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Category: Observations

The long game

It’s temping to go after the immediate. “Bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” reinforces the tangible, encouraging the pursuit of results that can be seen. But what if the best results aren’t just around the corner — instead, that payoff, that freedom, that title, that responsibility is waiting; 1 year, 3 years, 7 years down the line? Would your strategy change? Would your work ethic and your daily habits be different? Would your focus remain?

It seems most people want results that are better suited for long-term strategies. They become too easily disappointed when short-term bets fall through. Matching strategy with goals should include a [realistic] priority assessment of what you’re willing and able to give. Honest considerations of finances and resources is essential in order to thoughtfully plan tactics and timelines.

There’s no use setting yourself up for the long haul if your heart isn’t in it. Make sure the goals you set match your intended aim and the resources you can put forth.

P.S. Thanks to those who contributed to my writing residence. NY, here I come!

“You’re not married?”

“Not married! You don’t want kids?” I often receive questions regarding my relationship status. My answer, it seems, disappoints/confuses many, as if some defect on my part has rendered me less valuable or ambitious.

A little under three years ago, I came to a developing country, alone, where I have volunteered as a social worker and teacher. I established an education center, built a solar grid and fundraised to bring clothes, scholarships and learning adventures to friends in need. Before arriving in Nepal, I qualified for Boston the first time I ran the NYC Marathon. I counsel students, entrepreneurs and notable personalities. I’ve traveled to over twenty countries, finished my Master’s at Columbia University, completed an original research project and graduated with honors from CU Boulder. I have started pro-social groups for adolescent delinquents and have a baby named after me. I’ve organized events that have brought people together from different disciplines and have maintained a weekly blog since 2012. My writing has been published in journals and online. I’ve listened to stories of immigrants and middle class families struggling to pay bills. I’m working on a book. Yet the question isn’t about what I’ve done or plan to do, it’s who and when I will marry.

This is a question I receive in all parts of the world, developed and less so. My single male friends, also in their 30s, seem to evade this inquiry. Instead, they are asked other success indicators: work, house, salary, dog. Isn’t it time we see each other for who we are instead of expectations we carry?

Isn’t it time to have conversations based upon the individual, without of assumptions of race or age or gender or income? Isn’t it time we listen for what drives another’s actions to hear what fuels their beliefs, their convictions, their dreams?

If we could listen more and judge less, our world would move closer towards that tolerant, respectful place we all deserve.

“What is your greatest accomplishment?” serves a much better bridge for meaningful conversation.

Shortcuts

I’ve worked with monks, criminals, CEOs and students, and they all look for shortcuts. This is why hacks are popular and fitness gurus sell health in pill form and “5-minute exercises.” Numbered blog posts receive more web traffic than developed stories because we want information fast. We don’t have time to sift through inconsequential paragraphs; tell me what I need to know and tell it to me now.

This, to me, is human. We want the quickest, most direct path. We want to learn without putting in time. We want money to come without stress and long hours. We want recognition right after a product launches, and we want to know our destiny instead of watching it slowly unfurl.

While shortcuts help us save time and do work more efficiently, there’s much to be gained from slow, calculated movement.

3 things I learned starting a social enterprise in Nepal

Yesterday I had the honor of addressing attendees of Skövde Business Week. I presented my experiences founding the Learning House, a center devoted to education, leadership and community in Western Nepal. To hear my full talk, click this link.
I believe “A rising tide lifts all boats.” I don’t think scientific research is needed to show that more educated and competent citizens lead to more talented business recruits who in turn create better, more effective businesses. Getting the tide to rise is the difficult part.
My work has taught me the following:

  1. Travel through life curious.
  2. Extend yourself to another.
  3. Ask questions.

When we become fixed on an end result, we tend to lose beautiful opportunities along the way. Had I not allowed myself to explore Nepal, to be open to promise and potential and brokenness, I would have missed some truly profound moments. Since arriving in 2013, I have seen many volunteers come and go; some are so focused on their defined role as Volunteer Teacher they fail to look beyond designated responsibilities and connect with the people they came to serve in the first place.
We dig trenches around ourselves. They’re deepened by societal roles and professional delegations. Our personal selves and true passions become hidden from colleagues, friends, even our families. The irony is that when we move beyond these lines and reach out to each other, we forge meaningful relationships and experience life more deeply. This is when we win.
Finally, ask questions. Your colleague, your neighbor, your grandmother, your client. Who are they? Where are they going? Can you help? It’s impossible to solve problems and brainstorm solutions without taking time to listen. The most successful companies (and people!) are the ones listening — and they’re shifting, giving, adapting and changing in ways that show they care.

Hiring and firing can make or break you

I had to make some difficult decisions this week. A few team players haven’t been pulling their weight, so after several discussions trying to find the root of the problem, we had to have The Conversation.

There are moments to recognize when it’s time to move on. Passions may be mismatched, vision lost, energy depleted. Firing doesn’t need to reflect an individual’s potential; in fact, letting someone go gives them permission to find the position that will bring them prosperity and happiness (if it was the role at hand, the conversation would probably not be taking place to begin with).

The right team can catapult your project to success while a mismanaged bunch can send even the best, most meticulous plans to the gutter. It’s important to identify an individual’s motives and skills; it’s equally important to remember that even the more alluring incentives may not work.

One of the biggest decisions you’ll make in your life is who you spend time with. Friends, colleagues and spouses have significant power over you. If you’ve ever worked in an office where colleagues were dismal and did barely what was needed to get by, you know the feeling you get when you’re around energy suckers. Or if you’ve been in a relationship that’s failed to meet your needs and validate you as a remarkable being, you’ve experienced that temporary loss of personal strength and clarity. It’s hard to create and build and dream when these kinds of people fill your days.

When you have the power to assemble a team, choose wisely, and have the compassion and empathy to recognize when it’s not working. Then, with kindness and care, let the other person go.

Stop trying to find your passion; do something nice for someone instead.

There’s a lot of pressure out there to “do meaningful work,” “find your bliss” and “unleash your passion.” We’re lucky to live in a time and place where we have the opportunity to make choices; choices about where we work, who we work for, what we do to make money, who we date, where we buy groceries, what we learn, which book to read.
The decisions we face on a daily basis are countless; oftentimes, overwhelming. Undergraduates stress over which major to declare; the seasoned professional has multiple job offers on the table and doesn’t know which one to pick. Like the grocery store aisle with boxes upon boxes of cereal, it’s easy to go with the tried-tested-and-true or to simply, walk away. This paradox of choice can leave us stale, uninspired, imprisoned.
Today, throw it out the window: the pro/con lists, the should’s and must’s, the cost-benefit analysis and the What Will They Think Of Me insecurities. Just for today, put yourself on the sidelines and place someone else before you. It doesn’t have to be a huge, grandiose gesture. Be kind.
Volunteer. Read to a child. Surprise someone with flowers. Pack a lunch for a co-worker.
For more ideas, including buying coffee for the next person in line or supporting an entrepreneur in a developing country, click here.