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Tag: connection

Two communication channels

Communication is a cornerstone of healthy, successful relationships. Your ability to communicate affects all aspects of your life: your workplace, at home, in personal relationships, even your vacation.
We can define communication in one of two categories, open or closed channels.
Open channels:
Are clear and direct
Leave less room for misinterpretation and confusion
Question-centric
Neutral
Energy flows freely
Creativity is encouraged
Closed channels:
Can be vague and dismissive
Result in assumptions and over-analysis
Statement driven
Judgemental
Energy is blocked
Limited exchange of ideas
Communication skills don’t come naturally to everyone but can be practiced and developed in time.
Look for ways to build and promote open channels of communication. Schedule check-ins. Develop mechanisms for feedback. Ask thoughtful questions and take time to listen to the answers.

Two factors to measure success

How do you measure your success, is is the numbers in your bank account, your title at the firm, the number of clients you land in a month? In this moment, do you consider yourself a failure? Or would you describe yourself as a success?

I have written about how we define and measure success and have asked monks and entrepreneurs and academics what they think. So much of our unhappiness stems from comparison and self-worth — I don’t have a house like she does, look at the wife he has, she was promoted so quickly, he’s making six-figures and I’m stuck at five.

It is easier to see the missing pieces. Thoughts about what we do not posses overtake contemplations about what we do. It takes concentration to remember the places from which you came, the lessons learned along the way, the growth that took years and months to master. Ignore the numbers, as Howard Schultz (Starbucks) realized. Happiness is a fluctuating bar.

I’d like to propose a new method of measuring success. Two factors, actually:

1.) Progress.
2.) Satisfaction.

Progress can be measured by revisiting your starting point. Have you moved forward? Has your company/relationship/personal trait improved by some degree?

Satisfaction is felt and requires some honesty on your part. Do you have a sense of accomplishment or reward at the end of the day? Can you look in the mirror with contentment? With pride?

Progress and/or satisfaction.

If you can claim one of these two characteristics, you are a success. If you have both progress AND satisfaction, you are in an excellent position. Keep going.

Are you making a difference to one person?
Are you doing work honestly and with passion?
Are you focused on integrity and vision?
Are you pleased with your efforts?
Are you able to show up day in and day out?

The root of unhappiness lies in your definition of success. It’s worth revisiting what and who you think is successful and why. Maybe you are, too.

“What took you the longest to learn?”

Oprah asks her guests this question on her Super Soul podcasts. A thoughtful pause follows, and the answer is often a mix of wistfulness, courage, sometimes even regret.

How would you answer the same question?
What lesson has taken you the longest to learn?

Recognizing distance

We often consider how far we have to left to go.
Three more days until holiday.
$10,000 to hit our fundraiser.
Two terms left in the fiscal year.
Four more miles in this run.
Six credits to meet requirements.
Yet how often do we measure and appreciate the distance we’ve traveled?
Let the ground you’ve already covered fuel you.

When your world turns black

Your project will fail. Your spouse will file for divorce. You’ll be looked over for the promotion. You’ll lose money on your startup. Your child will get arrested. People will talk badly about you. It will start raining as soon as you leave the office.

All of these things can happen.

Are you prepared?

Life can be hard. It can feel like a momentous effort to get out of bed. Yet these are the days that matter. These days show you who you really are, what kind of stuff you’re made of, who you call in your dark hours. You can’t change what is happening around you, but you can choose how you’ll respond.

Do you have a game plan for life’s lows?

Write a go-to list that provides extra healing and care for days you’re feeling less than prime. Watch a movie, meditate, write, take a yoga class, go for a long walk, listen to great music, eat delicious food. Even small actions can help reset your energy and redirect your focus.

And if you can’t snap out of your funk, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Reach out. Even your closest, cheeriest friends’ worlds have turned black at some point in time. You are not alone and never will be. The sun will return.

24 ways to hit reset

1. Take a walk around the block.
2. Sit in the park.
3. Pick up a book you’ve been meaning to finish.
4. Play a favorite song.
5. Google photos of your next vacation spot.
6. Find a new route home.
7. Order take out.
8. Have lunch at a nearby hotel.
9. Surprise a friend.
10. Buy flowers.
11. Color with markers.
12. Set an alarm for a twenty minute nap.
13. Chug water.
14. Schedule a massage.
15. Follow an online yoga class.
16. Play with your dog (or your friend’s dog).
17. Don’t go into work — and don’t feel guilty about it.
18. Dance in your living room.
19. Wear something fancy.
20. Netflix.
21. Download a new podcast.
22. Reach out to an old friend.
23. Write a thank you note.
24. Plan a “staycation.”