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Tag: connection

Your pain will contribute to a better tomorrow

When you’re thick in the middle of heartbreak or despair, it seems ludicrous to even remotely consider the possibility of a better tomorrow, or to think of happiness, or to acknowledge some divine plan. In dark, heavy hours, it can feel momentous to simply get through the day.

Yet these trying hours are the ones that will lead you to happiness. When you have nothing and when you question everything — these are precious gifts that can bring you closer to your authentic self and how you are meant to function in this world. Desperation and dejection can become your greatest teachers.

Sit tight. One day, you’ll be able to look back and be grateful. Things will get better. Until then, be gentle with yourself.

“Good enough.”

Every hour you are faced with choices that force you to evaluate and re-evaluate your priorities. Often you have to say no to others, disappointing them and maybe even yourself.
How do you judge yourself when you take on different roles? Is your inner voice harsh or condescending?
Your perspective is more than likely more critical than of those around you. What would you say to a friend taking on your same sets of responsibilities and challenges?
You don’t always have to knock it out of the park or take on every fire. Do the best you can.
You are enough.

Top 10 posts from Project Exponential

1. 12 questions to turn small talk into real talk
2. 5 rules of hustling
3. What brings people together?
4. A coffee riddle
5. 10 questions to ask at a dinner party (instead of “What do you do?”)
6. The people in your life will make or break you
7. 19 things you can do instead of grad school
8. Stop trying to find your purpose
9. 7 sins of crowdfunding
10. Figure out what you want to learn and go do it

To fall in love, do this:

A few years ago, a NYTimes piece lured readers with the secret to relational bliss. The author detailed her personal experience based on psychological research claiming to make two strangers fall in love. By asking intimate questions and demanding two individuals spend quality time together — even holding each other’s gaze for four minutes — the pair were believed to cement a relationship.

Of course, relationships take time and care and persistent, almost stubborn commitment. But at the heart of two people choosing to share life and love is curiosity. Curiosity about your partner’s preferences and dreams. Questions that dare to journey beyond the superficial: goals and fears and heartache and hopes.

Not sure where to begin? These 36 questions can help you get started. Or listen to the original NYTimes piece on the Modern Love podcast.

Confrontation and rejection: an opportunity

Confrontation and rejection are both uncomfortable, unpleasant situations that no one likes to encounter. Those with a less developed sense of self may interpret confrontation or rejection as a hit to their ego, their self-esteem dependent upon approval and positive feedback from others. As life begins to deal more social situations (and success), rejection matters less. The sting of disapproval doesn’t hold as much weight, and a healthier attitude towards potentially unkind situations develops. In fact, people who learn to deal with rejection and confrontation realize that these unpleasant circumstances are part of life, and to avoid them would create an insulating boundary that would limit the magic of living. These people accept that they won’t be a match for everyone and that this impossible expectation is too heavy a load to carry.

The first rejections are always the hardest to hear. When you begin to face the fear and anxiety of negative situations with a more positive attitude, the experience changes. The power of rejection lessens, and valuable learnings can be gained in potentially troubling situations. Conflict often isn’t as bad as we rehearse it in our own mind.

Scared of letting your feelings and emotions known? Practice first, by writing them down. Write down what you hope to say and explain how you feel. Dealing with confrontation and rejection is an essential skill no matter your line of work. Taking time to gather your thoughts before entering a charged situation will empower you to remain grounded and present when emotions run high.

What does ease look like?

What does an “easy life” mean to you? What would you have time for? Do you see friends more often? Are you able to create, read, play? Do you eat differently, sleep better, take different care of your body? Are you more patient, relaxed, or kind?

Ease.

Dream about a life that feels like swimming through air. Meditate on it.

Then act.

Get rid of unnecessary stuff. Clean your house, clean your schedule, clean your body and mind. Slow down. Focus on one thing at a time (making lists can help with this). Wake up earlier and give yourself an extra twenty minutes to get to the office. Surround yourself with beauty: place freshly cut flowers on your desk, change your desktop photo, take morning walks, look up at the stars.

Inviting ease into your life opens the door to expansiveness, creativity, wonder, magic — and the unexpected. No, you won’t stop encountering difficult situations or irksome people, and your schedule won’t magically empty (you’ll have to do some work to clear out what is taking you away from your priorities). But you’ll start to move through life in a different way, and people will respond.

What does ease mean to you? Tweet me at @redheadlefthand.