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Tag: confidence

5 questions to measure success

I’ve been thinking about the American Dream and how we’ve come to define wealth and achievement. I’m turning 30 soon, a benchmark to pause and reflect on life’s work and progress.

Yet the ways in which I was taught to measure “success” don’t seem to apply to me.

I don’t own a house or a car. What I do own fits into a duffle bag. I sleep under a mosquito net. My savings account is negligible, I have student loans I will probably never be able to pay. I’m unmarried, I have no children. In full disclosure, it’s been awhile since I received a regular paycheck.

According to the American Dream, I’m a complete failure.

It has me wondering if our notion of wealth has become distorted. If the scales we use to determine value and impact are skewed, if we’re asking the wrong questions — both of ourselves of the organizations we trust.

As I enter a new decade, I consider:

Are you helping others?

Are you accomplishing set goals?

Do you feel welcomed into a community? 

Are there people in your life who support you?

Are you learning, getting just a little bit better, more patient, more compassionate, more understanding, more loving each day?

For more on redefining success, wealth and the American Dream, read my original post on Medium.

Lessons on working for free

For almost one year, I’ve volunteered my time serving a group of people I’ve grown to care for immensely. While I’ve sacrificed a lot, I’ve been granted much more in return. Some key takeaways:

1. Let excitement be your guide.

Excitement is an internal barometer letting you know you’re on track. If you’re not excited to get to work, you’re in the wrong place.

There was a time I had to coax myself out of bed in the morning. I was bored, frustrated, unchallenged, disenchanted. After I began placing myself in environments that made me feel valued and appreciated, a train engine powered my days. Clocking hours no longer mattered, and my worth became less about the money I was making and more about the contribution I was adding to the world around me.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

It’s impossible have all the answers. Pretending you do so only prevents you from building relationships and trusted communities. Questions – no matter how obvious they may seem – not only provide information but also serve as gateway to meaningful connections. Asking for help allows others the opportunity to teach you about their world and their way of doing things. If you’re afraid to ask, you can bank on missing out.

3. Give, and you’ll be taken care of.

Decisions can be made from one of two places: scarcity or abundance.

A scarcity mentality is restricted to a finite amount of resources. The underlying emotion is fear. What if there isn’t enough, what if I give and there’s nothing left for me?

Abundant thinking, however, evolves from a place of trust, faith, and confidence. There is always enough; in fact, there is more than enough. Giving becomes less of a sacrifice and more of a responsibility to do what’s right — a pleasure.

I used to think a lot about what I didn’t have. In hindsight, I prevented myself from becoming who I wanted to be. When I started to concentrate on what I do have, I gave more. I cared less about what was lacking and more about using my gifts in a way that mattered.

4. Worry less (it paralyzes you)!

Worrying serves no one. It’s a black hole, a basket collecting your best ideas and strongest intentions. Anxiety has stopped me from solidifying friendships, initiating projects, finishing goals. I’ve found myself slave to an endless chain of insecurity about my worth, capability, value, productivity, and possibility. Not beneficial. Not fun.

The irony is this: when I gave more, I was given more. Even though I haven’t received a paycheck, I’ve been taken care of — there’s a roof over my head, food to eat, people to cheer me on. I’ve received introductions to incredibly accomplished individuals and have found greater depth in my relationships.

Yes, due-diligence is required to develop plans and take action. But after you’ve put in your work, believe in yourself and the purity of your intentions. Your efforts will pay off.

5 rules of hustling

Alongside the long hours and sleepless nights and moments of thrashing, I can pinpoint five realizations that have defined my journey as an entrepreneur and businessperson. Whether you’re just beginning or well on your way, I’m sharing these “rules” in hopes they’ll encourage you and meet you wherever you’re at. Note: these statements apply to spaces beyond entrepreneurship and commerce.
ONE. It’s OK to start slow and take small steps until things become clear.
TWO. There is never a perfect moment, but there will always be something that can stop you (if you let it).
THREE. Change doesn’t happen over night.
FOUR. If you’re searching for your life’s purpose, you may never find it. Instead, focus on what brings you joy and do what you’re good at.
FIVE. Stop pretending. There is no substitution for “doing you” — being authentically, wholly, completely, fully you. When you can embrace this, you will be rewarded in more ways than you could have ever imagined.

5 steps to new job opportunities

Looking for a job?
You’ve made your first mistake. As cliché as it sounds, you won’t find it if you’re looking for it. Instead, make moves to create the position of your dreams (a place you feel valued and valuable, projects you’re interested in, opportunities that benefit from your talents, people you admire).
1. Skip small talk and have real conversations.
Schedule twenty-minute informational calls (or coffees) with people you respect to learn more about their work. Ask about the good, bad, and ugly bits of their industry. Then, find parallel roles in different fields and ask those individuals how they tackle similar challenges. Meaningful conversations build meaningful relationships.
And say thank you. You never know when your paths may cross. I’ve met strangers in Shanghai I’ve introduced to entrepreneurs in California. Your rolodex is one of your most prized commodities.
2. Know thyself.
What’s your anchor? You need something grounding you, a general direction you’re heading. It doesn’t need to be entirely specific, but you need a fencepost to harness your efforts (think of a laser beam vs. diffused light; concentrated anything is stronger and more effective).
Find a quiet place to relax with a cup of coffee and honestly assess what makes you miserable, what you’re good at, what you’d like to be doing, and what you can’t live without. Reserve an afternoon — or a week — to pay close attention to moments your heart flutters. Is it anxiety, excitement, or both?
3. Are you hunting or fishing?
You can look for freelance work or you can start writing articles about topics you’re passionate about. You can ask for job openings or you can volunteer a few hours of pro-bono consulting and evaluate a company’s needs. You can ask for references or you can send role models invitations to lectures that pertain to their projects.
By placing yourself in environments that highlight your strengths, you will attract opportunities and connections that are right for you. Just because you don’t have a job doesn’t mean you can’t start cultivating something great.
4. Walk with confidence. 
Unemployment doesn’t mean you’re less of a person. When you’re feeling down and out, it shows. Pay attention to your posture and the way you walk. If you’ve completed Steps 1-3, do so confidently, with your head high.
You have skills, you have talents; flaunt them. Your childhood, your struggles, your unique lessons and experiences all contribute to what makes you uniquely valuable. Make a list of your areas of expertise and fold it into your wallet if you’re needing an extra boost. 
5. Open windows and doors and screens and welcome everyone over for tea.
If you can reframe “unemployment” as an opportunity, you’re on your way to gold. Imagine yourself as a traveler, an adventurer. There will be ups and downs, exhilaration and disappointment. Open up to all of it. It’s too easy to focus on one thing and dwell; you’ll think yourself into a frenzy, or worse yet, paralyze yourself from action. Force your anxieties to adopt a wider perspective and welcome whatever comes your way, regardless of form. If you allow it, your journey may surprise you.

selling yourself, itching, and bragging rights

You don’t need to sell yourself; you just need to create an itch.

(Unless you are famous. If you’re like me, you’re not, so you’ll need to work to demonstrate credibility and get attention.)

Show me your passion, your professionalism, your successes. Make me believe you’re friendly and approachable and confident and dependable and honest and good.

I want to know you can give me what you say you can. I want to know I’ll get my money’s worth — maybe even more. And I want to know you take pride in your art.

It’s not bragging if it’s true.