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Tag: relationships

Keeping the flame alive

A student saw KEEP THE FLAME ALIVE on a movie poster and asked me, “What is flame and why does it need to be alive?” The movie was about a married couple inviting a stranger into their home to try to spice up their fizzling love life.

I described fire, from the moment you flick a match until the last wisps of smoke float away. “You know how happy you are when you get a new shirt?” I asked. He nodded enthusiastically. “But in time, the shirt gets old and you don’t like it as much?” More agreement. If you don’t take care of fire, it eventually burns out.

Not only fire. Energy, projects, teams, excitement, zest, flavor, curiosity. What’s new is exciting and mysterious. In time, mystique and interest become be replaced with comfort and familiarity. It’s up to you to decide which characteristics best serve you.

If you’re in a funk (31 ways to destroy a bad mood)

  1. Go sit in a different room.
  2. Take 5 minutes to be quiet and still (turn off your phone, set an alarm if you must).
  3. Walk outside.
  4. Search for your favorite artist’s playlist on youtube.
  5. Invest in an essential oil you love. Two drops can do wonders.
  6. Write a list of 5 things you are thankful for in this moment.
  7. Treat yourself (massage, cupcake, small gift).
  8. Make a salad with ingredients you pick up from a farmers’ market.
  9. Play with an animal.
  10. Browse the shelves in your local bookstore.
  11. Go to/from your office using a new route, even if it takes longer.
  12. Listen to an interesting or inspiring podcast.
  13. Do yoga at home.
  14. Watch a movie at the theater.
  15. Send a message to a friend.
  16. Write yourself a letter.
  17. Place fresh cut flowers in your home.
  18. Step outside and listen for birds.
  19. Find shapes in clouds.
  20. Draw, paint, color, glue, build, hammer, stitch.
  21. Plant something.
  22. “Guilty pleasure.” Everyone has one; indulge yourself and don’t feel guilty about it.
  23. Write a new bucket list. List dreams that get you excited.
  24. Don’t do anything. Focus on your breathing. Yes, doing nothing is actually fine.
  25. Take a nap. Not getting enough sleep is proven to impact mental health.
  26. Dance. Doesn’t matter what you look like. Turn up your favorite tune, close the curtains and stomp it out.
  27. Burn regrets. Those decisions weighing you down? Write them out. You can sit with that paper for twenty minutes, then light a match to it.
  28. Stay off social media. Just. Don’t. Do. It. Go one day without logging online and see how you feel.
  29. Read. Return an old favorite or ask a friend for recommendations.
  30. Do one thing you’ve never done before. Doesn’t matter what it is — dance class, open mic, an online course. Try something different.
  31. Make plans. Big or small, a trip to another country or a lunch date, get something on the calendar that you can look forward to.

The value of meeting new people (offline)

Hectic schedules and limited time pushes “meeting new people” down priority lists. But new people can add spark to your life. From work strategies to personal motivation, even brief encounters can leave a lifetime mark. A meaningful conversation can inspire you to try something new, do better work, become a more thoughtful person, or keep going down the right path.

Online we’re exposed to new tactics and images, but face-to-face encounters are more likely to contribute to trust and long-term relationships. These connections help businesses thrive. While it’s easy to forget a screen name, personal interactions build experiences that help tell stories. And in a world where storytelling and marketing drive results, representing your “personal brand” is key.

Meeting new people may also reveal unknown parts of yourself, creating self-awareness of your own expertise and highlighting areas that still need work. There are health benefits, too: improved cognitive function, physical health and creative power.

Our next dinner event is scheduled for May 31 in NYC. Send an email to info@projectexponential.com with details about your current projects if you’re interested in attending. Our dinners match those with complementary interests and skills, and space is limited to preserve intimacy and quality.

13 lessons to be learned from expats

  1. It’s OK to not understand everything that is happening around you all of the time.
  2. True friends will keep in touch.
  3. Don’t compare your life, your successes, your failures or your progress with anyone else.
  4. Take time to connect with the people around you. See them for who they really are.
  5. Never stop learning.
  6. Use social media sparingly.
  7. Drink alcohol in moderation.
  8. Build community. Seek out and find those who bring out your very best self.
  9. If you don’t know the answer, don’t be afraid to ask.
  10. It’s always helpful to research and gather information before making big decisions. In the end, however, let intuition guide you.
  11. Spend time getting to know yourself so you can acknowledge your weaknesses and strong points.
  12. Set goals that both challenge and inspire you.
  13. Write. Make time to dream, to reflect, to observe and to record. Situations are constantly changing, and your perspectives will shift as well. Writing your thoughts down can help you stay on track and grow.

Post modified from this Medium article, posted July 15, 2015.

13 conversation starters to get past small talk

Sometimes you find yourself in a situation where you want to connect with a stranger and aren’t sure what to say. Asking about the weather and work only goes so far when you find yourself at a dinner table with distant friends-of-friends. Or maybe you’re at a wedding reception and have exhausted the usual pleasantries. Memorize a few of these questions for the next time you’re wanting to move past small talk and learn more about the person next to you.

1. What would you do if you were late for a very important meeting?

2. What would you do if you didn’t have enough money to pay the bills?

3. If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be?

4. If you had the power to alter a major historical event, what would it be?

5. Say someone asks a question you don’t want to answer. How do you respond?

6. Describe an interesting neighbor you’ve had.

7. Describe someone you respect and admire deeply.

8. Describe a place you’ll never forget.

9. Tell about a recent interview.

10. What’s one of your best childhood memories?

11. Have you ever lied to your parents, boss, or a teacher?

12. Have you ever been treated unfairly?

13. What is your opinion about fortune telling?

10 lessons learned from 3 years of blogging

This week marks the 3rd anniversary of Project Exponential; 3 years of meals served, friends made, and surprising connections between industries and ideas. I am filled with gratitude and awe when I think about those I have been fortunate to introduce.

The anniversary also marks three years of blogging. When I first started, it was a completely new venture. I wan’t sure how to go about it or what to say, and I didn’t know if anyone would care.

I’ve learned so much since those initial posts and want to share a glimpse of what I’ve gained along the way:

1. Establish a practice.

When I started blogging, I would churn out posts several times a week. Eventually I realized that with client work, hosting dinners and volunteering in Nepal, I was struggling to keep up. I settled on once a week and have held myself accountable ever since. My schedule has become routine. I find myself noting possible topics and thoughts that could turn into a post throughout the week.

My tip: Forget about what other bloggers are doing. Find what works for you and stick to it.

2. Small bricks build something substantial.

A handful of blog posts didn’t mean much at first. Three years later, I have accumulated a body of work I am proud of. I regularly receive emails from people who “stumble upon my blog” and find something useful. Put in time and commitment, and you’ll see results.

3. Blogging forces you to discover and connect.

Because of the blog, I have met new people, come across new ideas and found new sources of inspiration — both online and off. Searching for articles and specific topics has introduced me to inspiring bloggers and new theories. As a result, I’ve re-considered some of my viewpoints, developed new ways of thinking, added more sites to my Bookmarks bar, and have exchanged emails with talented writers.

4. Done is better than perfect.

This might be one of the most difficult lessons to learn, but it’s absolutely necessary. Waiting for perfection only hurts yourself. You can spend hours upon hours obsessing over nuances and phrases. Don’t give the Schedule/Publish button unnecessary power. Perfect is a crazy, evading word and we are our own worst critics. Do your best work, be prudent in your edits, then click Submit.

5. You don’t have to be technically inclined to blog.

Sure, I kept a blog when I was traveling around the world in my late teens. But when I considered blogging for professional purposes, I figured only famous people did it. I also thought I needed more technical knowledge. Turns out you don’t have to be computer savvy to write a blog people enjoy. With a choice of platforms and writing tools, anyone can get online and put their thoughts in the world.

6. Don’t stop experimenting.

The first few blog posts feel like a great big experiment. Everything is uncertain and new, and you don’t really have any idea how it works. That feeling eventually fades, but it doesn’t mean you should stop experimenting. Try new writing styles, vary posts from lists to personal accounts to asking questions to honest challenges. Challenge yourself to feel uncomfortable after you start feeling comfortable.

7. Blogging is good for business.

Aside from standard SEO results, the more you write, the more authority you have. Blogging helps cement what you know and show others you can back up your claims. Writing regularly on particular topics helps the right people find you and helps you provide clear information to potential customers. Links and trackbacks to other blogs can build relationships with experts in your industry, and regular posts prove that you’re relevant and up-to-date.

8. Caring what other people think only paralyzes you.

This speaks for itself. Obviously there are societal norms you should keep in mind, but too much questioning and assuming and worrying and forecasting will only ruin your writing and destroy your creative process.

9. I still write with a pen.

My best writing happens when I write in a notebook then transfer to a computer later on. I type directly when I’m short on time or traveling, but I recognize it’s just not as good. Knowing what works for you and acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses is instrumental to your development as a writer.

10. Read good writing.

I have a list of writers I respect and admire. Their websites are saved on my computer, and I drop in and see what they’re up to from time to time. I always leave their websites feeling inspired. Admiring the way they spin words and describe their experiences encourages me to keep working on my own craft.

Whoever those people are for you, study them. Figure out why you are drawn to their work and what is successful about their writing. The best teachers are perpetual students, and the best writers are perpetual readers. Strive to do both.