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Tag: fear

When you’ve been hurt

Your heart is broken. Maybe for the first time, maybe for the fifth. You have two choices now.

You can allow pain and anger to seep through your being and go about shielding yourself from any scenario that might cause these feelings again. This will undoubtedly result in limited encounters with the world, stifled relationships, and a blunted emotional experience.

OR

You can look for the lessons. You can dive into the pain and see if you can find greater understanding, more peace, more authenticity, and more focus than ever before. Instead of running, you can sit with the experience and breathe into it, knowing that eventually, slowly, it will pass. That in time small ripples of joy will wash healing currents through your life.

Past failures and disappointments only dictate your future if you let them. Seek out daily moments of magic and wonder. Flashes of lightening in a night sky. The impish smirk of a young child. The rustle of leaves at dusk. Kindness between strangers.

This is how you go on.

Confrontation and rejection: an opportunity

Confrontation and rejection are both uncomfortable, unpleasant situations that no one likes to encounter. Those with a less developed sense of self may interpret confrontation or rejection as a hit to their ego, their self-esteem dependent upon approval and positive feedback from others. As life begins to deal more social situations (and success), rejection matters less. The sting of disapproval doesn’t hold as much weight, and a healthier attitude towards potentially unkind situations develops. In fact, people who learn to deal with rejection and confrontation realize that these unpleasant circumstances are part of life, and to avoid them would create an insulating boundary that would limit the magic of living. These people accept that they won’t be a match for everyone and that this impossible expectation is too heavy a load to carry.

The first rejections are always the hardest to hear. When you begin to face the fear and anxiety of negative situations with a more positive attitude, the experience changes. The power of rejection lessens, and valuable learnings can be gained in potentially troubling situations. Conflict often isn’t as bad as we rehearse it in our own mind.

Scared of letting your feelings and emotions known? Practice first, by writing them down. Write down what you hope to say and explain how you feel. Dealing with confrontation and rejection is an essential skill no matter your line of work. Taking time to gather your thoughts before entering a charged situation will empower you to remain grounded and present when emotions run high.

The power of sadness

Life can throw curveballs. Disappointments can destroy the strongest resolve, even the most focused among us shaken by a series of bad luck and failure. Like fire, heartache can spread.

Yet too often it is easy (and in the most difficult darkness, completely forgivable) to forget the positive, creative power of sadness and grief.

Instead of trying to distinguish or contain this anguish, use it. Find the cause worth caring about. Solve impossible problems. Turn fury and rage into calculable action and make your tears count for something.

Do that thing you think you can’t

A small voice whispered, “Don’t bother, it’s a waste of time, it will never happen.” I listened. But thankfully, just for a day. My mind kept swirling, dreaming, going back to the idea. After last summer at the Byrdcliffe Artist in Residence program, I have been fantasizing for more uninterrupted time to devote to my manuscript.
My fingers hovered over the application. Why should they pick you? What are your chances? I revisited the site again and again, closing the browser, reopening the page, googling pictures of the area and reading reviews of past participants.
This tiny voice often appears. Sometimes I listen, other times I ignore. But it seems when I risk those scary words — EXPOSURE, FAILURE, REJECTION — beautiful things happen.
“Apply,” I told that voice, “You will regret it if you don’t.”
Do that thing you think you can’t. Even if you fall short and your efforts are flat, you’ll be glad. You’ll always wonder “what if” if you don’t at least try.

What if nobody knows?

What if nobody knows you’re the one who dropped the ball?
What if nobody learns about the mistake you made?
What if nobody finds the great work that you’re doing?
What if nobody compliments you?
What if nobody knows you failed?
What if nobody clicks “like” or responds to your email or answers your call?
What if nobody sees the progress you’ve made?
What if nobody buys your product?
What if nobody recognizes your worth?
Would you switch your goals? Would you make different decisions? Would your behavior change?
You’re the one person who knows all of your mistakes, all of your successes, all of your growth and progress and milestones.
Remember whose opinion matters most.

The danger of waiting for miracles

What if the miracle never happens?

What if while you’re waiting, something better comes along but you miss it because you’re too focused on waiting for the first miracle to happen?

What if instead of waiting for the miracle, you took concrete steps towards making a dream come true?

What if the miracle isn’t what you need in the first place?

If you are counting on a miracle for your plan to work, chances are you should focus your energy elsewhere.