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Tag: fear

How to build confidence

Confidence can be a deal breaker. Take two individuals, one with above-average talent and little confidence and the other with little talent and above-average confidence, and the confident person will most likely come out ahead. The difference between the two is that the confident person has practiced.

Very few people are born confident; confidence stems from an individual’s ability to place themselves in new and uncomfortable experiences while simultaneously managing anxiety and stress. Everyone has a critical voice, yet confident people have learned how to quiet that voice, or at the very least, push through moments of doubt and uncertainty.

The good news for those who don’t feel up to par in the confidence department? Confidence is a muscle. It can be worked and strengthened and developed over time. Here are 6 tips to get started.

1. Imagine a confident person.

Who do you know who exudes confidence? Someone who connects easily with others and the world around them. What would they do if they were placed in your same situation?

Pretend you are that person, even just for a moment.

2. Become your own cheerleader.

Write affirmations on sticky notes and place them throughout your house, in your kitchen, in your car. Set calendar reminders with motivational quotes. Listen to uplifting music. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and build an atmosphere that encourages creativity and hope.

3. Scare yourself. 

Intentionally place yourself in uncomfortable or new situations. Regularly. Whether you’re afraid of rejection or failing or being laughed at, push yourself into challenging territories. Each time you successfully navigate a new experience, your belief in yourself and your abilities will increase.

4. Make a “Did-It” list.

Instead of listing all of the things you need to do, take time to reflect on what you have accomplished. Even if you have fallen short on your goals, congratulate yourself for trying. It can be helpful to write lists of past accomplishments. Take stock of what you’re proud of and remind yourself of your capabilities.

5. Practice care.

Take care of yourself: Body, mind, and spirit. Eat foods rich in nutrients. Move, walk, run, lift things. Meditate or practice yoga. Dress in clothes that make you feel good. And take care of others. Volunteer. Teach a class. Caring for your self and others improves self-efficacy, your belief in yourself and your ability to create change.

6. Learn to say no.

Say no to people who aren’t good for you. Say no to obligations that suck your time. Say no to habits that aren’t helping you reach your goals. Say no to negative thoughts.

Remember that you are valuable. You deserve the best. You are worthy.

What are your confidence-boosting tips? Tweet me to share your secrets.

What if nobody shows up?

What if nobody comes? If your product isn’t well received? If you get one bad review after the next?

What if you thrill five people? And those five people are so impressed by your work that they tell their friends. Then five more people try your services or show up to your event or read your book. And out of those five, two people are so deeply moved that they share with their friends.

That’s how movements begin.

This is very different from the fast-track to fame we so often read about. It is difficult to catapult to the top of the “best list,” to become the richest and most sought after in one swoop. But slowly, with time, your work can amass a following.

The question is whether you have the patience to see it through. Can you delight in pleasing five people instead of 50? 1,000?

Your work is your art. Five people could mean success.

Let go

Let go of the plan that doesn’t work anymore. Just because things haven’t panned out quite as you expected them to doesn’t mean you’re not doing well. Or that you’ve fallen off track. Sometimes you need to release your grip and see what life brings.

You have an opportunity — today, tomorrow, a week from now — to let go of the habits that no longer serve you. To try a new approach, to practice a new behavior, to learn something different.

When you let go, you open up space in your life for new directions, new connections, new results, and unexpected surprises. Go. See where life takes you.

Consume or create

The internet has made it easy to sit back and watch and endlessly consume other people’s opinions, actions, projects, and work. It is now so easy to be a passive observer, to be someone who sits on the sidelines while others play in the game.

It is difficult to create. It takes time and dedication and focus. It takes courage to put something out in the world, something that might be discarded or mocked or rejected or possibly even ignored. But your livelihood requires this of you. Your happiness and passion are fueled by creativity. Building, writing, drawing, pasting, singing, connecting — these actions will inspire you.

Read good writing. Look at art. Find pictures and places that inspire you. But don’t count on others to do all of the work. Set a goal, make a few mistakes, and love the process. Your heart needs this.

The unusual gift of fear

If you feel afraid, there’s a good chance something big is about to happen. You have a choice: run away or step towards it.

With fear resting on one side of the scale, desire to change sits on the other. Either you desperately want something different or a situation has become so unpleasant it leaves no other possible choice. If you let fear win, you may find yourself in the same position next year, or even five years down the line.

Fear forces you to prepare and plan, to collect information, and to consider possible outcomes. But giving too much power to fear welcomes anxiety, lets the mind to travel to far too distant places, and distorts your perspective. From an evolutionary perspective, fear triggers fight or flight. Your heart rate quickens, breathing becomes shallow, and your vision narrows. Unknown situations and unfamiliar circumstances trigger the responses our ancestors once had at the hiss of a snake or bear or enemy.

Each time you embrace fear, you become stronger. The spaces fear once lingered become smaller, and in time, you’ll have so much light that only a small shadow is cast. The next time fear creeps into shadowy places, you’ll know how to cope.

Recognize fear for what it is. Write down all of the possible situations that might occur — the mistakes you’re afraid of, the “maybes” that might happen, the potential disasters (yes, even the ludicrous ones), your fears of success.

Then get ready to act. Committing to a decision will increase your confidence, and fear will be the one that begins to tremble.

Breathe deep and go.

Ask yourself tough questions daily

The questions you ask yourself dictate your experiences. Often the most uncomfortable questions are the ones you most need to answer, and the issues that cause some emotional reaction are the ones you need to consider. Shying away from tough subjects creates boundaries between you and life’s rich complexities.

Am I where I want to be? Am I who I want to be?
Are my closest relationships fulfilling and supportive?
When I wake up in the mornings, am I excited to start the day?
Do I pause to appreciate what is good in my life?
How have I changed over the past year? Am I heading in a direction I am proud of?
Are my decisions fully representative of me, my values, and my goals?
What do I worry most about?
What am I most proud of?
Who has helped me get where I am today?

Find time to answer; your answers could change your tomorrow.