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Tag: decisions

When you’ve been hurt

Your heart is broken. Maybe for the first time, maybe for the fifth. You have two choices now.

You can allow pain and anger to seep through your being and go about shielding yourself from any scenario that might cause these feelings again. This will undoubtedly result in limited encounters with the world, stifled relationships, and a blunted emotional experience.

OR

You can look for the lessons. You can dive into the pain and see if you can find greater understanding, more peace, more authenticity, and more focus than ever before. Instead of running, you can sit with the experience and breathe into it, knowing that eventually, slowly, it will pass. That in time small ripples of joy will wash healing currents through your life.

Past failures and disappointments only dictate your future if you let them. Seek out daily moments of magic and wonder. Flashes of lightening in a night sky. The impish smirk of a young child. The rustle of leaves at dusk. Kindness between strangers.

This is how you go on.

Your time directs your focus

The way in which you spend your time narrows your focus. What you think about, the choices you make, the schedule you follow — all of these daily decisions add up to who you are today.
Have you asked yourself who you’d like to be?
It is worth finding quiet space and taking time to answer this question honestly and searchingly. The answer might require some hard moves, perhaps major adjustments, but you owe it to yourself to ask: Is the path I am on the right one for me?
Your life depends on it, and the world benefits when you are your truest self.

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6. The people in your life will make or break you
7. 19 things you can do instead of grad school
8. Stop trying to find your purpose
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10. Figure out what you want to learn and go do it

Working backwards, piece by piece

Vary rarely are goals — especially big ones — accomplished at once. Piece by piece, day by day, small actions lead up to the final result, the dream that inspired you from the beginning. This is why working backwards can help you get what you want.

Set your BIG goal and plan corresponding “mini-goals” that lead you to where you want to be. Often times the end goal can seem too far away and too discouraging to continue, but smaller, daily actions can keep your focus and intention in check.

Dream big, as big as you can, then identify the smaller steps you need to take to get there.

Confrontation and rejection: an opportunity

Confrontation and rejection are both uncomfortable, unpleasant situations that no one likes to encounter. Those with a less developed sense of self may interpret confrontation or rejection as a hit to their ego, their self-esteem dependent upon approval and positive feedback from others. As life begins to deal more social situations (and success), rejection matters less. The sting of disapproval doesn’t hold as much weight, and a healthier attitude towards potentially unkind situations develops. In fact, people who learn to deal with rejection and confrontation realize that these unpleasant circumstances are part of life, and to avoid them would create an insulating boundary that would limit the magic of living. These people accept that they won’t be a match for everyone and that this impossible expectation is too heavy a load to carry.

The first rejections are always the hardest to hear. When you begin to face the fear and anxiety of negative situations with a more positive attitude, the experience changes. The power of rejection lessens, and valuable learnings can be gained in potentially troubling situations. Conflict often isn’t as bad as we rehearse it in our own mind.

Scared of letting your feelings and emotions known? Practice first, by writing them down. Write down what you hope to say and explain how you feel. Dealing with confrontation and rejection is an essential skill no matter your line of work. Taking time to gather your thoughts before entering a charged situation will empower you to remain grounded and present when emotions run high.

What do you stand for?

How do you define yourself?
Who (and what) are you committed to?
When do you say No?
When (and how) have you failed?
Which decision would you remake?
Where do you spend most of your time?
Who (and what) do you love?
When was the last time you redefined yourself?
Are you afraid of change?