bloglovinBloglovin iconCombined ShapeCreated with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. rssRSS iconsoundcloudSoundCloud iconFill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch.

Tag: communication

Two factors to measure success

How do you measure your success, is is the numbers in your bank account, your title at the firm, the number of clients you land in a month? In this moment, do you consider yourself a failure? Or would you describe yourself as a success?

I have written about how we define and measure success and have asked monks and entrepreneurs and academics what they think. So much of our unhappiness stems from comparison and self-worth — I don’t have a house like she does, look at the wife he has, she was promoted so quickly, he’s making six-figures and I’m stuck at five.

It is easier to see the missing pieces. Thoughts about what we do not posses overtake contemplations about what we do. It takes concentration to remember the places from which you came, the lessons learned along the way, the growth that took years and months to master. Ignore the numbers, as Howard Schultz (Starbucks) realized. Happiness is a fluctuating bar.

I’d like to propose a new method of measuring success. Two factors, actually:

1.) Progress.
2.) Satisfaction.

Progress can be measured by revisiting your starting point. Have you moved forward? Has your company/relationship/personal trait improved by some degree?

Satisfaction is felt and requires some honesty on your part. Do you have a sense of accomplishment or reward at the end of the day? Can you look in the mirror with contentment? With pride?

Progress and/or satisfaction.

If you can claim one of these two characteristics, you are a success. If you have both progress AND satisfaction, you are in an excellent position. Keep going.

Are you making a difference to one person?
Are you doing work honestly and with passion?
Are you focused on integrity and vision?
Are you pleased with your efforts?
Are you able to show up day in and day out?

The root of unhappiness lies in your definition of success. It’s worth revisiting what and who you think is successful and why. Maybe you are, too.

“What took you the longest to learn?”

Oprah asks her guests this question on her Super Soul podcasts. A thoughtful pause follows, and the answer is often a mix of wistfulness, courage, sometimes even regret.

How would you answer the same question?
What lesson has taken you the longest to learn?

When your world turns black

Your project will fail. Your spouse will file for divorce. You’ll be looked over for the promotion. You’ll lose money on your startup. Your child will get arrested. People will talk badly about you. It will start raining as soon as you leave the office.

All of these things can happen.

Are you prepared?

Life can be hard. It can feel like a momentous effort to get out of bed. Yet these are the days that matter. These days show you who you really are, what kind of stuff you’re made of, who you call in your dark hours. You can’t change what is happening around you, but you can choose how you’ll respond.

Do you have a game plan for life’s lows?

Write a go-to list that provides extra healing and care for days you’re feeling less than prime. Watch a movie, meditate, write, take a yoga class, go for a long walk, listen to great music, eat delicious food. Even small actions can help reset your energy and redirect your focus.

And if you can’t snap out of your funk, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Reach out. Even your closest, cheeriest friends’ worlds have turned black at some point in time. You are not alone and never will be. The sun will return.

The unusual gift of fear

If you feel afraid, there’s a good chance something big is about to happen. You have a choice: run away or step towards it.

With fear resting on one side of the scale, desire to change sits on the other. Either you desperately want something different or a situation has become so unpleasant it leaves no other possible choice. If you let fear win, you may find yourself in the same position next year, or even five years down the line.

Fear forces you to prepare and plan, to collect information, and to consider possible outcomes. But giving too much power to fear welcomes anxiety, lets the mind to travel to far too distant places, and distorts your perspective. From an evolutionary perspective, fear triggers fight or flight. Your heart rate quickens, breathing becomes shallow, and your vision narrows. Unknown situations and unfamiliar circumstances trigger the responses our ancestors once had at the hiss of a snake or bear or enemy.

Each time you embrace fear, you become stronger. The spaces fear once lingered become smaller, and in time, you’ll have so much light that only a small shadow is cast. The next time fear creeps into shadowy places, you’ll know how to cope.

Recognize fear for what it is. Write down all of the possible situations that might occur — the mistakes you’re afraid of, the “maybes” that might happen, the potential disasters (yes, even the ludicrous ones), your fears of success.

Then get ready to act. Committing to a decision will increase your confidence, and fear will be the one that begins to tremble.

Breathe deep and go.

Priorities and time management

How you choose to spend your day reflects the priorities you’ve set. Where you direct your focus, who you spend your time with, what you do after work — these are decisions that show what is most important to you.
Parcel out the goals you’re hoping to accomplish and block work into manageable chunks. Sometimes you’ll need to turn off your wifi, or say no to lunch dates, or even place a project higher on your list of daily to-dos.
Your priorities may shift, but your core values direct your time.

When you’ve been hurt

Your heart is broken. Maybe for the first time, maybe for the fifth. You have two choices now.

You can allow pain and anger to seep through your being and go about shielding yourself from any scenario that might cause these feelings again. This will undoubtedly result in limited encounters with the world, stifled relationships, and a blunted emotional experience.

OR

You can look for the lessons. You can dive into the pain and see if you can find greater understanding, more peace, more authenticity, and more focus than ever before. Instead of running, you can sit with the experience and breathe into it, knowing that eventually, slowly, it will pass. That in time small ripples of joy will wash healing currents through your life.

Past failures and disappointments only dictate your future if you let them. Seek out daily moments of magic and wonder. Flashes of lightening in a night sky. The impish smirk of a young child. The rustle of leaves at dusk. Kindness between strangers.

This is how you go on.