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Tag: awareness

The rebellion of questions

As a school girl, I found myself in detention for asking questions. I was threatened to be kicked out of academic programs for challenging authority. You were permitted one question after your name was called, and superiors always had the last word. Too many questions meant insolence, disrespect and delinquency.

The problem is the greatest inventions arise from asking questions. When we dare to ask why, archaic systems can improve and new ways of doing things emerge.

Questions can take courage, and perseverance is sometimes needed to find the right answers. Honest leadership will welcome such speculation and discussion.

Unlearning problematic beliefs

Certain beliefs have been hardwired into our minds. From a very early age, our behavior has been molded by rewards and experiences. Thought patterns have formed impressive grooves onto our brains, so much in fact, that twenty, thirty, even forty years later, these patterns persist — some without us knowing, some incredibly damaging to our progress as human beings.

A few of mine, for example:

As fast as possible is always best (efficiency!).

“Doing nothing” is bad.

Self-sacrifice is noble.

Money means struggle.

I’m not sure what they are for you. They’re not always easy to uncover. Typically the worst ones manifest in subtle ways until slowly, overtime, their cumulative effects create disturbance. This is why thousands of Americans flock to doctors: there’s an issue to fix (depression, anxiety, disinterest, fatigue, high blood pressure, panic). These symptoms can result in lost jobs, broken relationships, low self-esteem, hopelessness or worse.

One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the space and time to look at possible causes of such symptoms. What is the root of the hardships you’re enduring? When you think you’ve identified the issue, push yourself to go even deeper. But please, don’t be afraid to consult a qualified therapist to walk you gently through this potentially dark and lonely forest. The right person can be a light as you find your way home.

It can take months, years to unlearn damaging beliefs. Be patient with yourself and stay focused on what you really want your life to look like. You’re worth it.

“You’re too fast.”

The monks have pointed out I talk fast, walk fast, act fast, eat fast, think fast. This is in stark contrast to everything they do. American culture and competitive spirit has turned me into a shark. I’m afraid that if I stop, I might die.

I know I’m not the only one who thinks this. Every entrepreneur can wake at 2AM and think of something that needs to be done.

In Nepal, I’m learning two things:

1. Doing nothing is actually something and can be good for you.

2. Slowness is an art.

While many business situations require fast action, there’s equally valid merit from slow decisions and calculated effort.

When you find your passion, people will hate you.

“I think your [sic] passionate about your work and I know it turns people like me off.”

The message pinged in my Facebook inbox as I was going to sleep.

Maybe because I was in a particularly fragile state — two days in bed with high fever, my arms and legs raging with sunburn, pimples dotting my face, constipation, tension high with continued visa struggles, pressure to find funding for our annex building while trying to keep dinners in NYC going strong — I’ll admit, the comment stung. It got me thinking about what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been going about it. I instantly starting writing and analyzing.

You see, even when you’re shining and radiant and doing good work in the world, there will be people who don’t like you, who don’t understand, who aren’t supportive.

Ignore them. Write a list of all your wins and keep going.

P.S. If I had good wifi, I would download and listen to James’ podcasts.

Acceptance and a face tattoo

Last night I had a dream I got a tattoo. It was a big black tribal symbol winding down the side of my face and neck. Sometimes my hair would hide it, but no amount of accessories or clothing could conceal its dark lines. I spent most of the dream trying to come to terms with it and accept the fact I had this thing permanently etched onto my skin.

I’ve sat with NY Times bestselling authors, farmers in Nepal, Tibetan Buddhists, Wall Street sharks, Italian philosophers and millionaires from California. They all have one thing in common:

Everyone wants something.

I have yet to meet an individual who is 100% honestly, truly satisfied. Everyone has some benchmark they are trying to tip, some element of their life they wish they could change. This is life.

No matter where you are, who you are, how much money you have, or who sleeps next to you, there is something that could be better, easier, more exciting, different. This gap drives who we are and what we do. We spend so much time and energy building, creating, altering and striving that it seems against our nature to be satisfied.

Acceptance is one of those gold terms; if you nail it, you’re rich. Wealth comes from recognizing what cannot be changed and where there is opportunity (of self, of others, the good and bad of what life deals you). If you can work with what you have, you’re well on your way.

The psychology of wanting what you can’t have

There’s something out of reach, and your mind is focused on it like a laser. A job, a relationship, a sum of money, a status. Whatever it is, it is unavailable, and you know it. But that doesn’t stop you from dreaming about it.

Your brain has tricked you into thinking this is where the rewards are. A tasty cocktail of novelty, desire, delayed gratification, and dopamine has you convinced this is what will make you happy, this will bring peace and prosperity and satisfaction. You compare yourself to those who DO have, and you’ll never measure up.

This is easy.

You’re spending your energy and time on the unattainable. Your yearning is conveniently preventing you from focusing your attention on what you do have. While you fantasize about what you can’t have, the problems you can solve, the circumstances you can change, the talents you do possess sit idle on the sidelines.

Catch yourself. Catch yourself longing and redirect your thoughts to what is in the realm of possibility. Channel your energy towards places you can affect.

I have a hunch you’ll find more happiness there.