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How to build confidence

Confidence can be a deal breaker. Take two individuals, one with above-average talent and little confidence and the other with little talent and above-average confidence, and the confident person will most likely come out ahead. The difference between the two is that the confident person has practiced.

Very few people are born confident; confidence stems from an individual’s ability to place themselves in new and uncomfortable experiences while simultaneously managing anxiety and stress. Everyone has a critical voice, yet confident people have learned how to quiet that voice, or at the very least, push through moments of doubt and uncertainty.

The good news for those who don’t feel up to par in the confidence department? Confidence is a muscle. It can be worked and strengthened and developed over time. Here are 6 tips to get started.

1. Imagine a confident person.

Who do you know who exudes confidence? Someone who connects easily with others and the world around them. What would they do if they were placed in your same situation?

Pretend you are that person, even just for a moment.

2. Become your own cheerleader.

Write affirmations on sticky notes and place them throughout your house, in your kitchen, in your car. Set calendar reminders with motivational quotes. Listen to uplifting music. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and build an atmosphere that encourages creativity and hope.

3. Scare yourself. 

Intentionally place yourself in uncomfortable or new situations. Regularly. Whether you’re afraid of rejection or failing or being laughed at, push yourself into challenging territories. Each time you successfully navigate a new experience, your belief in yourself and your abilities will increase.

4. Make a “Did-It” list.

Instead of listing all of the things you need to do, take time to reflect on what you have accomplished. Even if you have fallen short on your goals, congratulate yourself for trying. It can be helpful to write lists of past accomplishments. Take stock of what you’re proud of and remind yourself of your capabilities.

5. Practice care.

Take care of yourself: Body, mind, and spirit. Eat foods rich in nutrients. Move, walk, run, lift things. Meditate or practice yoga. Dress in clothes that make you feel good. And take care of others. Volunteer. Teach a class. Caring for your self and others improves self-efficacy, your belief in yourself and your ability to create change.

6. Learn to say no.

Say no to people who aren’t good for you. Say no to obligations that suck your time. Say no to habits that aren’t helping you reach your goals. Say no to negative thoughts.

Remember that you are valuable. You deserve the best. You are worthy.

What are your confidence-boosting tips? Tweet me to share your secrets.

What if nobody shows up?

What if nobody comes? If your product isn’t well received? If you get one bad review after the next?

What if you thrill five people? And those five people are so impressed by your work that they tell their friends. Then five more people try your services or show up to your event or read your book. And out of those five, two people are so deeply moved that they share with their friends.

That’s how movements begin.

This is very different from the fast-track to fame we so often read about. It is difficult to catapult to the top of the “best list,” to become the richest and most sought after in one swoop. But slowly, with time, your work can amass a following.

The question is whether you have the patience to see it through. Can you delight in pleasing five people instead of 50? 1,000?

Your work is your art. Five people could mean success.

Write a book in eighty minutes

That’s what this group did — A group of twenty young people, hand picked from many, many applications, were given the assignment to write an ebook together. Except they were only given one hour and twenty minutes to complete it and publish it online.

This wasn’t simply a writing exercise. This was a teaching moment, an experience in vulnerability, connection, community, and risk taking. A practice in connecting ideas and people in a meaningful way. These students learned to alternate between stepping back and seeing the whole picture, then leaning in and dissecting the work before stepping back and reviewing the vision all over again.

They learned that fear is a powerful roadblock, but one that can be picked up and moved. Anytime. Anywhere. They practiced listening. They saw first hand that when you ask the right questions and stop to listen, the world unfolds before you. And they learned to step into the unique role that only you can create for yourself.

You have far more control over your destiny than you could ever possibly imagine.

36 ways to cultivate gratitude

  1. Write a letter.
  2. Meditate.
  3. Look at old photos.
  4. Go for a walk.
  5. Cook a special meal.
  6. Start a journal.
  7. Send flowers.
  8. Bake cookies.
  9. Take new photos.
  10. Compliment someone.
  11. Sit in nature.
  12. Praise a colleague.
  13. Call a relative.
  14. Hug warmly.
  15. Savor a cup of tea.
  16. Listen to soft music.
  17. Smile.
  18. Concentrate on your breathing.
  19. Acknowledge a stranger.
  20. Teach what you know.
  21. Block out time in your calendar.
  22. Surprise a loved one.
  23. Make a playlist.
  24. Wake up to watch the sun rise.
  25. Give to a meaningful cause.
  26. Watch the sun set.
  27. Observe your thoughts.
  28. Move slowly, intentionally.
  29. Volunteer.
  30. Do an online yoga class.
  31. Watch clouds pass.
  32. Download a new podcast.
  33. Start a new project.
  34. Recognize kindness.
  35. Say thank you.
  36. Love.

Pace yourself

No runner wants to crawl across the finish line. Racers practice their pace and know how much energy they need to exert for each mile.

Entrepreneurs need this skill, too.

Go all out in the beginning and you risk having little steam in reserves. Aim for a steady stream of effort and intention, however, and you will have the endurance and patience to persevere through even the most challenging situations.

It matters less how strong you come out of the gate. What is more important is how much effort you can put forth down the line.