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Category: Relationships

If you’re in a funk (31 ways to destroy a bad mood)

  1. Go sit in a different room.
  2. Take 5 minutes to be quiet and still (turn off your phone, set an alarm if you must).
  3. Walk outside.
  4. Search for your favorite artist’s playlist on youtube.
  5. Invest in an essential oil you love. Two drops can do wonders.
  6. Write a list of 5 things you are thankful for in this moment.
  7. Treat yourself (massage, cupcake, small gift).
  8. Make a salad with ingredients you pick up from a farmers’ market.
  9. Play with an animal.
  10. Browse the shelves in your local bookstore.
  11. Go to/from your office using a new route, even if it takes longer.
  12. Listen to an interesting or inspiring podcast.
  13. Do yoga at home.
  14. Watch a movie at the theater.
  15. Send a message to a friend.
  16. Write yourself a letter.
  17. Place fresh cut flowers in your home.
  18. Step outside and listen for birds.
  19. Find shapes in clouds.
  20. Draw, paint, color, glue, build, hammer, stitch.
  21. Plant something.
  22. “Guilty pleasure.” Everyone has one; indulge yourself and don’t feel guilty about it.
  23. Write a new bucket list. List dreams that get you excited.
  24. Don’t do anything. Focus on your breathing. Yes, doing nothing is actually fine.
  25. Take a nap. Not getting enough sleep is proven to impact mental health.
  26. Dance. Doesn’t matter what you look like. Turn up your favorite tune, close the curtains and stomp it out.
  27. Burn regrets. Those decisions weighing you down? Write them out. You can sit with that paper for twenty minutes, then light a match to it.
  28. Stay off social media. Just. Don’t. Do. It. Go one day without logging online and see how you feel.
  29. Read. Return an old favorite or ask a friend for recommendations.
  30. Do one thing you’ve never done before. Doesn’t matter what it is — dance class, open mic, an online course. Try something different.
  31. Make plans. Big or small, a trip to another country or a lunch date, get something on the calendar that you can look forward to.

“You’re not married?”

“Not married! You don’t want kids?” I often receive questions regarding my relationship status. My answer, it seems, disappoints/confuses many, as if some defect on my part has rendered me less valuable or ambitious.

A little under three years ago, I came to a developing country, alone, where I have volunteered as a social worker and teacher. I established an education center, built a solar grid and fundraised to bring clothes, scholarships and learning adventures to friends in need. Before arriving in Nepal, I qualified for Boston the first time I ran the NYC Marathon. I counsel students, entrepreneurs and notable personalities. I’ve traveled to over twenty countries, finished my Master’s at Columbia University, completed an original research project and graduated with honors from CU Boulder. I have started pro-social groups for adolescent delinquents and have a baby named after me. I’ve organized events that have brought people together from different disciplines and have maintained a weekly blog since 2012. My writing has been published in journals and online. I’ve listened to stories of immigrants and middle class families struggling to pay bills. I’m working on a book. Yet the question isn’t about what I’ve done or plan to do, it’s who and when I will marry.

This is a question I receive in all parts of the world, developed and less so. My single male friends, also in their 30s, seem to evade this inquiry. Instead, they are asked other success indicators: work, house, salary, dog. Isn’t it time we see each other for who we are instead of expectations we carry?

Isn’t it time to have conversations based upon the individual, without of assumptions of race or age or gender or income? Isn’t it time we listen for what drives another’s actions to hear what fuels their beliefs, their convictions, their dreams?

If we could listen more and judge less, our world would move closer towards that tolerant, respectful place we all deserve.

“What is your greatest accomplishment?” serves a much better bridge for meaningful conversation.

Can questions foster closeness?

I believe they do.

This is why all of Project Exponential’s signature dinners use questions to bring attendees together.

It’s scary to reveal parts of ourselves to others, but in order to nuture relationships and develop closeness in both personal and professional networks, we must establish rapport, build trust and pave the way for future communication.

The questions listed in a recent NY Times article parallel some of the questions our attendees face at monthly dinners. The article groups queries in levels of vulnerability, with the first set serving up light appetizers (“When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”) and leading up to the heavy fourth course (“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?”).

Print out the list and ask your partner questions over tonight’s dinner. Let me know how it goes.

12 questions to get past small talk and find out what really matters at networking events

Gone are the days where weather, food and family are the only acceptable topics of discussion at networking events. People yearn for connection and crave something that makes them feel alive.

The people who attract strangers at a party lure with conversations of quality, not quantity. These individuals are passionate, focused and giving, and speaking to them can challenge and inspire you to become your best self.

(You, too, can become one of these people!)

Consider the following questions for your next social engagement:

1. What inspires you?
2. What one problem do you presently wish you could solve?
3. If you were given 1 million dollars, what would you do with it?
4. What’s your favorite aspect of your work?
5. What does your perfect day look like?
6. What would “your book” be about?
7. What do you wish you would have learned in school (but didn’t)?
8. What are you afraid of?
9. What’s the most difficult part of your work?
10. What has been the most valuable introduction you’ve received?
11. Where are you stuck?
12. How can I help?

Click here to read 12 questions to turn small talk into real talk, originally posted on May 7, 2013.

You have something precious

Several months ago I had the pleasure of speaking on the ChapterBe podcast. I talked about how I ended up in Nepal and lessons I’ve learned along the way. It was a great interview, punctuated with street dogs barking in the background.

The podcast highlights stories of people living across the globe who have made a commitment to live authentically, passionately, and with conviction. I was honored to be included.

We all have unique skills and stories that lead us down winding, magical roads. From the moment we wake up until our heads again find rest, our bodies are catapulted across spectacular terrain. Mothers feed families and dream of their children’s futures, fathers are forced to make decisions based upon their own life challenges, sons dare to become better than their parents, and daughters fight to turn dreams into reality.

My point is this: the lessons you’ve learned and the challenges you’ve overcome could help someone else facing a similar predicament. Have the courage to share.

Hiring and firing can make or break you

I had to make some difficult decisions this week. A few team players haven’t been pulling their weight, so after several discussions trying to find the root of the problem, we had to have The Conversation.

There are moments to recognize when it’s time to move on. Passions may be mismatched, vision lost, energy depleted. Firing doesn’t need to reflect an individual’s potential; in fact, letting someone go gives them permission to find the position that will bring them prosperity and happiness (if it was the role at hand, the conversation would probably not be taking place to begin with).

The right team can catapult your project to success while a mismanaged bunch can send even the best, most meticulous plans to the gutter. It’s important to identify an individual’s motives and skills; it’s equally important to remember that even the more alluring incentives may not work.

One of the biggest decisions you’ll make in your life is who you spend time with. Friends, colleagues and spouses have significant power over you. If you’ve ever worked in an office where colleagues were dismal and did barely what was needed to get by, you know the feeling you get when you’re around energy suckers. Or if you’ve been in a relationship that’s failed to meet your needs and validate you as a remarkable being, you’ve experienced that temporary loss of personal strength and clarity. It’s hard to create and build and dream when these kinds of people fill your days.

When you have the power to assemble a team, choose wisely, and have the compassion and empathy to recognize when it’s not working. Then, with kindness and care, let the other person go.