bloglovinBloglovin iconCombined ShapeCreated with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. rssRSS iconsoundcloudSoundCloud iconFill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch.

Category: Relationships

The responsibility to connect

We have tools at our fingertips to connect and unite. Different levels of support, layers of talent, examples to reference. With access comes choice.
What if “connecting” was an obligation? Would you make that call? Send that email? Reprioritize your schedule?
Your introduction could match a promising worker with an employer in need, build a bridge for a new partnership, make someone’s work a little easier.
Often, it isn’t a lack of opportunity or awareness but of willingness.

5 ways to be a great manager

Managing people is hard. I think this is why there are so many bad bosses. Now that I’m leading a team of my own, I’ve realized how much skill goes into becoming a great manager.

While leadership traits may come naturally to some, managers can make the effort to create cohesive, hardworking teams and establish workplaces filled with satisfied employees.

Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price which all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile. -Vince Lombardi

My top 5 tips for successful managerial roles:

1. Great managers find out what makes a person tick. Instead of hiring for a position and letting an individual fend for themselves, a good manager asks questions, learns about the person’s history and experience to determine what motivates that person to do their best work.

2. Great managers are like social workers. They not only consider the work environment, but they consider their employees’ home and personal life, too. If a worker consistently shows up late for work, a bad manager is quick to fire; however, a good manager asks questions to figure out the problem and address underlying difficulties.

3. Great managers aren’t afraid to shuffle positions and redefine roles. Sometimes you hire someone who isn’t a fit for the duties you need performed, but you discover they excel in other ways. A great manager spots talent and builds an environment to cultivate it.

4. Great managers make employees feel good. Employees want to feel valued and part of a team. Every worker wants to be respected and utilized. Using rewards and incentives and delegating responsibility, great managers create team cohesion and satisfaction among team members.

5. Great managers exhibit the skills and behaviors they hope their employees display. Communication is open, direct and straight forward. Skilled leaders observe and take time to respond to situations instead of reacting to circumstance. They display kindness, fairness and enthusiasm. They ask questions if they don’t know.

Being human

Recently I was rejected. I spent a lot of time crafting the perfect letter, re-writing and re-reading and editing the hell out of my argument to compose a convincing, logical, matter-of-fact and to the point submission. I sent in my proposal confidently. The rejection was prompt, and, of course, it stung.

I received a phone call several days later. “You have to explain why YOU want this,” the man instructed, “You have to say why YOU, not anyone else. They didn’t buy it.” I removed too much humanity from my writing, and the panel wasn’t pleased. They didn’t want perfect. They weren’t looking for politically or grammatically correct. They wanted the messy version: gritty, personal, detailed. They wanted human.

I submitted a second letter, this time writing for a friend. I wrote truthfully, about relationships and desire. I mentioned insecurities and inserted myself back onto the page. It worked.

Panels, bosses, review boards and government agencies — yes, they have a pulse, too. This is the place where we connect, where we can build bridges, where we can learn from each other and help ease our suffering.

Let’s not forget our where our commonalities lie. Our hearts beat the same.

Today’s opportunity

Everyone is busy and tired. Even with “nothing” to do, people still find reasons to worry. Stress is a worldwide experience, but our response differs. Consider an interview or an ESL speaking test; everyone is nervous, it’s how you’re able to manage your anxiety to perform.
We’re all hurting. Relationships disappoint, jobs are tiresome, families demand. Whether you’re in the top income bracket or the lowest, money is always an issue.
You have a choice today, a unique opportunity. It does’t need to involve a fundraiser or a charity or a huge demonstration, although it might. It’s simple: alleviate another’s pain.
Is there a kind word you can say? A message you can send? A smile? A gesture? Could you be a little more patient, more loving, more understanding towards someone else’s circumstance? Can you manage your anger, that embarrassing knee-jerk response and see the situation from a different angle? Can you listen?

Would you stop eating for a cause you believe in?

That’s exactly what Dr. Govinda KC did. A senior orthopedic surgeon and professor at Nepal’s prestigious Tribhuvan University Teaching Hospital, Dr. KC didn’t eat for twelve days. Citing malpractice and corruption in Nepal’s health and education systems, the doctor demanded change. His hunger protest urged government leaders to intervene and take action against dishonest office holders and reassess current policies and practice.
Thousands of medical professionals showed their allegiance, refusing to work and crippling hospitals throughout the country. Civil society members urged Dr. KC to show flexibility as many patients suffered. On the twelfth day of his hunger strike, a several-point agreement was drafted and signed.
I’ve never seen or heard anything like this. For someone to choose to starve themselves for days on end, to refuse food and risk their health in the name of a cause they believe in requires courage, bravery, and perhaps, questionable lucidity.
Regardless, it worked.
The government has formed a task force to monitor and assess existing medical programs. Current appointments will be evaluated and granted based on seniority and merit. Medical colleges that fail to meet standard requirements will be banned. Baseline fees for nursing, paramedic, and medicine courses will be set to eliminate the development of education as a business sector. Free government education has been promised. Policy will be written to ensure the availability of government medical college for all citizens.
While it’s clear a hunger protest seems a drastic means to achieve a desired outcome, it raises the issue of the level an individual must fight to combat corruption and demand good. It’s clear Dr. KC’s actions spurred response from higher authorities. But his act raises questions about one person’s life in context of the collective — and the sometimes drastic steps an individual must take to enact change.
Overthrowing long-standing institutions requires indeterminable patience, some measure of self-sacrifice and relentless hard work. I’m not suggesting we all go on hunger strikes, but I would like to see the equivalent of Dr. KC’s passion and determination more often in our world.
This is the fifth time the doctor has staged such a protest.

Fear and places we connect

On Valentine’s Day, I gave roses to strangers in Nepal. It sounds beautiful, but it began as a terrifying experience. I couldn’t bring myself to hand the first rose to an adult, I was too petrified. “What will she think? What will I say? What if the gift isn’t appreciated?” Instead, I approached a ten-year-old sitting beside her grandmother. The smile on the little girl’s face and her accompanying enthusiasm gave me the courage I needed to continue. Almost three dozen roses were distributed throughout the day.

Brené Brown discusses this kind of fear in Krista Tippett’s podcast (On Being is one of my favorites). She labels moments of vulnerability and insecurity as opportunities, treasures that allow us to connect more deeply with others. When we open ourselves to uncertainty and encounter moments of fear, we step into the doorway of stronger relationships. So we do shy away from these moments of doubt?

It takes courage to connect, but the rewards are endless.

PS – Invitations will soon be sent for March’s dinner event in New York City. Make sure you’re on the list or send me a note if you’re interested in attending.