bloglovinBloglovin iconCombined ShapeCreated with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. rssRSS iconsoundcloudSoundCloud iconFill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch.

Category: Challenge

The psychology of wanting what you can’t have

There’s something out of reach, and your mind is focused on it like a laser. A job, a relationship, a sum of money, a status. Whatever it is, it is unavailable, and you know it. But that doesn’t stop you from dreaming about it.

Your brain has tricked you into thinking this is where the rewards are. A tasty cocktail of novelty, desire, delayed gratification, and dopamine has you convinced this is what will make you happy, this will bring peace and prosperity and satisfaction. You compare yourself to those who DO have, and you’ll never measure up.

This is easy.

You’re spending your energy and time on the unattainable. Your yearning is conveniently preventing you from focusing your attention on what you do have. While you fantasize about what you can’t have, the problems you can solve, the circumstances you can change, the talents you do possess sit idle on the sidelines.

Catch yourself. Catch yourself longing and redirect your thoughts to what is in the realm of possibility. Channel your energy towards places you can affect.

I have a hunch you’ll find more happiness there.

Party ideas

Form teams with your friends and choose a challenge:

  • Turn $50 into $100.
  • Brighten ten people’s day.
  • Make money from restaurant reservations.
  • Start a business in the community park.
  • Share your expertise with strangers.
  • Help kids run a lemonade stand.

Meet for dinner or share a bottle of wine to swap stories.
(I’d love to hear what you do… tweet or send me a note.)

selling yourself, itching, and bragging rights

You don’t need to sell yourself; you just need to create an itch.

(Unless you are famous. If you’re like me, you’re not, so you’ll need to work to demonstrate credibility and get attention.)

Show me your passion, your professionalism, your successes. Make me believe you’re friendly and approachable and confident and dependable and honest and good.

I want to know you can give me what you say you can. I want to know I’ll get my money’s worth — maybe even more. And I want to know you take pride in your art.

It’s not bragging if it’s true.

Figure out what you want to learn and go do it.

The most valuable things I’ve learned I’ve learned by doing. I didn’t read them out of a book or listen to some famous person who drastically changed my life (although some of these things surely helped).

I knew little about business jargon and brand platforms until I began consulting for Fortune 500 companies.

I learned about people’s psychology and motivation conducting clinical assessments.

I became a producer and creative consultant while organizing events.

I became a writer (a long time dream of mine) when I started calling myself one (I was always writing).

What do you want to be good at? Go.

 

Fear and two choices

Everyone has moments of panic.
If you don’t experience fear and anxiety from time to time, I’d wonder what kind of life you’re living. You’re probably not doing justice to your capabilities and talents or testing your limits. But this post isn’t about that.
I want you to pay attention to what you do AFTER those moments of panic and fear.
You have two choices:
1. Press on. 
Step on the gas and move forward (it doesn’t matter how slowly). Call it leaning in, fighting resistance, bucking up. I say you’re just going for it.
2. Ease off.
You’ve taken your foot off the pedal and/or you’ve stepped on the brake.
What do you do when you’re afraid?
Boarding my flight for Nepal, I was filled with trepidation and unease. I wish I could say I knew something amazing was waiting for me. I can’t. It wasn’t that I was afraid to travel around the world by myself; I was afraid of not knowing what the hell I was doing. There was fear and deep sense of anxiety, but I didn’t let it stop me.
I’m not unique. Many individuals have gotten on planes and found life-changing adventures — Scott, Eric, John, Tim, Hannah, Jim. Defining moments don’t have to involve travel, either. I felt this before my first dinner and my first project with Seth.
I’ve recognized panic and fear before many great learning experiences. There’s always something to lose, and your mind will come up with a million excuses why you will fail. The trick is finding a place of creative freedom and alleviating your fears just long enough to press on.