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Tag: relationships

You can say “No.”

And when you do, you open up space in your life for more: More of what you want. More of what gets you closer to your goals. More of what serves you.

“No” is necessary.

Saying “No” forces to you to confront the parts of you that crave acceptance. The pieces that yearn to be liked and to please.

Your “No” might start an argument. You may disappoint someone close to you. But every time you say “Yes,” “Okay” or “Sure” when you really mean “No,” your heart shrivels.

Declining invitations and turning down offers doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Your “No” doesn’t need to be swaddled in guilt. When you learn to say “No,” you show the people around you that you value your time. That you have priorities. That you care about things that matter and place emphasis on doing on your best work. That when you show up, you show up 110% and commit fully to the task at hand.

Practice saying “No” once this week.

36 ways to cultivate gratitude

  1. Write a letter.
  2. Meditate.
  3. Look at old photos.
  4. Go for a walk.
  5. Cook a special meal.
  6. Start a journal.
  7. Send flowers.
  8. Bake cookies.
  9. Take new photos.
  10. Compliment someone.
  11. Sit in nature.
  12. Praise a colleague.
  13. Call a relative.
  14. Hug warmly.
  15. Savor a cup of tea.
  16. Listen to soft music.
  17. Smile.
  18. Concentrate on your breathing.
  19. Acknowledge a stranger.
  20. Teach what you know.
  21. Block out time in your calendar.
  22. Surprise a loved one.
  23. Make a playlist.
  24. Wake up to watch the sun rise.
  25. Give to a meaningful cause.
  26. Watch the sun set.
  27. Observe your thoughts.
  28. Move slowly, intentionally.
  29. Volunteer.
  30. Do an online yoga class.
  31. Watch clouds pass.
  32. Download a new podcast.
  33. Start a new project.
  34. Recognize kindness.
  35. Say thank you.
  36. Love.

Power down

Do you power down your devices or put them to sleep? Are your machines and electronics constantly running or do you turn them off to conserve energy?

What about yourself?

When was the last time you gave yourself a day to “switch off” — a day disconnected from alerts and email dings and calendar reminders. A day powered down and turned inward to reflect and enjoy the people around you.

Schedule one day this week for a “digital detox.” Your smartphone can wait and whatever email arrives in your inbox will be there tomorrow.

Extend the life of your battery. Power down.

Close but not too close

Intimacy isn’t only found in relationships. The energy you put into work and into yourself also requires closeness, attention, warmth, and care.

How much effort are you putting forth? What are you holding back? Are you “all in” or hesitantly waiting to see how things pan out?

It is natural to build mechanisms to protect yourself from pain and disappointment and failure. But if the defenses you’ve built are stopping you from establishing meaningful relationships and putting your best work into projects that are important to you, it is worth evaluating whether such precautions are necessary.

Which boundaries are essential and which are limiting your growth as an individual, a partner, a colleague, and as a friend?

Two factors to measure success

How do you measure your success, is is the numbers in your bank account, your title at the firm, the number of clients you land in a month? In this moment, do you consider yourself a failure? Or would you describe yourself as a success?

I have written about how we define and measure success and have asked monks and entrepreneurs and academics what they think. So much of our unhappiness stems from comparison and self-worth — I don’t have a house like she does, look at the wife he has, she was promoted so quickly, he’s making six-figures and I’m stuck at five.

It is easier to see the missing pieces. Thoughts about what we do not posses overtake contemplations about what we do. It takes concentration to remember the places from which you came, the lessons learned along the way, the growth that took years and months to master. Ignore the numbers, as Howard Schultz (Starbucks) realized. Happiness is a fluctuating bar.

I’d like to propose a new method of measuring success. Two factors, actually:

1.) Progress.
2.) Satisfaction.

Progress can be measured by revisiting your starting point. Have you moved forward? Has your company/relationship/personal trait improved by some degree?

Satisfaction is felt and requires some honesty on your part. Do you have a sense of accomplishment or reward at the end of the day? Can you look in the mirror with contentment? With pride?

Progress and/or satisfaction.

If you can claim one of these two characteristics, you are a success. If you have both progress AND satisfaction, you are in an excellent position. Keep going.

Are you making a difference to one person?
Are you doing work honestly and with passion?
Are you focused on integrity and vision?
Are you pleased with your efforts?
Are you able to show up day in and day out?

The root of unhappiness lies in your definition of success. It’s worth revisiting what and who you think is successful and why. Maybe you are, too.

When your world turns black

Your project will fail. Your spouse will file for divorce. You’ll be looked over for the promotion. You’ll lose money on your startup. Your child will get arrested. People will talk badly about you. It will start raining as soon as you leave the office.

All of these things can happen.

Are you prepared?

Life can be hard. It can feel like a momentous effort to get out of bed. Yet these are the days that matter. These days show you who you really are, what kind of stuff you’re made of, who you call in your dark hours. You can’t change what is happening around you, but you can choose how you’ll respond.

Do you have a game plan for life’s lows?

Write a go-to list that provides extra healing and care for days you’re feeling less than prime. Watch a movie, meditate, write, take a yoga class, go for a long walk, listen to great music, eat delicious food. Even small actions can help reset your energy and redirect your focus.

And if you can’t snap out of your funk, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Reach out. Even your closest, cheeriest friends’ worlds have turned black at some point in time. You are not alone and never will be. The sun will return.