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Tag: fear

Do you have what you want?

True or false:

  1. Fairy tales are real.
  2. Adventure isn’t just for vacation.
  3. Your work can be meaningful.
  4. You have the ability to create more stability and security than with any employer.

Throughout my work with industry leaders, entrepreneurs, small business owners, and 1:1 clients, I’ve pinpointed three key areas that prevent belief in the above:

  • Resentment
  • Lack of focus
  • Stagnation (disguised fear)

As a result, I’ve developed a methodology to help people push beyond perceived limits and get what they really desire. It’s based on the following principles:

Get honest

Easier for some people than others… make the time and find someplace quiet to sit down and get real with yourself. You’ll need to make a commitment to be honest about what it is you want, how you spend your time, who your closest relationships are, what kind of environments nourish your soul. Being able to identify crucial aspects of your personality, character, likes, dislikes, and leadership preferences (do you listen, lead, or follow?) can help you with the next step.

Set goals

The goals you set for yourself provide the framework for your energy and efforts. Without specific goals, you won’t be as effective; your intentions and actions less efficient. The trick is to identify goals that are meaningful and relevant for you (sometimes folks confuse another person’s expectations and preferences with their own).

Once you’ve labeled what you want and have set both long and short-term goals accordingly, you’ll be able to do your best work. Get what you want by working backwards is a post that can help you create a plan that will crush obstacles and conquer blocks (both internal and external) that might stop you in your tracks. Your fears have a more difficult time hiding when you have concrete goals in mind and on paper.

Ship

The final stage, and perhaps the most important. Perfectionism, commitment issues, laziness, self hatred — these kinds of things show up here. Guess what? They’re mostly about fear. By forcing yourself to put your work into the world, you’ll learn that products don’t need to be perfect to be finished. You may even realize that your biggest obstacle in getting things done is…you. Ship, and show fear who is boss.

I’ve been using a tailored version of this formula with a number of clients and have watched incredible transformations take place. If you’re interested in learning more and seeing whether our work together might help you, feel free to drop me a note. I’d love to hear what’s working (and what isn’t) for you.

Are you afraid to fail (and talk about it)?

At a recent curated dinner, I asked leaders from a variety of industries to discuss a topic that doesn’t often enter first conversations: failure.

The most successful among us have failed, yet it is a subject riddled with anxiety and fear. We are afraid to be called out as a fraud, so we avoid talking about moments of doubt and insecurity. It is, in fact, the ability to screw up and fail that drives innovation, creativity, clarity, success, and more…

Brené Brown says moments of struggle and failure help us realize who we are.

Seth Godin received hundreds of rejection letters before finding that crack in the system.

Jason Russell and the Invisible Children team hosted countless school assemblies, rallying crowds and spreading their message long before the Kony 2012 video went viral.

Imagine if companies gave “Employee of the Month” awards to those who tried new initiatives and failed. The rule-followers and safe-players? They get pink slips.

Questions to consider:

1. How have failures contributed to the person you are today?
2. How are you encouraging those around you to fail more often?

Sometimes the best decision is the wrong one.

We’re bombarded with decisions.

Each day we’re faced with a record number of choices. From seemingly insignificant deliberations:

  • what to eat
  • what to wear
  • calendar scheduling
  • whether to walk or bike
  • branded or generic
  • what gifts to buy

to potentially life altering dilemmas:

  • which job to accept
  • what school to attend
  • who to marry
  • stock investments
  • starting a business
  • having children

It’s no wonder folks shy away from concrete decisions. They’re afraid. The bitterness of failure can paralyze even the most steeled among us. We all want to find the best path and make choices leading to our happiness and success, but the pressure to do so becomes burdensome. As a result, we get in our own way, stunt our growth, and eliminate perfectly good opportunities.

Realize any decision can be a good one, and the fear of making a bad choice subsides.

Wrong decisions can provide valuable information about your next best move. If you are willing to observe and take note of your experience and emotional response, most “mistakes” offer beneficial teaching moments.

Give yourself permission to make wrong decisions.

Growth and advancement requires some measure of commitment, risk, and fearlessness. If you can remove labels and take pressure off each decision, you’ll be able to access more and gain from each experience. Refuse to compromise for an abridged version; focus your vision on long-term growth instead.

The power of weakness

In moments of confusion, doubt, insecurity and despair, we feel least like connecting. It becomes tempting to create distance, sit in the corner, and focus inward when feeling less than. We convince ourselves that failures and struggles are better left unspoken.
Yet these moments often proceed sparks of brilliance and unstoppable action.
Too often we rob ourselves of the full spectrum of human connection. An empathic word or kind touch can help us identify the right direction and move closer towards greatness. Genuine communication has the ability to convert despair into hope.
Challenge yourself to trade feelings of unworthiness for opportunities to authentically connect. Embrace moments of weakness and maximize every facet of the human experience. Hiding seldom heals.

You belong in this room.

Don’t sell yourself short.

You aren’t to be ordered about. You are here as a professional.

Everyone else is as uncertain as you are. They may even be more afraid. Yet they’ve made the decision to not let any of this get in their way. They’ve made the choice to show up and be present, regardless of insecurity and fear.

You have a choice to make.

The first few times might be a show. You may have to talk yourself into it. Once you’re there, you may whisper hurtful names to yourself — pretender, phony, fake. Ignore that voice. Slowly, gradually, that whisper will fade and be replaced with an unmistakeable assertion. A knowing, a conviction, a sense of belonging that will lead you to places you had never before considered.

Tolerate discomfort.

The journey often starts with a moment of anxiety, terror, self doubt, even despair. It’s temporary. In time, you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come. The decision to put yourself in the game will become easier, and the unknown will appear less of a threat.

Accept the invitation.

Claim your space. Believe that you can hold your own. Ask questions that can’t be avoided. Demonstrate why you must be reckoned with.

You must show up.

If you’re not in the room, we can’t listen, we can’t watch your magic, and you won’t get any better. Tell us — show us — why should we stop here, with you, and not continue on.

Perseverance wins

We’re faced with more choices than ever before. With relative ease, we buy new products, find new partners, reroute our goals. We’re impatient and easily swayed.

Yet success doesn’t always land in the hands of the most skilled. The winners are those who push through, stay the course, fall down, and get back up — again and again and again.

Commit to something. Focus your vision and keep going.