bloglovinBloglovin iconCombined ShapeCreated with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. rssRSS iconsoundcloudSoundCloud iconFill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch. Fill 1Created with Sketch.

Tag: courage

“You’re not married?”

“Not married! You don’t want kids?” I often receive questions regarding my relationship status. My answer, it seems, disappoints/confuses many, as if some defect on my part has rendered me less valuable or ambitious.

A little under three years ago, I came to a developing country, alone, where I have volunteered as a social worker and teacher. I established an education center, built a solar grid and fundraised to bring clothes, scholarships and learning adventures to friends in need. Before arriving in Nepal, I qualified for Boston the first time I ran the NYC Marathon. I counsel students, entrepreneurs and notable personalities. I’ve traveled to over twenty countries, finished my Master’s at Columbia University, completed an original research project and graduated with honors from CU Boulder. I have started pro-social groups for adolescent delinquents and have a baby named after me. I’ve organized events that have brought people together from different disciplines and have maintained a weekly blog since 2012. My writing has been published in journals and online. I’ve listened to stories of immigrants and middle class families struggling to pay bills. I’m working on a book. Yet the question isn’t about what I’ve done or plan to do, it’s who and when I will marry.

This is a question I receive in all parts of the world, developed and less so. My single male friends, also in their 30s, seem to evade this inquiry. Instead, they are asked other success indicators: work, house, salary, dog. Isn’t it time we see each other for who we are instead of expectations we carry?

Isn’t it time to have conversations based upon the individual, without of assumptions of race or age or gender or income? Isn’t it time we listen for what drives another’s actions to hear what fuels their beliefs, their convictions, their dreams?

If we could listen more and judge less, our world would move closer towards that tolerant, respectful place we all deserve.

“What is your greatest accomplishment?” serves a much better bridge for meaningful conversation.

Top 10 blog posts

Before I list the Top 10 most popular posts I’ve written, I want to acknowledge something big: Project Exponential is coming up on FOUR YEARS of existence, and I can hardly believe it.

I remember that first dinner as if it happened last month. I had to talk myself into calling friends and a few famous people I didn’t know all that well and ask them to join me for something new, an experiment of sorts. I was a nervous wreck in the days leading up to that initial event, second-guessing my planned ice-breakers and seating arrangement. At the end of the night I was so worked up, I couldn’t let myself admit a grand success had just taken place.

Countless dinners later, I continue to receive emails thanking me for thoughtfully creating these kinds of dinners: invaluable introductions; new friends, new ideas; old friends, old ideas; surprising conversations; delight. It’s all come together beautifully, and I couldn’t be more grateful to those who have participated and referred clients seeking meaningful connection.

Top 10 posts:
10. I stopped trying.
9. Figure out what you want to learn and go do it.
8. Stop trying to find your purpose
7. 7 sins of crowdfunding
6. The people in your life will make or break you.
5. 10 questions to ask at a dinner party (instead of “What do you do?”)
4. What brings people together?
3. A coffee riddle
2. 5 rules of hustling
1. 12 questions to turn small talk into real talk 

Thank you for your support, your daring, your ambition, and thanks for coming along this journey with me. Becoming an entrepreneur is not easy, and there are no roadmaps for the many winding, twisting roads you find yourself on. If you have a budding entrepreneur in your life, send them a note to keep going (or share one of these blog posts); if you’re thinking about getting started yourself, GO.

Depression, mood and what you can do

Last year, around 15.7 million adults experienced at least one major depressive episode; this is about 6.7% of the American population. Anyone who has been there knows once you’re in, you’re in. A dark, downward spiral takes over and it’s difficult to climb out. Depression and anxiety paralyzes even perceptive, bright minds and can kill creative endeavors.

In these moments, it feels almost impossible to think about any benefits or plus sides. Yet during these dips and lulls, there are strategies to be learned and tools to pick up to help fight these dark monsters when and if they return.

I’m listing what has helped me. It’s a long road, and I’m grateful for the caring coaches and counselors and friends and mentors who have helped along the way. I hope some of these tips can also help a few of my friends, no matter where you are in the world or what you’re dealing with. Please know you’re not alone.

Number 1: Return to basics

During periods of depression, basic human needs tend to get out of whack. Some people sleep all day while others can’t sleep at all. It’s important to try to establish a regular schedule and routine. Aim for 7-9 hours each night and try to be awake when the sun is out. Even if you’re tempted to take naps, get outside and soak in some rays, they’re good for you and carry Vitamin D.

Try to eliminate or cut down stimulants. Coffee, sugar, drugs and alcohol give you a temporary high and make you feel good for a moment, but when the effect wears off, you’re left feeling even more drained and tired than before.

From my own experiences working with and counseling clients, I’ve noticed that people who suffer from depression tend to be quite sensitive: emotionally and physically. Take care of yourself from the inside out.

Number 2. What are you eating?

Choose to eat healthfully whenever and wherever you can. Whole foods are unprocessed and contain more vitamins and minerals that help boost moods. Again, sweets and alcohol can be tempting for a temporary high, but your blood sugar levels will crash and can push you further downwards.

Vitamin and mineral deficiencies can make everything worse, so put the junk food away and reach for greens, veggies and whole grains. (Omega-3s have been shown to fight depression.)

Number 3. Get moving

Exercise revs up endorphins, helping you feel better as you move. Walking, stretching, going to the gym — it doesn’t matter, as long as it works for you. Be good to your “Earth Suit.”

Number 4. Look up (and around)

Take a moment to think about the triggers that feed your depression and create anxiety.

Facebook? Surfing the net? Watching episode upon episode of TV shows? Staying in the house all day? Talking about certain people? Eating certain meals? Limit these energy suckers and replace them with creative activities:

  • go for a walk
  • volunteer
  • dig around in the garden
  • visit a local bookstore

Make a list of what makes you feel GOOD. These don’t have to be elaborate, expensive activities. Things like:

  • light a candle
  • listen to music
  • visit the farmer’s market
  • call a friend
  • take a class
  • read a book

are easy, cheap and instant mood boosters.

Number 5. Are you independent?

Many people who struggle with depression are powerhouses. They’re capable, strong and fearless. But being too much alone can make depression worse.

Make yourself get out and connect with others. You don’t necessarily have to interact with anybody, just be around people. Go to a place where you can observe life happening: the library, the park, a coffee shop. Step out of your home, away from your thoughts and into the company of others.

Number 6. Connect

Don’t suffer alone, reach out. Message or call people you like: your best friend since high school, that crazy aunt, your neighbor who comes over with hot soup. It feels good to help others, so let your friends and people who care about you help you. You’re not selfish or weak for asking for help.

Also consider your daily habits and lifestyle. Are they isolating you or helping you build a supportive community?

Please remember, reach out. Contact a therapist, join a group, don’t be alone. You’re not.

Number 7. Your thoughts will still be there.

So take a break.

Getting out of your head and away from yourself can be the best way to gain perspective. To do this, direct your attention outwards. Distract yourself if necessary and meditate on expansion instead of restriction. Try not to focus on the depression. Step away and start focusing on small steps you can take RIGHT NOW, in this moment, to feel better.

Another alternative is to volunteer. When you’re giving your time and energy to a positive cause, you’re getting a vacation from your mind. Contributing to something bigger than your own problems and yourself moves your energy and focus away from yourself and your thoughts and onto someone/something else.

Your thoughts will still be there. You can always return, possibly with a different perspective.

Things will be OK. It can get better, and it will. Just take a break.

While you’re dancing

You’re trying to get the project finished, but for whatever reason, your goals aren’t being met. With deadlines looming, all the outcomes you had envisioned are falling short. Nothing is working. Square pegs, round holes. Everywhere. You’re dismally unhappy.

What would happen if you eased off the gas? Put forth a little less effort?

Unmet expectations can be a signal for you to divert your energy. If you’re experiencing continual let-downs and disappointments, it’s absolutely OK to step back and regroup. Is there another project where you can invest your time?

This isn’t giving up, and you’re not a failure. You’re working effectively, conserving your energy for the places pieces fall into place and where people appreciate your efforts.

The best things happen while you’re dancing.

Happy Holidays.

If you feel like giving up

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been at it: there’s a moment you feel like quitting, throwing in the towel, giving up. Seth Godin penned the journey “The Dip” and believes we too often quit the wrong things at the wrong time. Knowing the difference between staying put and moving on can help us find success both professionally and personally.

The truth is that everything new is always fun: relationships, jobs, projects, cars, clothes, music, movies, towns, school. You name it. Then, over time, it gets boring or hard and you find yourself at a point you can’t be bothered to care at all.

This is when professionals step away from hobbyists: they remain focused, trim off the frayed edges and keep going. And if they do quit, they do it in a way that’s strategic and thoughtful. Champions devote themselves to causes that matter and subscribe to the notion that the bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward.

According to Angela Lee Duckworth, the ability to tough it out and stay put is the closest indicator we have of success. The names we don’t hear about, the people who fail to make an impact, quit too early. They never made it to the intersection of do-or-don’t, or they never found the right problems to solve to begin with.

So, if you’re in a rut and feel like quitting, here are four points to consider before you make any decisions:

Remember when you started.
As a founder, there’s always something to be done. I don’t think I’ve had an empty “to-do list” in over three years. That’s why when I want to hop in a plane back to America, I take a second to recognize how far we’ve come. There was a point I was scrubbing floors and felt a constant film of construction dust on my teeth. Now, our little Learning House is a lively center with classes and students and seminars.

Think about the challenges you’ve overcome to get where you are today and be proud.

Why are you doing this?
We’re all human. God knows I’ve had moments I’ve had to talk myself out of bed and out the door. I’ve gone through weeks of daily internal debates: Am I effective? Should I keep going?

Sometimes, our original goal becomes a blurry dot on the horizon. For whatever reason — projects, donors, grants, social responsibilities — we’ve moved away from that original purpose that gave us meaning, the work that first brought us joy.

Can you remember your original spark? That first flash of inspiration, the smile of someone’s life changed? Ask yourself: the mission you’ve devoted yourself to, is it worth it? If the scale tips in favor, keep going.

Know it won’t always be easy.
When you can accept that grey days are part of the color spectrum, you can relax into rutty moments.
About one year ago, a South Bronx school principal found herself in the Oval office with President Obama. She asked, “When is the time you felt most broken?”

He described his 1999 Congress run. He lost. Bad. He felt old, ineffective, and his relationship with his wife was on the rocks.

“The thing that got me through that moment, and any other time that I’ve felt stuck, is to remind myself that it’s about the work. Because if you’re worrying about yourself — if you’re thinking: ‘Am I succeeding? Am I in the right position? Am I being appreciated?’ then you’re going to end up feeling frustrated and stuck.”
Focus on your work and what needs to be done.

Take a break.
We’re people, not machines. Create space to renew and energize, step away from obligations and responsibilities. Even though you’re a leader doesn’t mean you’re always strong! Watch a movie, go for a long walk, call a friend.
Social work can take an impact on your mental and emotional health. It can be helpful to connect with someone who can empathize with your struggles and keep you on track.

Then, chin up, shoulders back, stand tall. Keep going. The world needs you. We need you.

Unique opportunity: private coaching

In the past, I helped a few individuals polish their story, set doable goals and learn techniques to live a more colorful, energetic life. Then I went to Nepal and started a small learning center.

Space has –yes!– opened up in my schedule, and I’m able to take on one or two new coaching clients.

If you seem to have roadblocks you can’t get past or want to set some projects into motion, maybe I can help. I’ve worked with writers and entrepreneurs, seasoned business folk and career changers (you can read some recommendations here).

I use practical exercises to help you find what works best for YOU. This won’t work if you expect me to tell you what I think you should do. We’ll use Google chat and Viber to connect, and your emails will move to the top of my priority list so we can measure your progress and hold you accountable.

Because of the time and dedication I commit to the people I work with, I can only accept two new clients.

To apply, please click here.

If we’re a good match, I’ll send details about our work together and how we’ll get started.

More about me:

I’m a social worker who made the leap from government work into corporate branding before landing into the entrepreneurial world of startups and marketing. Relying on my experiences and the acumen of former clients and colleagues, I’m happy to share what I’ve learned:

  • business strategy and brand proposition
  • how to market and engage audiences
  • starting big projects and setting achievable goals

I love watching people succeed. Let’s accomplish some dreams together.