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Tag: connection

Is it possible to connect meaningfully online?

Yes. But it takes intention and effort.

The digital world requires a bit more finesse than in-person events. Many of us grew up in front of screens —- televisions, cinemas halls, Ninentedos, and Game Boys. These same screens paved the way for productivity tools, redefining our lives and the ways in which we schedule, communicate, and do business. Now, laptops and cellphones are within easy reach from sunup ‘til sundown.

However, “the way we do things” is once again evolving, and we have the choice to embrace or reject these changes. So whether you’re trying to organize a meeting, host a conference, teach a class, or build a relationship, there are four elements to consider when connecting from afar:

Participation 

Online activities work best when people engage. Think of the lecture hall in which a student hides in the back row. Now recall a class in which the teacher prompted students with questions and lively discussion. Which scenario fosters learning?

Though direct participation may not be required by a host or organizer, you are guaranteed to get more out of the experience by taking responsibility for yourself: Turn on your camera, type in the chat box, follow up with an email, do your own research on the topic at hand.

If you’re participating, look for ways to get active.

If you’re organizing, look for ways to engage others. 

Nothing will work unless you do.

Maya Angelou

Entertainment

If you’re responsible for planning an online seminar or teaching a virtual class, remember: We want to be entertained if we’re watching something. And if we’re watching something, we want to feel. That feeling might be surprise or intrigue, curiosity or delight, disgust or repulsion, but we must feel something to be interested.

A traditional lecture won’t cut it. 

Incorporate images, videos, sounds, and unexpected elements to spark engagement and hold interest. Themes and pop culture references can surprise and delight attendees; end your meeting with a song or insert a relevant story into your presentation.

Collaboration

The greatest gift of online activities: The ability to network and share. 

Exchange opinions, ask for resources, find ways to trade thoughts, and start online conversations with others. While you can stick to more traditional chat forums and send emails, you can also get creative: Write a turn-by-turn story with a friend, watch a movie separately before sharing opinions, create a music playlist together.

Collaboration can become a tremendous pool of inspiration and insight. With a bit of creativity, options are endless.

Some people look for a beautiful place. Others make a place beautiful.

Hazrat Inavat Khan

Expectations

As an organizer, intentionally decide upon the set outcomes of your online happenings. Then make a plan. Choose whether recurring events or one-off structures will best suit your goals. Schedule the meeting in advance, or jolt an eager audience with unannounced events.

Next, consider how you’ll present to participants. The way in which you communicate establishes rapport and sets clear boundaries, establishing a framework for what will take place. Audio-only arrangements create different spaces than those with video elements. Participatory tasks with light structure can be the right amount of encouragement participants need to stay interested.

Thoughtfulness guides the most worthwhile experiences and helps provide foundations for creativity to blossom.

Meaningful content is grounded in intention.

The power of friendship

“Sometimes I feel that society likes to trick us into thinking that we cannot, or have no interest in, getting along, working together, and standing in support of one another.”

Alexandra Elle

Relationships are important. Now more than ever before.

By encouraging those around us, we can set the bar even higher for ourselves.

Examples for inspiration

Ella Fitzgerald and Marilyn Monroe

At a show in Colorado, Marilyn Monroe saw Ella Fitzgerald turned away from the main entrance. She then refused to go inside until both were allowed through the front doors.

Shrinkhala Khatiwada and Maggie Doyne 

Nepal’s beauty queen advocate and CNN Hero recently collaborated to provide care and support for workers returning to Nepal.

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez 

“She’s encouraged me when I’ve had nothing to be encouraged about,” Selena Gomez has said about Taylor Swift. The songstresses have supported each other for over a decade.

Maitreyi Ramakrishnan and Mindy Kaling

“You famously auditioned with 15,000 other young women… What stuck out about you was there’s an authenticity about your performance… yours was just completely authentic,” Mindy Kaling gushed.

Basetsana Kumalo and Pearl Thusi

“She gave me my first laptop. Helped me bury my grandmother. Held my hand as I became a mother.” Pearl Thusi’s recognition of Basetsana Kumalo could make you cry.

Meryl Streep and Patricia Arquette

Patty Arquette wins an Oscar, uses her acceptance speech to talk about wage equality, Meryl Streep enthusiastically hollered support.

Ariana Grande and Lady Gaga

“i met a woman who knew pain the same way i did… who cried as much as i did, drank as much wine as i did, ate as much pasta as i did and who’s heart was bigger than her whole body. she immediately felt like a sister to me.” Ariana gushed for Lady Gaga.

Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King

Friends since 1976, this duo continues to defend and cheer each other on. “We have talked about everything and nothing,” says Gayle King. “I’ve been to five therapists…Nobody has been a better therapist than Oprah!”

Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus 

Since 2009, Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus have exchanged consistent praise.

Gloria Steinem and Marlo Thomas

The story of the first meeting between Gloria Steinem and Marlo Thomas is legendary, and their fierce friendship has remained powerful and strong ever since.

Helen Keller and Ann Sullivan

Helen Keller was 19 months old when she lost her eyesight and hearing. 20-year-old Ann Sullivan became her teacher. The rest is history.

Tracee Ellis Ross and Samira Nasr

“…she is not a shapeshifter, changing her point of view with the times, but has a clarity and continuity of vision built from life experience, impeccable taste, a hunger for knowledge, and a love of people,” says Tracee Ellis Ross of friend Samira Nasr.

Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert

From sports rivals to supportive allies, Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert built mutual admiration through sport and have shared commendable leadership, grace, and friendship.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

“Weirdly, I remember thinking, ‘My friend is here! My friend is here!’ Even though things had been going great for me at the show, with Amy there, I felt less alone.” Tina Fey’s friendship with Amy Poehler is one for the books.

Women in U.K. Parliament and Meghan Markle

“We share an understanding of the abuse and intimidation which is now so often used as a means of disparaging women from getting on with our very important work.” Women of U.K. Parliament issued a strong statement in support of Meghan Markle.

Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett

“She said, ‘Kid, if you ever need me for anything, give me a call.'” Lucille Ball helped Carol Burnett break into the industry.

Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton

These two powerhouses united to campaign for women’s rights, combining Stanton’s speech writing prowess and Anthony’s vocal platform.

Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox

The hashtag should suffice: #WomenSupportingWomen.

Eleanor Roosevelt and Pauli Murray

Eleanor Roosevelt and Pauli Murray exchanged hundreds of letters throughout their friendship, uniting over debate and civic cause. Roosevelt notably wrote about her “firebrand” friend in the Feb 1953 issue of Ebony, years before the Civil Rights Movement.

Pauli Murray: Eleanor Roosevelt’s Brilliant (Black, Feminist, Queer, Trailblazing) Friend

Beyonce and Michelle Obama

“Every time I see her, she inspires me, she empowers me, she encourages me,” says Beyonce of Michelle Obama.

Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts

The friendship between Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts spans ALMOST 40 YEARS. Talk about #goals.

Have examples of your own? Tweet me @redheadlefthand.

You can teach one thing. What is it?

This question is a favorite at dinners. My answer is always the same: Empathy.

“Empathic connection is an understanding of the heart in which we see the beauty in the other person, the divine energy in the other person, the life that’s alive in them.” —Marshall Rosenberg

What is empathy?

Now, more than ever, empathy is an essential teaching. Empathy is:

  • The capacity to consider another’s perspective
  • Learning about another’s worldview to better understand their behavior and intentions
  • Recognizing perspectives and experiences different from your own
  • Trying to minimize the distance between self and other
  • Choosing to “put yourself in their shoes”
  • A prelude to compassion
  • Essential for collaboration, understanding, effective discussions, and conflict resolution

It is our duty to find ways to listen, to converse, and to respond in ways that are respectful of the person sitting across from us. Trouble begins when we are unable to see us in them.

What do you need to practice empathy?

Empathy is NOT sympathy or pity.

We need empathy. We need it in our schools, our relationships, our governments, our businesses. The ability to connect reminds us of our shared humanity. Empathy requires:

  • Self awareness
  • Confidence
  • Openness
  • The ability to listen
  • Communication skills
  • Patience

When empathy is involved, relationships can flourish. Conversations become more meaningful, and solutions focus on what really matters.

Empathic intention influences those around us.

How can you bring empathy into your daily interactions?

Modified from original post Empathy 101.

Takeaways from two weeks of “Positive Talk”

14 people from around the world signed up to join me in a small experiment: For two weeks, I would commit to daily discussions focused on Good Things.

I spoke with Italians, Brits, folks in the United States, Sweden, and Nepal. On some days I had to talk myself up for the session; other days I looked forward to thirty minutes of positivity.

At the beginning of each call, I asked participants to rank themselves on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 for on-the-floor depression and 10 for something close to contagious joy). At the end of our call, I asked for another self-ranking. 12 out of the 14 participants reported an increase in positive feelings. The other two reported no change, having already reported high levels of feeling. I, too, found myself feeling better at the end of the calls.

But beyond feeling better, I felt seen. Those thirty minutes became a plug-in of support, encouragement, and connection. Many participants echoed battles with imposter syndrome — “Am I good enough, capable enough, strong enough, ready enough, productive enough, gentle enough, prepared enough?” Time management was another expressed hurdle, but it was rephrased as a goal that could be conquered.

And in all of these calls, it became clear that even when the world seems upside down, we have the ability to write our own narratives. We have the choice to fall into old, self-sabotaging coping strategies or tap into traits that can set us up for something greater. We can choose to see ourselves through a compassionate lens, or we can cling to memories that no longer apply. Our stories can become ones of curiosity and growth.

There’s no telling when or if things will return to “normal.” This experiment, however, reminded me there are many things still in our control. We can make time to connect, and we can train our minds to focus on creation, empathy, and compassion — for ourselves and for others. I’m thankful to all those who participated in this experiment with me.

Try for yourself: Set a calendar of participants (ask friends, family, and colleagues), keep a journal of notes, and record pre- and post- rankings for each call. Let me know how it goes.

Assigning meaning

Perspective keeps coming up in Positive Talk sessions. From media articles to family conversations, the meanings we assign to situations, reactions, and words can weigh significantly on our perception and interpretation of the world around us.

This is important for three reasons.

One, we get to choose how we want to interpret a given situation.

Two, we get to decide how important any situation will become.

Three, our choices dramatically impact the way we feel.

Now, more than ever, the definitions we use to understand ourselves, our communities, our cultures, and our world are open to interpretation. Though many of us are “stuck” physically, our minds are free to roam.

Perspective can be the flashlight needed to navigate uncertain, challenging circumstances.

It’s worth taking time to review your own assigned meanings. (And yes, it is possible to edit the meanings we have assigned to ourselves, to others, and to the ways in which we perceive what is happening around — and to — us.)

Each day, we make a series of decisions.

Decisions of worry or freedom. Creation or inaction. Calm or frenzy. Patience or frustration.

Take time to reconsider the meanings you assign.

2 weeks, 30-minute conversations, good things only

Every day for the next two weeks I am committing to one thirty-minute conversation focused only on Good Things.

Good Things include: Goals, ideas, projects, dreams, successes, accomplishments, moments that bring satisfaction and contentment, creation, acts of kindness.

Call it pro-bono coaching, but this is as much for me as it might be for you.

Interested? Sign up here.