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Follow your joy

2020 has been rough. What can help you forge ahead and start 2021 fresh? Notice your joy — and follow it.

Find places that bring smiles. Recognize moments that offer lightness and reprieve. Spend time with those who make you feel good.

If joy feels like a stretch right now, start with curiosity. Ask questions. Surprise a friend. Create magic for yourself. Say thank you.

Joy is waiting.

Become the student

As systems and communities continue to evolve and change, the need to learn and listen is paramount.

Where is the line between advocacy and appropriation, and how can you appreciate groups you’re not a part of?

Appreciation is grounded in honor and respect, a genuine curiosity for a group and its people. This rides on the wings of earnestness; a desire to explore and understand.

Appropriation, however, has personal gain buried into action. Attention-seeking behavior has the power to hurt and harm both individuals and groups. More often than not, a negative stereotype is reinforced.

The divide between cultural appreciation and appropriation is a delicate perimeter outlined by intention.

Failing to identify intention can turn any well-meaning action into a divisive mechanism. If your intention isn’t clear, chances are high that you may unintentionally play into harmful stereotypes.

Revisit the reasons behind what you’re doing and why — and who your behavior might reach. The more you understand yourself and the factors that contribute to the way in which you see the world, the better you’ll be at developing empathy and authentic respect. Once you’ve assessed the role of your actions and your relationship to the culture or group of people you’re interested in, set out to learn.

Bring curiosity and kindness into your interactions. Let others guide conversations. It’s important to remember that having an experience does not equal true understanding. Questions open doors. 

Genuine curiosity and kindness are roots from which appreciation and reverence can blossom. From intention, humility and respect grow.

What keeps you going? (4 ways to spark curiosity)

I’ve been asked what keeps me motivated. The question echoes when I pick up a book, stop at a piece of art, choose a film, or marvel at a friend’s project. What drives passion and fuels excitement? Curiosity.

What keeps you going?

I understand when life becomes disenchanting and hard, curiosity isn’t a natural tendency. The ability to become and remain curious is something like a well; a source that gives back with the right attention. Here are four ways you can spark your own curiosity:

Prepare yourself

Curiosity, like creativity, requires space and intention. You have to invite curiosity into your life. It starts with awareness and depends on your ability to observe not only the world around you, but yourself.

Get active

Curiosity requires participation. When you become curious, you no longer passively gaze at photographs or mindlessly consume shows. Curious individuals wonder. They wonder why certain topics are triggers and think of questions to ask creators.

Lose your pride

Curiosity demands that you set aside “expertness” and search for that which you do not know. You might feel silly or out of place, but your questions will direct you to new territories of understanding.

Aim for overexposure

Search for a variety of sources: Books, people, professionals, amateurs, stories, news, programs, Google, teachers, friends, art, songs, podcasts. The more sources you confront, the richer your experiences become.

How do you feed your curiosity? Tweet me @redheadlefthand.

Takeaways from two weeks of “Positive Talk”

14 people from around the world signed up to join me in a small experiment: For two weeks, I would commit to daily discussions focused on Good Things.

I spoke with Italians, Brits, folks in the United States, Sweden, and Nepal. On some days I had to talk myself up for the session; other days I looked forward to thirty minutes of positivity.

At the beginning of each call, I asked participants to rank themselves on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 for on-the-floor depression and 10 for something close to contagious joy). At the end of our call, I asked for another self-ranking. 12 out of the 14 participants reported an increase in positive feelings. The other two reported no change, having already reported high levels of feeling. I, too, found myself feeling better at the end of the calls.

But beyond feeling better, I felt seen. Those thirty minutes became a plug-in of support, encouragement, and connection. Many participants echoed battles with imposter syndrome“Am I good enough, capable enough, strong enough, ready enough, productive enough, gentle enough, prepared enough?” Time management was another expressed hurdle, but it was rephrased as a goal that could be conquered.

And in all of these calls, it became clear that even when the world seems upside down, we have the ability to write our own narratives. We have the choice to fall into old, self-sabotaging coping strategies or tap into traits that can set us up for something greater. We can choose to see ourselves through a compassionate lens, or we can cling to memories that no longer apply. Our stories can become ones of curiosity and growth.

There’s no telling when or if things will return to “normal.” This experiment, however, reminded me there are many things still in our control. We can make time to connect, and we can train our minds to focus on creation, empathy, and compassion — for ourselves and for others. I’m thankful to all those who participated in this experiment with me.

Try for yourself: Set a calendar of participants (ask friends, family, and colleagues), keep a journal of notes, and record pre- and post- rankings for each call. Let me know how it goes.

What brings people together?

The x-factor, hormones, shared experiences, common struggles, learned skills, common hobbies, unique endeavors, a certain look…

Both online and off, what is that magnetic pull that creates curiosity from one person to another? What’s that secret sauce that drives some people to test limits, push boundaries, and draw their own road maps to living?

Think of personal trainers. There are trainers, the ones that tell you what to do and what exercise is next, maybe will even count the number of times you perform an exercise. But then there are trainers, the types of people you want to pay just to be around them. Trainers who keep you returning, when, after the initial lure of physical fitness has ended, you want to continue to grow and learn and be in their company. Something inside of you wants to make them proud.

There’s the shop owner. His store is an extra walk or a longer drive, but because of his smile, the way he completes your transaction, the way he waves at you when you leave, you take extra time out of your day to visit him. You want to support his business. You want to watch him succeed.

A contagious laugh. A beaming smile. Inspiring stories that have no end. Challenges that have been overcome.

What defines the type of person you like to be around?

In a world in which our lives grow increasingly intertwined, the time and space for us to cultivate meaningful personal relationships has become encroached upon. Superficial connections are quickly, easily made, so authentic relationships — ones that are valuable and mutually shared — have become scare.

How can we find and establish them if we’re chained to the immediate fix? Email alerts, the need to be in the know, the reward centers of our brains that light up by positive feedback, sudden jolts of praise that mask our insecurities.

Yet these insecurities, the precise vulnerabilities that make us human, make us appealing to others, we mask. Whether it’s fear or loneliness or the need for protection, we create boundaries to hide them. And we do it well. These boundaries manifest online, affect our daily interactions, and prohibit us from taking that extra step, form new connections, generate new ideas.

Do you create incubators within your life for connection? Do you seek out people who are successful? Or do you passively wait for them to come to you?