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7 steps to better questions

Better questions deepen relationships, build trust, and increase confidence. With intention and practice, your questions can become tools that strengthen your business and enhance personal relationships. Here are seven ways you can start:

1. Begin with an informed approach.

Before asking any questions, do your research. Learn more about the company, read up on the open position, see what you can find about the person you are interviewing. The best questions are grounded in knowledge. When you understand more about the person you’re speaking with, you can shape questions to be more engaging, thought-provoking, and relevant.

2. Get curious.

The best questions come from a genuine place of curiosity. Asking questions with sincere interest provides the platform for questions to serve as welcome invitations, not invasive challenges. Remember: Curiosity fosters excitement, and excitement is contagious. Your interest conveys positive intention.

3. Mirror spoken and unspoken language.

Notice the language used by the person you’re speaking with. Are they communicating in a formal tone or comfortable with casual phrases? How about their body language; are their hands folded in their lap or are their arms crossed over their chest? Just as you can mirror someone’s body language, you can also copy their speech. Observe patterns in pitch, vocabulary, and physical posture. You don’t need to imitate someone, but reflecting their physical and verbal communication styles can establish rapport and create a sense of familiarity.

4. Lead with empathy.

While asking questions, seek to understand that person’s worldview. What contributes to the way they see the world? How do they interpret events around them? Maintaining eye contact, using appropriate physical markers (nodding, facing your body towards the person you’re speaking to, and uncrossing your arms), and asking clarifying questions are ways to display empathy. Respect encourages openness and honesty.

5. Stay present.

If a difficult topic or answer arises, remain focused and grounded on the present moment. Do your best to avoid unnecessary distractions from your phone and the environment around you. If you’re struggling to hear the other person, make adjustments, and if the circumstance is too distracting, kindly ask to schedule another time to meet.

6. Open a door.

Open questions usher meaningful conversations. A question that can be answered by a “Yes” or “No” or a simple phrase won’t invite reflection or engagement. While open questions may be more challenging to ask (you’ll have to think carefully), these kinds of questions are more valuable for relationship-building. Here are a few examples of open and closed questions:

Closed: Did you have a good day?

Open: What was the best part of your day?

Closed: Did you like that product?

Open: Which feature was most valuable for you?

Closed: Do you like to travel?

Open: What’s your favorite travel memory?

Closed: Are you happy with our meeting?

Open: How are you feeling after our meeting?

The point of a good question is to open doors for conversation to take place.

7. Listen with intention.

After you ask a question, pay attention. Listening carefully after you’ve asked a question shows willingness to understand and learn. Instead of viewing silence as a rebuff, reframe it as a breath: You’re opening the bottle and giving ideas room to expand. Pause provides space for reflection and thought. Let the person fully explore your question and their answer.

How do you ask questions? Tell me on twitter @redheadlefthand.

The conversations you have

The conversations you have directly influence your reality.

Want a more positive outlook? Be intentional with your words.

Working a passion project? Talk about what you create.

Looking to spark change in your community? Listen to stories.

Want to make introductions more meaningful? Ask better questions.

Delaying projects that matter? Announce your goals to people who care.

The power of friendship

“Sometimes I feel that society likes to trick us into thinking that we cannot, or have no interest in, getting along, working together, and standing in support of one another.”

Alexandra Elle

Relationships are important. Now more than ever before.

By encouraging those around us, we can set the bar even higher for ourselves.

Examples for inspiration

Ella Fitzgerald and Marilyn Monroe

At a show in Colorado, Marilyn Monroe saw Ella Fitzgerald turned away from the main entrance. She then refused to go inside until both were allowed through the front doors.

Shrinkhala Khatiwada and Maggie Doyne 

Nepal’s beauty queen advocate and CNN Hero recently collaborated to provide care and support for workers returning to Nepal.

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez 

“She’s encouraged me when I’ve had nothing to be encouraged about,” Selena Gomez has said about Taylor Swift. The songstresses have supported each other for over a decade.

Maitreyi Ramakrishnan and Mindy Kaling

“You famously auditioned with 15,000 other young women… What stuck out about you was there’s an authenticity about your performance… yours was just completely authentic,” Mindy Kaling gushed.

Basetsana Kumalo and Pearl Thusi

“She gave me my first laptop. Helped me bury my grandmother. Held my hand as I became a mother.” Pearl Thusi’s recognition of Basetsana Kumalo could make you cry.

Meryl Streep and Patricia Arquette

Patty Arquette wins an Oscar, uses her acceptance speech to talk about wage equality, Meryl Streep enthusiastically hollered support.

Ariana Grande and Lady Gaga

“i met a woman who knew pain the same way i did… who cried as much as i did, drank as much wine as i did, ate as much pasta as i did and who’s heart was bigger than her whole body. she immediately felt like a sister to me.” Ariana gushed for Lady Gaga.

Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King

Friends since 1976, this duo continues to defend and cheer each other on. “We have talked about everything and nothing,” says Gayle King. “I’ve been to five therapists…Nobody has been a better therapist than Oprah!”

Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus 

Since 2009, Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus have exchanged consistent praise.

Gloria Steinem and Marlo Thomas

The story of the first meeting between Gloria Steinem and Marlo Thomas is legendary, and their fierce friendship has remained powerful and strong ever since.

Helen Keller and Ann Sullivan

Helen Keller was 19 months old when she lost her eyesight and hearing. 20-year-old Ann Sullivan became her teacher. The rest is history.

Tracee Ellis Ross and Samira Nasr

“…she is not a shapeshifter, changing her point of view with the times, but has a clarity and continuity of vision built from life experience, impeccable taste, a hunger for knowledge, and a love of people,” says Tracee Ellis Ross of friend Samira Nasr.

Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert

From sports rivals to supportive allies, Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert built mutual admiration through sport and have shared commendable leadership, grace, and friendship.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

“Weirdly, I remember thinking, ‘My friend is here! My friend is here!’ Even though things had been going great for me at the show, with Amy there, I felt less alone.” Tina Fey’s friendship with Amy Poehler is one for the books.

Women in U.K. Parliament and Meghan Markle

“We share an understanding of the abuse and intimidation which is now so often used as a means of disparaging women from getting on with our very important work.” Women of U.K. Parliament issued a strong statement in support of Meghan Markle.

Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett

“She said, ‘Kid, if you ever need me for anything, give me a call.'” Lucille Ball helped Carol Burnett break into the industry.

Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton

These two powerhouses united to campaign for women’s rights, combining Stanton’s speech writing prowess and Anthony’s vocal platform.

Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox

The hashtag should suffice: #WomenSupportingWomen.

Eleanor Roosevelt and Pauli Murray

Eleanor Roosevelt and Pauli Murray exchanged hundreds of letters throughout their friendship, uniting over debate and civic cause. Roosevelt notably wrote about her “firebrand” friend in the Feb 1953 issue of Ebony, years before the Civil Rights Movement.

Beyonce and Michelle Obama

“Every time I see her, she inspires me, she empowers me, she encourages me,” says Beyonce of Michelle Obama.

Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts

The friendship between Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts spans ALMOST 40 YEARS. Talk about #goals.

Have examples of your own? Tweet me @redheadlefthand.

Assigning meaning

Perspective keeps coming up in Positive Talk sessions. From media articles to family conversations, the meanings we assign to situations, reactions, and words can weigh significantly on our perception and interpretation of the world around us.

This is important for three reasons.

One, we get to choose how we want to interpret a given situation.

Two, we get to decide how important any situation will become.

Three, our choices dramatically impact the way we feel.

Now, more than ever, the definitions we use to understand ourselves, our communities, our cultures, and our world are open to interpretation. Though many of us are “stuck” physically, our minds are free to roam.

Perspective can be the flashlight needed to navigate uncertain, challenging circumstances.

It’s worth taking time to review your own assigned meanings. (And yes, it is possible to edit the meanings we have assigned to ourselves, to others, and to the ways in which we perceive what is happening around — and to — us.)

Each day, we make a series of decisions.

Decisions of worry or freedom. Creation or inaction. Calm or frenzy. Patience or frustration.

Take time to reconsider the meanings you assign.

If dinner conversations can change the world

Social media is abuzz with prevailing issues. How to provide platforms for underrepresented voices. How to protect those speaking out against injustice. How to tip scales and create balanced systems of power.

Maybe it’s overwhelming to expect or look for answers. Maybe the best we can do is focus on finding solutions through awareness. From awareness comes discussion.

If people aren’t encouraged to tell their stories for fear of retribution or alienation or ostracism, how can we fight for change? If derogatory names are spat freely, if media remains unmonitored and unchecked, how will anyone find the people they need — those to assemble, those who create, those who listen.

One day, legislative change. For today, maybe it starts with a conversation at dinner.