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Tag: confidence

The unusual gift of fear

If you feel afraid, there’s a good chance something big is about to happen. You have a choice: run away or step towards it.

With fear resting on one side of the scale, desire to change sits on the other. Either you desperately want something different or a situation has become so unpleasant it leaves no other possible choice. If you let fear win, you may find yourself in the same position next year, or even five years down the line.

Fear forces you to prepare and plan, to collect information, and to consider possible outcomes. But giving too much power to fear welcomes anxiety, lets the mind to travel to far too distant places, and distorts your perspective. From an evolutionary perspective, fear triggers fight or flight. Your heart rate quickens, breathing becomes shallow, and your vision narrows. Unknown situations and unfamiliar circumstances trigger the responses our ancestors once had at the hiss of a snake or bear or enemy.

Each time you embrace fear, you become stronger. The spaces fear once lingered become smaller, and in time, you’ll have so much light that only a small shadow is cast. The next time fear creeps into shadowy places, you’ll know how to cope.

Recognize fear for what it is. Write down all of the possible situations that might occur — the mistakes you’re afraid of, the “maybes” that might happen, the potential disasters (yes, even the ludicrous ones), your fears of success.

Then get ready to act. Committing to a decision will increase your confidence, and fear will be the one that begins to tremble.

Breathe deep and go.

Stay in the mud

We try to get out of uncomfortable moments fast — moments when we feel like frauds and failures and disappointments. But these moments are teachers, there to help you ask questions and sort through your most difficult, persisting views about yourself and the way the world works.

It’s tempting to race past boredom, to distract yourself from insecurities, to run from uncertainty.

Try to sit with those moments when you don’t know all the answers. Sit quietly and listen softly. The answers will come.

The long or short game

It is tempting to choose the fast, easy route. Everyone wants to win big, and they want to win quickly. But those who work steadily, slowly, piece by piece build solid foundations. When market fluctuations and economies are unpredictable, daily decisions add up to create something that matters in the long term.

Ignore those who fail to see the long game, those who try to push you into playing short. The best fruit is not always on the bottom of the tree.

Play long.

Ask yourself tough questions daily

The questions you ask yourself dictate your experiences. Often the most uncomfortable questions are the ones you most need to answer, and the issues that cause some emotional reaction are the ones you need to consider. Shying away from tough subjects creates boundaries between you and life’s rich complexities.

Am I where I want to be? Am I who I want to be?
Are my closest relationships fulfilling and supportive?
When I wake up in the mornings, am I excited to start the day?
Do I pause to appreciate what is good in my life?
How have I changed over the past year? Am I heading in a direction I am proud of?
Are my decisions fully representative of me, my values, and my goals?
What do I worry most about?
What am I most proud of?
Who has helped me get where I am today?

Find time to answer; your answers could change your tomorrow.

When you’ve been hurt

Your heart is broken. Maybe for the first time, maybe for the fifth. You have two choices now.

You can allow pain and anger to seep through your being and go about shielding yourself from any scenario that might cause these feelings again. This will undoubtedly result in limited encounters with the world, stifled relationships, and a blunted emotional experience.

OR

You can look for the lessons. You can dive into the pain and see if you can find greater understanding, more peace, more authenticity, and more focus than ever before. Instead of running, you can sit with the experience and breathe into it, knowing that eventually, slowly, it will pass. That in time small ripples of joy will wash healing currents through your life.

Past failures and disappointments only dictate your future if you let them. Seek out daily moments of magic and wonder. Flashes of lightening in a night sky. The impish smirk of a young child. The rustle of leaves at dusk. Kindness between strangers.

This is how you go on.

Your time directs your focus

The way in which you spend your time narrows your focus. What you think about, the choices you make, the schedule you follow — all of these daily decisions add up to who you are today.
Have you asked yourself who you’d like to be?
It is worth finding quiet space and taking time to answer this question honestly and searchingly. The answer might require some hard moves, perhaps major adjustments, but you owe it to yourself to ask: Is the path I am on the right one for me?
Your life depends on it, and the world benefits when you are your truest self.