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Category: Questions

Tips for mindful giving

The holiday season brings wonderful reminders that it is often better to give than to receive. Whether volunteering at a local organization, donating goods, or writing checks to support specific projects, giving feels good.

Maximize your resources while looking for ways to contribute meaningfully within your communities. Small organizations can be overwhelmed this time of year, so ask a few questions to find out how you can best be of service.

What causes are important to me?

With so many fundraisers and worthy social groups, it can be difficult to know where to give. Consider your personal values and the issues you are most passionate about. You may know someone working closely with an organization or can receive referrals from friends.

Who can I connect?

One of the best ways you can support an organization is through your network. Look for ways to draw parallels between your colleagues and the goals of a particular organization. Valuable introductions are like gold.

What work is needed?

Small organizations often need help with administrative tasks — website design, donor management, marketing materials. On the ground opportunities may provide more Instagram-worthy photo ops, but helping staff inside the office may be more valuable to the team.

What goals can I support?

Most organizations have short-term and long-term visions and may need help with a project you’re not fully aware of. Don’t be afraid to ask what objectives you can encourage, regardless of whether results are immediate.

Your thoughtfulness is valuable and so very needed!

Two factors to measure success

How do you measure your success, is is the numbers in your bank account, your title at the firm, the number of clients you land in a month? In this moment, do you consider yourself a failure? Or would you describe yourself as a success?

I have written about how we define and measure success and have asked monks and entrepreneurs and academics what they think. So much of our unhappiness stems from comparison and self-worth — I don’t have a house like she does, look at the wife he has, she was promoted so quickly, he’s making six-figures and I’m stuck at five.

It is easier to see the missing pieces. Thoughts about what we do not posses overtake contemplations about what we do. It takes concentration to remember the places from which you came, the lessons learned along the way, the growth that took years and months to master. Ignore the numbers, as Howard Schultz (Starbucks) realized. Happiness is a fluctuating bar.

I’d like to propose a new method of measuring success. Two factors, actually:

1.) Progress.
2.) Satisfaction.

Progress can be measured by revisiting your starting point. Have you moved forward? Has your company/relationship/personal trait improved by some degree?

Satisfaction is felt and requires some honesty on your part. Do you have a sense of accomplishment or reward at the end of the day? Can you look in the mirror with contentment? With pride?

Progress and/or satisfaction.

If you can claim one of these two characteristics, you are a success. If you have both progress AND satisfaction, you are in an excellent position. Keep going.

Are you making a difference to one person?
Are you doing work honestly and with passion?
Are you focused on integrity and vision?
Are you pleased with your efforts?
Are you able to show up day in and day out?

The root of unhappiness lies in your definition of success. It’s worth revisiting what and who you think is successful and why. Maybe you are, too.

Ask yourself tough questions daily

The questions you ask yourself dictate your experiences. Often the most uncomfortable questions are the ones you most need to answer, and the issues that cause some emotional reaction are the ones you need to consider. Shying away from tough subjects creates boundaries between you and life’s rich complexities.

Am I where I want to be? Am I who I want to be?
Are my closest relationships fulfilling and supportive?
When I wake up in the mornings, am I excited to start the day?
Do I pause to appreciate what is good in my life?
How have I changed over the past year? Am I heading in a direction I am proud of?
Are my decisions fully representative of me, my values, and my goals?
What do I worry most about?
What am I most proud of?
Who has helped me get where I am today?

Find time to answer; your answers could change your tomorrow.

The danger of waiting for miracles

What if the miracle never happens?

What if while you’re waiting, something better comes along but you miss it because you’re too focused on waiting for the first miracle to happen?

What if instead of waiting for the miracle, you took concrete steps towards making a dream come true?

What if the miracle isn’t what you need in the first place?

If you are counting on a miracle for your plan to work, chances are you should focus your energy elsewhere.

13 conversation starters to get past small talk

Sometimes you find yourself in a situation where you want to connect with a stranger and aren’t sure what to say. Asking about the weather and work only goes so far when you find yourself at a dinner table with distant friends-of-friends. Or maybe you’re at a wedding reception and have exhausted the usual pleasantries. Memorize a few of these questions for the next time you’re wanting to move past small talk and learn more about the person next to you.

1. What would you do if you were late for a very important meeting?

2. What would you do if you didn’t have enough money to pay the bills?

3. If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be?

4. If you had the power to alter a major historical event, what would it be?

5. Say someone asks a question you don’t want to answer. How do you respond?

6. Describe an interesting neighbor you’ve had.

7. Describe someone you respect and admire deeply.

8. Describe a place you’ll never forget.

9. Tell about a recent interview.

10. What’s one of your best childhood memories?

11. Have you ever lied to your parents, boss, or a teacher?

12. Have you ever been treated unfairly?

13. What is your opinion about fortune telling?

Can questions foster closeness?

I believe they do.

This is why all of Project Exponential’s signature dinners use questions to bring attendees together.

It’s scary to reveal parts of ourselves to others, but in order to nuture relationships and develop closeness in both personal and professional networks, we must establish rapport, build trust and pave the way for future communication.

The questions listed in a recent NY Times article parallel some of the questions our attendees face at monthly dinners. The article groups queries in levels of vulnerability, with the first set serving up light appetizers (“When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”) and leading up to the heavy fourth course (“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?”).

Print out the list and ask your partner questions over tonight’s dinner. Let me know how it goes.