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Category: Challenge

What do you want more than anything?

Grit. Determination. Focus. Passion. Stubbornness. Courage. Diligence. Patience.

Your biggest dreams will require all of these and more. You will wonder whether your sacrifices are “worth it.” You will question your decisions and make mistakes. You will disappoint others. You will disappoint yourself. Your resolve will be tested, over and over again.

But if you really, truly want something? Nothing will stop you.

Check out Diana Nyad’s story if you’re needing some inspiration today.

One week of consistency (a challenge)

What are the habits that define you? What are the actions that you take every day, no matter what? What are your “non-negotiables,” aspects of your day that you refuse to compromise, day in and day out?

Now…what do you want to change?

In one week, I challenge you to bring more awareness to your daily routine and incorporate a new element that supports your health and wellbeing. (What exactly that “new element” is, I’ll leave up to you.)

Day 1. Record your day. Observe your habits, places you unknowingly spend time. Certain rituals may occupy your days. Don’t judge, simply note your routine in a journal.

Day 2. Add something new. Drink hot water with lemon and honey first thing in the morning. Commit to a twenty-minute online yoga video. Go for a walk when you return home in the evening. Notice how this addition makes you feel.

Day 3. Repeat the same deliberate action you performed yesterday and aim to repeat it for the next four days.

Day 4. Reward yourself for your new commitment and treat yourself to something “out of the ordinary,” something that feels good. Dawdle over your morning coffee. Settle into a cozy café with a newspaper. Stop for a scoop of ice cream after work.

Day 5. Encourage someone else. Now that you are slowly filling your own cup, it is easier to support others. Say a positive word or publicly recognize a colleague’s work ethic. Notice how it feels to give.

Day 6. You may be tempted to “skip” whatever habit you committed to. Don’t. Write down any resistance you might have, note any obstacles that seem to get in the way of your own self-care: negative thinking, hectic scheduling, boredom, apathy. Keep going.

Day 7. Small actions create a ripple effect. Consistency builds over time and slowly, more discipline, more thoughtfulness, and more ease will come into your life. Decide what you want to invite in. Continue your “new element,” or try something else for the next seven days.

Asking is an exercise in humility

Asking for help isn’t easy. Asking for money, for guidance, for a ride, for a raise. When we ask for something, we’re admitting there’s a gap, something we don’t have.  “Hey, I don’t have this thing that I really need. Do you?” We lack resources or knowledge or ability, but the person on the receiving end of the question has it. This dynamic can make us feel vulnerable and weak.

Needing help doesn’t indicate flaws. In fact, asking for help can be a sign of strength and growth. Asking is a characteristic of true leaders and gives others the opportunity to shine.

The next time that voice of fear rises when you need help, pause. Recognize you’re on the edge of change and savor the chance to share your work with others.

I just asked for help here. Yes, it was scary! I hate writing asking emails. But the supportive responses I’ve received and the messages of care that have filled my inbox are like cool glasses of iced tea on a hot summer day. People WANT to help. Your friends want to see you succeed, I promise. Give them the opportunity.

Not all artists paint

You are an artist.

Maybe you don’t own paints and haven’t touched a paintbrush in years. Maybe you’ve never thought of yourself as creative, and you couldn’t draw a house to save your life. Pictionary is your most hated board game.

But every day you create. You build.

Or you destroy.

You have the choice to hone this superpower. Or you can continue to ignore it.

You can do work artfully or simply go through the motions. You can bring magic and intrigue to tonight’s dinner table, or you can set the plates down and eat as you always have, without special care or thought.

You can head to work knowing you bring with you a perspective that is entirely yours, uniquely mixed with your life experiences, and blended with your lessons and failures and successes. You have the ability to contribute something remarkable to your team.

Art doesn’t need to involve colors. It can be generous and risky with nothing to do with an art gallery.

You owe it to yourself remind yourself of a time you enjoyed art. When you enjoyed building trees out of popsicle sticks or creating rocket ships from marshmallows. When you listened to something beautiful. When you wrote a letter that made someone cry. When you sang with your friends and used a cardboard box as drums.

Trick yourself into believing you’re creative. Then see what kind of day you have — as an artist.

“You’re not married?”

“Not married! You don’t want kids?” I often receive questions regarding my relationship status. My answer, it seems, disappoints/confuses many, as if some defect on my part has rendered me less valuable or ambitious.

A little under three years ago, I came to a developing country, alone, where I have volunteered as a social worker and teacher. I established an education center, built a solar grid and fundraised to bring clothes, scholarships and learning adventures to friends in need. Before arriving in Nepal, I qualified for Boston the first time I ran the NYC Marathon. I counsel students, entrepreneurs and notable personalities. I’ve traveled to over twenty countries, finished my Master’s at Columbia University, completed an original research project and graduated with honors from CU Boulder. I have started pro-social groups for adolescent delinquents and have a baby named after me. I’ve organized events that have brought people together from different disciplines and have maintained a weekly blog since 2012. My writing has been published in journals and online. I’ve listened to stories of immigrants and middle class families struggling to pay bills. I’m working on a book. Yet the question isn’t about what I’ve done or plan to do, it’s who and when I will marry.

This is a question I receive in all parts of the world, developed and less so. My single male friends, also in their 30s, seem to evade this inquiry. Instead, they are asked other success indicators: work, house, salary, dog. Isn’t it time we see each other for who we are instead of expectations we carry?

Isn’t it time to have conversations based upon the individual, without of assumptions of race or age or gender or income? Isn’t it time we listen for what drives another’s actions to hear what fuels their beliefs, their convictions, their dreams?

If we could listen more and judge less, our world would move closer towards that tolerant, respectful place we all deserve.

“What is your greatest accomplishment?” serves a much better bridge for meaningful conversation.

12 questions to get past small talk and find out what really matters at networking events

Gone are the days where weather, food and family are the only acceptable topics of discussion at networking events. People yearn for connection and crave something that makes them feel alive.

The people who attract strangers at a party lure with conversations of quality, not quantity. These individuals are passionate, focused and giving, and speaking to them can challenge and inspire you to become your best self.

(You, too, can become one of these people!)

Consider the following questions for your next social engagement:

1. What inspires you?
2. What one problem do you presently wish you could solve?
3. If you were given 1 million dollars, what would you do with it?
4. What’s your favorite aspect of your work?
5. What does your perfect day look like?
6. What would “your book” be about?
7. What do you wish you would have learned in school (but didn’t)?
8. What are you afraid of?
9. What’s the most difficult part of your work?
10. What has been the most valuable introduction you’ve received?
11. Where are you stuck?
12. How can I help?

Click here to read 12 questions to turn small talk into real talk, originally posted on May 7, 2013.