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Tag: confidence

“It’s not my job.”

Taking responsibility inevitably sets you up, while watching from the sidelines gives you that head start should an anvil hit. There’s always the option to run.
When you step in to do a little more and claim ownership (no matter how small), the work becomes personal. This is where thoughtful decisions are made and jobs are performed with integrity.
“It’s not my job” is too big of a shortcut to take, especially if you’re hoping to get someplace else. Whether you’re looking for a raise, a promotion, a better position or a more flexible company, venture beyond the lines of your job description and look for ways to help your team succeed.
It might not be your job, but it’s definitely your reputation. How safe do you want to play?

One shot

When you only have one chance, it matters. Your heart races, your mind scans all the outcomes — what if I fail? what if I make a mistake? what if I lose? what if I win? — and you do your best not to blow it.
Faced with twenty shots, however, you start to relax. Your breathing levels out as there isn’t as much pressure to perform. You savor the experience knowing there’s another chance. If you do screw up, it doesn’t matter. You have another shot.
Seth Godin wisely points out that with the internet, we’ve been granted not only with twenty but an unlimited number of shots. Whether buying, selling, researching, writing, connecting or dating, we have choices and options unfurling miles in front of us. We don’t have to be so afraid anymore. Just step up and take another shot.

The value of meeting new people (offline)

Hectic schedules and limited time pushes “meeting new people” down priority lists. But new people can add spark to your life. From work strategies to personal motivation, even brief encounters can leave a lifetime mark. A meaningful conversation can inspire you to try something new, do better work, become a more thoughtful person, or keep going down the right path.

Online we’re exposed to new tactics and images, but face-to-face encounters are more likely to contribute to trust and long-term relationships. These connections help businesses thrive. While it’s easy to forget a screen name, personal interactions build experiences that help tell stories. And in a world where storytelling and marketing drive results, representing your “personal brand” is key.

Meeting new people may also reveal unknown parts of yourself, creating self-awareness of your own expertise and highlighting areas that still need work. There are health benefits, too: improved cognitive function, physical health and creative power.

Our next dinner event is scheduled for May 31 in NYC. Send an email to info@projectexponential.com with details about your current projects if you’re interested in attending. Our dinners match those with complementary interests and skills, and space is limited to preserve intimacy and quality.

13 lessons to be learned from expats

  1. It’s OK to not understand everything that is happening around you all of the time.
  2. True friends will keep in touch.
  3. Don’t compare your life, your successes, your failures or your progress with anyone else.
  4. Take time to connect with the people around you. See them for who they really are.
  5. Never stop learning.
  6. Use social media sparingly.
  7. Drink alcohol in moderation.
  8. Build community. Seek out and find those who bring out your very best self.
  9. If you don’t know the answer, don’t be afraid to ask.
  10. It’s always helpful to research and gather information before making big decisions. In the end, however, let intuition guide you.
  11. Spend time getting to know yourself so you can acknowledge your weaknesses and strong points.
  12. Set goals that both challenge and inspire you.
  13. Write. Make time to dream, to reflect, to observe and to record. Situations are constantly changing, and your perspectives will shift as well. Writing your thoughts down can help you stay on track and grow.

Post modified from this Medium article, posted July 15, 2015.

“You’re not married?”

“Not married! You don’t want kids?” I often receive questions regarding my relationship status. My answer, it seems, disappoints/confuses many, as if some defect on my part has rendered me less valuable or ambitious.

A little under three years ago, I came to a developing country, alone, where I have volunteered as a social worker and teacher. I established an education center, built a solar grid and fundraised to bring clothes, scholarships and learning adventures to friends in need. Before arriving in Nepal, I qualified for Boston the first time I ran the NYC Marathon. I counsel students, entrepreneurs and notable personalities. I’ve traveled to over twenty countries, finished my Master’s at Columbia University, completed an original research project and graduated with honors from CU Boulder. I have started pro-social groups for adolescent delinquents and have a baby named after me. I’ve organized events that have brought people together from different disciplines and have maintained a weekly blog since 2012. My writing has been published in journals and online. I’ve listened to stories of immigrants and middle class families struggling to pay bills. I’m working on a book. Yet the question isn’t about what I’ve done or plan to do, it’s who and when I will marry.

This is a question I receive in all parts of the world, developed and less so. My single male friends, also in their 30s, seem to evade this inquiry. Instead, they are asked other success indicators: work, house, salary, dog. Isn’t it time we see each other for who we are instead of expectations we carry?

Isn’t it time to have conversations based upon the individual, without of assumptions of race or age or gender or income? Isn’t it time we listen for what drives another’s actions to hear what fuels their beliefs, their convictions, their dreams?

If we could listen more and judge less, our world would move closer towards that tolerant, respectful place we all deserve.

“What is your greatest accomplishment?” serves a much better bridge for meaningful conversation.

Can questions foster closeness?

I believe they do.

This is why all of Project Exponential’s signature dinners use questions to bring attendees together.

It’s scary to reveal parts of ourselves to others, but in order to nuture relationships and develop closeness in both personal and professional networks, we must establish rapport, build trust and pave the way for future communication.

The questions listed in a recent NY Times article parallel some of the questions our attendees face at monthly dinners. The article groups queries in levels of vulnerability, with the first set serving up light appetizers (“When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”) and leading up to the heavy fourth course (“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?”).

Print out the list and ask your partner questions over tonight’s dinner. Let me know how it goes.