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Author: Nick Gaswirth

How to build confidence

Confidence can be a deal breaker. Take two individuals, one with above-average talent and little confidence and the other with little talent and above-average confidence, and the confident person will most likely come out ahead. The difference between the two is that the confident person has practiced.

Very few people are born confident; confidence stems from an individual’s ability to place themselves in new and uncomfortable experiences while simultaneously managing anxiety and stress. Everyone has a critical voice, yet confident people have learned how to quiet that voice, or at the very least, push through moments of doubt and uncertainty.

The good news for those who don’t feel up to par in the confidence department? Confidence is a muscle. It can be worked and strengthened and developed over time. Here are 6 tips to get started.

1. Imagine a confident person.

Who do you know who exudes confidence? Someone who connects easily with others and the world around them. What would they do if they were placed in your same situation?

Pretend you are that person, even just for a moment.

2. Become your own cheerleader.

Write affirmations on sticky notes and place them throughout your house, in your kitchen, in your car. Set calendar reminders with motivational quotes. Listen to uplifting music. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and build an atmosphere that encourages creativity and hope.

3. Scare yourself. 

Intentionally place yourself in uncomfortable or new situations. Regularly. Whether you’re afraid of rejection or failing or being laughed at, push yourself into challenging territories. Each time you successfully navigate a new experience, your belief in yourself and your abilities will increase.

4. Make a “Did-It” list.

Instead of listing all of the things you need to do, take time to reflect on what you have accomplished. Even if you have fallen short on your goals, congratulate yourself for trying. It can be helpful to write lists of past accomplishments. Take stock of what you’re proud of and remind yourself of your capabilities.

5. Practice care.

Take care of yourself: Body, mind, and spirit. Eat foods rich in nutrients. Move, walk, run, lift things. Meditate or practice yoga. Dress in clothes that make you feel good. And take care of others. Volunteer. Teach a class. Caring for your self and others improves self-efficacy, your belief in yourself and your ability to create change.

6. Learn to say no.

Say no to people who aren’t good for you. Say no to obligations that suck your time. Say no to habits that aren’t helping you reach your goals. Say no to negative thoughts.

Remember that you are valuable. You deserve the best. You are worthy.

What are your confidence-boosting tips? Tweet me to share your secrets.

Unhappy? Change one thing.

Unhappiness and discontentment feed off each other. When one thing goes wrong, it is easy to focus on all that is negative. One issue then consumes your energy and colors your entire life. It’s a spiral that winds downward, and quickly, if you’re not careful.

Feeling miserable? Find one thing you can change. Just one thing. Drink lemon water in the morning. Take a group fitness class. Carve out time to take a long walk. Set up a coffee date with a friend. Plan a vacation. Download a new podcast.

By shifting your attention, you’ll begin to redirect your focus towards experiences you look forward to. Feelings of excitement will gradually overpower those negative ones.

Of course life doesn’t always go your way, but by choosing to chase the positive, you’ll be closer to living a life you don’t want to escape from.

In defense of certificates

Certificates, medals, awards, recognition dinners. Necessary? Perhaps not. Here in Nepal, I can get a certificate for donating blood, for giving money, for simply showing up at an event.

A piece of paper is not always meaningful. I could argue that the rate in which certificates are doled out lessens their value. But public appreciation makes everyone feel good. And when people feel good, they do their best.

No, gifts and tokens aren’t essential. But praise and acknowledgement of hard work and generosity of time are absolute necessities.

One week of consistency (a challenge)

What are the habits that define you? What are the actions that you take every day, no matter what? What are your “non-negotiables,” aspects of your day that you refuse to compromise, day in and day out?

Now…what do you want to change?

In one week, I challenge you to bring more awareness to your daily routine and incorporate a new element that supports your health and wellbeing. (What exactly that “new element” is, I’ll leave up to you.)

Day 1. Record your day. Observe your habits, places you unknowingly spend time. Certain rituals may occupy your days. Don’t judge, simply note your routine in a journal.

Day 2. Add something new. Drink hot water with lemon and honey first thing in the morning. Commit to a twenty-minute online yoga video. Go for a walk when you return home in the evening. Notice how this addition makes you feel.

Day 3. Repeat the same deliberate action you performed yesterday and aim to repeat it for the next four days.

Day 4. Reward yourself for your new commitment and treat yourself to something “out of the ordinary,” something that feels good. Dawdle over your morning coffee. Settle into a cozy café with a newspaper. Stop for a scoop of ice cream after work.

Day 5. Encourage someone else. Now that you are slowly filling your own cup, it is easier to support others. Say a positive word or publicly recognize a colleague’s work ethic. Notice how it feels to give.

Day 6. You may be tempted to “skip” whatever habit you committed to. Don’t. Write down any resistance you might have, note any obstacles that seem to get in the way of your own self-care: negative thinking, hectic scheduling, boredom, apathy. Keep going.

Day 7. Small actions create a ripple effect. Consistency builds over time and slowly, more discipline, more thoughtfulness, and more ease will come into your life. Decide what you want to invite in. Continue your “new element,” or try something else for the next seven days.

Should I focus on making money or following my passion?

I just spent one hour with students in Nepal discussing this very question. The students attended a Career Counseling workshop at Learning House, and they came with questions. And worries. And anxieties. And pressure, pressure from their parents and from society and their friends and, of course, from themselves.

I encouraged these students to focus on four buckets: People, skills, lifestyle, and rewards. This is where they will find the answers to their life’s calling, I said. This is how they might determine the work that will bring them joy.

I’m sharing a few of the highlights here for those who may also be struggling with career/work/job/lifestyle decisions.

People

Imagine your colleagues, your clients, your bosses, your mentors. Who do you want to work with? Who do you want to serve? Who do you want to learn from?

Skills

Consider your talents and experiences. (Be honest!) What are you good at? What are your qualifications? While talent and skills can be developed, there’s no use striving to become a professional cyclist if you have no athletic tendencies. Don’t waste time toiling away or refining a craft that you hate. What do you enjoy?

Lifestyle

Think about the life you want to live, your values and your preferences. What do you need to be comfortable?

I left New York City to encourage education and leadership in Pokhara, Nepal. I spent the better part of two years with sporadic hot showers. Though I can brave short bursts in remote regions, I could never live in a village area for an extended period of time.

Knowing what you can and can’t live without can help you identify the kind of work you’re able to do.

Rewards

What kind of payback are you looking for? Is it money or fame? Rewards come in many forms: Service, fame, money, travel, independence, stability, time, ease, security, flexibility. Some individuals can tolerate high levels of risk, while others are much more comfortable with certainty. What do you need to feel satisfied?

I asked my students to imagine a time they felt successful. What was their accomplishment and what were their feelings at that time? I then asked them to write about that memory to help them remember all of the factors and subtle details that contributed to their success.

Decisions about career paths can’t be made without introspection. After identifying core features of yourself, your values, and your personality, only then you can determine the steps you need to reach your goals. Not every career path requires a Ph.D., and only specific careers call for certifications. Sometimes education is intertwined with a profession; sometimes a degree has no bearing on the work.

I reminded my students that few choices are irreversible. Paths can be changed mid-career, and it’s never “too late” to make a switch. Boredom is a gift, disinterest is also —  they are both warning signs that something needs to change.

Be curious about yourself and the world around you. This can help you navigate your career journey.