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Author: Nick Gaswirth

Decision making, dream chasing

A friend once posed this simple question. It’s since become etched in my mind:

“If you could do anything, anywhere, what would it be?”

Most of us don’t allow ourselves to answer this, much less answer in a brutally honest way. We’re too busy, too invested in our careers, too preoccupied with our families, too set in our ways to give ourselves the space and time to consider.

Would life change if our heart led the way?

It’s scary to go there. There’s fear of failing, of being the fool, of risking and losing, of making the wrong choice. And then! What would it look like to actually succeed?

We make decisions after rigorous cost-benefit analyses. We talk to our friends, we pay for therapists, we torture ourselves with choices. We wonder which path is the “right one,” the one that will bring us happiness and success and pay for all of our bills and more.

But really, it comes down to this:

1. Does it excite you?

2. Do you believe in the cause?

3. Can you make an impact?

Find people who inspire you to jump, dig deep, and stretch towards the life you’ve always wanted. Create time in your life to view your life from new perspectives. Give yourself permission to dream.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

-George Bernard Shaw

36 lessons from NYC

In no particular order:

  1. You can walk as fast as you want, but you won’t get anywhere without considering those around you.
  2. On your worst days, something (or someone) will surprise you and show you kindness in ways you’d never expect.
  3. On your best days, something (or someone) will knock you down, humble you, and disappoint you in ways you’d never expect.
  4. There’s always someone better than you.
  5. There’s always someone with less than you.
  6. Find something to be grateful for every day.
  7. A smile can disarm anyone.
  8. You’ll only be happy if you’re true to yourself.
  9. You are defined by the company you keep.
  10. You have the ability to reinvent yourself. Every day.
  11. Most of the limits you see are created in your own mind. Sprint past them when possible and refuse to get in your own way.
  12. Relationships take work.
  13. There is someone for everyone.
  14. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Look for this beauty in everyone you meet.
  15. Set aside time to nurture those who are important to you.
  16. Communities are essential. No matter your interests, there is one for you.
  17. Learn how to set boundaries and take care of yourself.
  18. Prioritize.
  19. You can view each day as a battlefield or a marvelous adventure. Your choice.
  20. There is always more money to be earned. Learn to be content with what you have.
  21. You probably have more than you need.
  22. You will be tested. Eventually, you will realize you are capable of much more than you think.
  23. Grocery stores don’t need to accommodate small cars. People get along just fine with handbaskets.
  24. It doesn’t matter what it looks like or how many square feet, home is where the heart is.
  25. Movie stars are people, too.
  26. You can put your body through some really grueling activities. It’s capable of amazing things. Be kind to it. You only get one.
  27. Get a bike. And get a damn good lock. If you don’t have a good lock, carry your front tire with you.
  28. It doesn’t matter how cute your shoes are, they better be comfortable and durable.
  29. The outdoors are closer than you think. Don’t neglect blue skies and trees.
  30. There is no reason to eat shitty food.
  31. Challenge yourself to find something new and try something new regularly.
  32. Refuse to settle.
  33. There are plenty of jobs. If you don’t like the one you have, life is too short to waste another day.
  34. Be open — to possibilities, different opinions, new ideas, different beliefs, new opportunities. If you are willing, your world will explode with options. Your choice.
  35. Everyone is creative. Express it in your own way.
  36. You really can create the life you want.

Empathy 101

Create one mandated course for high school students nationwide. What does it include?

At a recent dinner, this was one of the prompts for group discussion. Without hesitation, my mind sounded one clear word.

Empathy.

  • The ability to reference another’s perspective, considering their experiences and worldview, in order to better understand behavior and intention.
  • “Putting yourself in their shoes.”
  • The capacity to recognize another’s emotions and experiences, closing the gap between self and other.
  • Identifying a [valuable] perspective different than your own
  • Requires: self awareness, confidence, openness (personal traits)
  • Requires: listening, open communication, careful observation (communication skills)
  • NOT sympathy
  • NOT pity
  • Often a precursor to compassion
  • Integral for collaborations, understanding, effective and worthwhile discussions, conflict resolution

Ask me to summarize my clinical training into one concept and this would be it.

Harry Prosen defines empathy as “an emotional understanding which allows one as a therapist to resonate with one’s patients in depth emotionally, so that it influences the therapeutic approach and alliance with the patient.”

Yet empathy belongs in more places than clinical environments. We need it in our schools, our personal lives, our government, our businesses. We need to practice it on a daily basis and teach our children to do the same. We must find ways to listen, to converse, and to respond in ways that are considerate and cognizant of the person sitting across the table.

We get into trouble when we are unable to see us in them. This is when valuable information is lost and we lose the opportunity to connect in a new way. Empathy reminds us of our collective humanity.

If you’ve noticed, the best businesses are conducted in an empathic way. The best connections are formed when two parties consider the other’s frame of reference. When empathy is involved, relationships flourish, conversations become meaningful, and solutions address the heart of the real problem.

It’s never too late to learn, and you don’t need a special appointment or degree to practice awareness. Can you bring empathy into your interactions today?

“Empathic connection is an understanding of the heart in which we see the beauty in the other person, the divine energy in the other person, the life that’s alive in them.” —Marshall Rosenberg

 

your dream job is on your desk

What if someone told you that you missed the boat? That the golden ticket to a beautiful home, a happy heart, and an adventurous life was in your back pocket?

What would happen if your phone rang and your boss declared you an asset to the company? If the grocery store clerk looked straight into your eyes and called you a visionary?

What if you found out that “perfect moment” you’ve been waiting for already happened?

What if…

It’s time to find out.

I’ve designed a new offering — part seminar, mentoring circle, book club, networking accelerator, an experience like no other — to challenge you to think beyond “what if” and start venturing into this is it. The first session begins after the holiday season, so you can launch your dreams and your life in a whole new way in 2013.

Learn more about the why and the what here.

Transitions

I’m often asked how I made the transition from social work to social curation. If I’m honest, I never dreamed of having my own business or running my own show. In fact, for a very long time, I was looking for the perfect job, desperately trying to figure out how to craft the perfect cover letter to land the interview that would set me on a fulfilling and profitable career path.

I wish I could say I woke up one morning and realized this dream job was something I could actually create.

It started slowly, with an idea, and — drip by drip! — grew from experimentation to action.

You, too, can start small. You don’t need to have a finished product on the table before you decide to go. Simply identify what’s important to you, acknowledge your skills, and begin to make choices that excite you.

You don’t have to figure it all out today.

The things that really mean something take time.

Redefine work

It’s no wonder we consider work very separate from play. It’s hounded into our heads since we’re able to talk.

We watch Dad grimace as he races to work, and Mom moan about never having enough time (and she doesn’t look like she’s having fun). We’re given hours to learn, write, read, and make things. We have separate hours to talk, move, go outside, discover, and mess around. Recess becomes our gold.

Once the school bell rings freedom, homework hours stand between us and our reward: time to play and make mischief. We quickly learn that good behavior and productivity yields more play time. Decisions are easy.

Then we’re told to find jobs. Quite naturally, we look for ones that bestow upon us the right to play. We look for more money, more time, more vacation hours to do the things we really want to do.

“Work” becomes the vehicle through which play is possible, our income, our sacrifice. Worse yet, boredom. “Play” stands for our hobbies, our leisure, our rest.

Darlene Cohen, author of The One Who Is Not Busy, spells it out:

“We describe our activity as either ‘busy’ or ‘not busy,’ either productively working or taking a blissful break from working. But actually it is possible to experience both ‘busy’ and ‘not busy’ simultaneously, to reach beyond the labels and connect with our work in a way that is deeply satisfying. What this requires is that we develop the breadth of vision and the mental flexibility to be both busy and not busy at the very same time.”

Is it possible to shift our perceptions and redefine what’s work and what’s play?

Can you turn one into the other and find joy in each?