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Author: Nick Gaswirth

“You’re not married?”

“Not married! You don’t want kids?” I often receive questions regarding my relationship status. My answer, it seems, disappoints/confuses many, as if some defect on my part has rendered me less valuable or ambitious.

A little under three years ago, I came to a developing country, alone, where I have volunteered as a social worker and teacher. I established an education center, built a solar grid and fundraised to bring clothes, scholarships and learning adventures to friends in need. Before arriving in Nepal, I qualified for Boston the first time I ran the NYC Marathon. I counsel students, entrepreneurs and notable personalities. I’ve traveled to over twenty countries, finished my Master’s at Columbia University, completed an original research project and graduated with honors from CU Boulder. I have started pro-social groups for adolescent delinquents and have a baby named after me. I’ve organized events that have brought people together from different disciplines and have maintained a weekly blog since 2012. My writing has been published in journals and online. I’ve listened to stories of immigrants and middle class families struggling to pay bills. I’m working on a book. Yet the question isn’t about what I’ve done or plan to do, it’s who and when I will marry.

This is a question I receive in all parts of the world, developed and less so. My single male friends, also in their 30s, seem to evade this inquiry. Instead, they are asked other success indicators: work, house, salary, dog. Isn’t it time we see each other for who we are instead of expectations we carry?

Isn’t it time to have conversations based upon the individual, without of assumptions of race or age or gender or income? Isn’t it time we listen for what drives another’s actions to hear what fuels their beliefs, their convictions, their dreams?

If we could listen more and judge less, our world would move closer towards that tolerant, respectful place we all deserve.

“What is your greatest accomplishment?” serves a much better bridge for meaningful conversation.

5 ways to slow down (and get more done)

In primary school we learn the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Efficiency is rewarded, and the fastest children are given prizes. As we age, schedules become packed with activities, and to-do lists deepen along with wrinkles on our brow. Responsibilities increase, time is limited, and dreams once held dear are pushed to the back burner.

Juggling tasks ultimately leads to a late deadline or slipped chore or even worse, a slighted close friend or forgotten loved one. It’s a tricky scale to balance — one that requires planning, constant evaluation, dependable relationships and support.

It is possible to slow down and delegate, but you have to make a commitment to stop doing everything at once. Magic happens when you do. You’ll feel more alive, have more energy and become re-committed to your work.

1. Evaluate – Consider what must be done and identify what should claim the top spot on your priority list. It can be helpful to separate goals according to time frame: day, week, month, semi-annual, annual.

2. Make a list – Write down what needs to be accomplished today. Looming deadlines should also be noted.

3. Delegate – Handoff tasks that don’t require your personal energy or presence. Look for shortcuts that allow you to focus on what’s really important.

4. Reassess – Take a moment to review what you’ve classified as important/should/must.

5. Self-prioritize – It’s no use pleasing everyone else if your own needs aren’t met. Be sure your tank is full, if not overflowing, and address those around you after you’ve taken care of yourself.

Shortcuts

I’ve worked with monks, criminals, CEOs and students, and they all look for shortcuts. This is why hacks are popular and fitness gurus sell health in pill form and “5-minute exercises.” Numbered blog posts receive more web traffic than developed stories because we want information fast. We don’t have time to sift through inconsequential paragraphs; tell me what I need to know and tell it to me now.

This, to me, is human. We want the quickest, most direct path. We want to learn without putting in time. We want money to come without stress and long hours. We want recognition right after a product launches, and we want to know our destiny instead of watching it slowly unfurl.

While shortcuts help us save time and do work more efficiently, there’s much to be gained from slow, calculated movement.

6 questions to help you find time for anything

I often hear friends complaining about time. No one seems to have enough of it, much less extra to spare on a passion project.

If you find yourself in this category and long for more hours in the day, consider:

  1. How much time do you spend on Facebook?
  2. What do you do during the first hour of your day?
  3. Is there an electronic device in your bedroom?
  4. Do you often perform several tasks at once?
  5. Has a day-planner or calendar become routine?
  6. Do you make lists?

Get honest with yourself and find time to start knocking down some of your goals, ASAP.

12 questions to get past small talk and find out what really matters at networking events

Gone are the days where weather, food and family are the only acceptable topics of discussion at networking events. People yearn for connection and crave something that makes them feel alive.

The people who attract strangers at a party lure with conversations of quality, not quantity. These individuals are passionate, focused and giving, and speaking to them can challenge and inspire you to become your best self.

(You, too, can become one of these people!)

Consider the following questions for your next social engagement:

1. What inspires you?
2. What one problem do you presently wish you could solve?
3. If you were given 1 million dollars, what would you do with it?
4. What’s your favorite aspect of your work?
5. What does your perfect day look like?
6. What would “your book” be about?
7. What do you wish you would have learned in school (but didn’t)?
8. What are you afraid of?
9. What’s the most difficult part of your work?
10. What has been the most valuable introduction you’ve received?
11. Where are you stuck?
12. How can I help?

Click here to read 12 questions to turn small talk into real talk, originally posted on May 7, 2013.

Those who can and those who cannot

There is no way to tell who will win.

A participant list doesn’t mean everyone will start the race. Some will wake up feeling under the weather and decide to stay in bed. A few joggers may step up to the line the “day-of,” making the decision to run that morning or even that hour.

Bang, the race is off: A few runners bolt out of the starting gate and lose steam before they are at the halfway mark. Others spent months practicing and pace themselves to conserve energy; they blaze the full course. A cramp or a sprained muscle may cause an athlete or two to drop unexpectedly. A surprising body clocks in, coming in fifteenth in her age category.

We can’t possibly know who is going to cross the finish line. The only certainty is who begins.

Place a sure bet on yourself by taking necessary steps to start.