Creating with intention
The choices we make impact much more than our day:
Set priorities with care. They influence your destiny.
You aren’t to be ordered about. You are here as a professional.
Everyone else is as uncertain as you are. They may even be more afraid. Yet they’ve made the decision to not let any of this get in their way. They’ve made the choice to show up and be present, regardless of insecurity and fear.
The first few times might be a show. You may have to talk yourself into it. Once you’re there, you may whisper hurtful names to yourself — pretender, phony, fake. Ignore that voice. Slowly, gradually, that whisper will fade and be replaced with an unmistakeable assertion. A knowing, a conviction, a sense of belonging that will lead you to places you had never before considered.
The journey often starts with a moment of anxiety, terror, self doubt, even despair. It’s temporary. In time, you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come. The decision to put yourself in the game will become easier, and the unknown will appear less of a threat.
Claim your space. Believe that you can hold your own. Ask questions that can’t be avoided. Demonstrate why you must be reckoned with.
If you’re not in the room, we can’t listen, we can’t watch your magic, and you won’t get any better. Tell us — show us — why should we stop here, with you, and not continue on.
We’re faced with more choices than ever before. With relative ease, we buy new products, find new partners, reroute our goals. We’re impatient and easily swayed.
Yet success doesn’t always land in the hands of the most skilled. The winners are those who push through, stay the course, fall down, and get back up — again and again and again.
Commit to something. Focus your vision and keep going.
Our steps are easily trackable, our buying decisions traceable with the click of a mouse. We document our lives on film for our friends and the world to see. We post our professional accomplishments on open social networks. We look for validation and response from what we show the world, from names printed in magazines to recognition in the neighborhood coffee stop.
We have unlimited options to conceal our true identity, forsaking vulnerability and connection for a clean, manufactured image. With so many distractions for us to choose from, we can hide from ourselves, busying our focus from concentrating on things that matter and topics we know to be pertinent.
It’s easier to distract ourselves than sit down and get to the real, gritty work.
It’s easy to check email and Facebook regularly.
It’s hard to focus on making big things happen.
It’s easy to sprinkle business cards around a room.
It’s hard to develop meaningful rapport.
It’s easy to leave a meeting without speaking up.
It’s difficult to put your ideas on the line.
It’s easy to attend a party not having learned anyone’s name.
It’s difficult to make intentional introductions.
It’s easy to speak on a panel.
It’s hard to create an experience that changes the way someone feels.
It’s easy to manufacture the same item over and over again.
It’s difficult to create a once-in-a-lifetime work of art.
Seth Godin recently reminded me of questions I can’t afford not to answer:
Each day we have a series of choices that, when combined, contribute to the story we tell ourselves and the world.
1. You really, really want something.
Big Goal: I want to … travel around the world, be the company’s top earner, find a fulfilling relationship, double my savings account, change careers.
2. You want to change your behavior.
Big Goal: I am going to … lose weight, eat mindfully, stop smoking, be independent, make confident decisions, become more organized.
Big Goals sound daunting because they’re not easy (if it sounds easy, it probably isn’t a Big Goal). These kinds of goals often entail major life changes — career, relationship, health — and require concentrated focus and energy.
Lately, many of my meetings have involved some sort of goal setting tirade: how to set goals, frustration with achieving them, fear of failing, uncertainty. Since my days working as a probation officer, I’ve encouraged people to set Big Goals, ones that are both lofty and achievable. The trick to success?
This may sound counterintuitive, but it works.
After you’ve identified and set your Big Goal(s), you must plan smaller, manageable subgoals that point you in the direction of your identified finish line.
Big Goal: I am going to get fit.
subgoal: I am going to start a food diary.
subgoal: I will pack lunch twice this week.
subgoal: I am going to explore different forms of exercise and find what I enjoy.
subgoal: I am going to schedule workouts into my calendar.
etc.
It’s not enough to write your dream on a board and walk away. Your chances of accomplishing Big Goals proportionally increase with the planning and thought you put into your game plan. Subgoals are essential if you’re looking to knock it out of the park.
Set periodic check-in reminders to help you assess whether you are on track. Think of it as a training plan: no marathoner wills himself past the finish line. Successful race days are the result of many mini-runs, planned efforts set with an end result in mind. There’s a reason step-by-step guides work. They take complex processes and break them down into approachable actions.
Big Goal: I am going to get fit.
today: I am going to start a food diary.
this week: I will pack a lunch twice this week.
by next week: I am going to explore different forms of exercise and find one that I enjoy.
this month: I am going to schedule workouts.
etc.
Set Big Goals. Don’t cut yourself slack.
Just increase your betting odds by making a plan to get there.
I say this phrase often, and most of the time people don’t know what I’m talking about.
Why? You can either set yourself up for success or failure.
Think about it: from the people you’re with to the clothes you wear to the books you read to the ways you spend your after hours, you are making choices. I’ll say it again.
I know it can suck to hear this. And I also know that yes, life can throw curveballs and things that exist beyond our control. Accidents happen.
But generally speaking…
The reason you’re lonely isn’t their fault.
The people who are happy aren’t just lucky.
The successful people on top don’t just end up there.
It’s a result of painstakingly HARD WORK.
The choices aren’t always easy ones, and I won’t lie and tell you there won’t be days you feel like quitting.
Put yourself in situations to gain the experience you need.
Surround yourself with people who can elevate, encourage, and inspire you.
Identify what you need to get where you want to go, and make it happen.
Set yourself up for the life you truly want.