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Tag: perspective

You can teach one thing. What is it?

This question is a favorite at dinners. My answer is always the same: Empathy.

“Empathic connection is an understanding of the heart in which we see the beauty in the other person, the divine energy in the other person, the life that’s alive in them.” —Marshall Rosenberg

What is empathy?

Now, more than ever, empathy is an essential teaching. Empathy is:

  • The capacity to consider another’s perspective
  • Learning about another’s worldview to better understand their behavior and intentions
  • Recognizing perspectives and experiences different from your own
  • Trying to minimize the distance between self and other
  • Choosing to “put yourself in their shoes”
  • A prelude to compassion
  • Essential for collaboration, understanding, effective discussions, and conflict resolution

It is our duty to find ways to listen, to converse, and to respond in ways that are respectful of the person sitting across from us. Trouble begins when we are unable to see us in them.

What do you need to practice empathy?

Empathy is NOT sympathy or pity.

We need empathy. We need it in our schools, our relationships, our governments, our businesses. The ability to connect reminds us of our shared humanity. Empathy requires:

  • Self awareness
  • Confidence
  • Openness
  • The ability to listen
  • Communication skills
  • Patience

When empathy is involved, relationships can flourish. Conversations become more meaningful, and solutions focus on what really matters.

Empathic intention influences those around us.

How can you bring empathy into your daily interactions?

Modified from original post Empathy 101.

Take twenty

Twenty minutes to pause.

Twenty minutes to breathe.

To be grateful.

To write.

To read.

To consume.

To move.

To reflect.

To listen.

To work.

To grieve.

To focus.

To savor.

To feel.

To love.

To connect.

To watch.

To rest.

Twenty minutes can make the unmanageable manageable, the forgotten remembered, and the overwhelming more digestible.

You can do anything for twenty minutes. Use it as your weapon.

Takeaways from two weeks of “Positive Talk”

14 people from around the world signed up to join me in a small experiment: For two weeks, I would commit to daily discussions focused on Good Things.

I spoke with Italians, Brits, folks in the United States, Sweden, and Nepal. On some days I had to talk myself up for the session; other days I looked forward to thirty minutes of positivity.

At the beginning of each call, I asked participants to rank themselves on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 for on-the-floor depression and 10 for something close to contagious joy). At the end of our call, I asked for another self-ranking. 12 out of the 14 participants reported an increase in positive feelings. The other two reported no change, having already reported high levels of feeling. I, too, found myself feeling better at the end of the calls.

But beyond feeling better, I felt seen. Those thirty minutes became a plug-in of support, encouragement, and connection. Many participants echoed battles with imposter syndrome — “Am I good enough, capable enough, strong enough, ready enough, productive enough, gentle enough, prepared enough?” Time management was another expressed hurdle, but it was rephrased as a goal that could be conquered.

And in all of these calls, it became clear that even when the world seems upside down, we have the ability to write our own narratives. We have the choice to fall into old, self-sabotaging coping strategies or tap into traits that can set us up for something greater. We can choose to see ourselves through a compassionate lens, or we can cling to memories that no longer apply. Our stories can become ones of curiosity and growth.

There’s no telling when or if things will return to “normal.” This experiment, however, reminded me there are many things still in our control. We can make time to connect, and we can train our minds to focus on creation, empathy, and compassion — for ourselves and for others. I’m thankful to all those who participated in this experiment with me.

Try for yourself: Set a calendar of participants (ask friends, family, and colleagues), keep a journal of notes, and record pre- and post- rankings for each call. Let me know how it goes.

Assigning meaning

Perspective keeps coming up in Positive Talk sessions. From media articles to family conversations, the meanings we assign to situations, reactions, and words can weigh significantly on our perception and interpretation of the world around us.

This is important for three reasons.

One, we get to choose how we want to interpret a given situation.

Two, we get to decide how important any situation will become.

Three, our choices dramatically impact the way we feel.

Now, more than ever, the definitions we use to understand ourselves, our communities, our cultures, and our world are open to interpretation. Though many of us are “stuck” physically, our minds are free to roam.

Perspective can be the flashlight needed to navigate uncertain, challenging circumstances.

It’s worth taking time to review your own assigned meanings. (And yes, it is possible to edit the meanings we have assigned to ourselves, to others, and to the ways in which we perceive what is happening around — and to — us.)

Each day, we make a series of decisions.

Decisions of worry or freedom. Creation or inaction. Calm or frenzy. Patience or frustration.

Take time to reconsider the meanings you assign.

Flip the script

There’s a lot of bad in the world right now. Maybe you feel hopeless, confined, or stuck.

Even for today, challenge yourself to look for hope. Reverse the stories you’re telling yourself and find places of light.

Turn “I’m so bored” into “What can I do next?” and get active.

Convert “I’m stuck at home” into “Now I can finish that book.”

Divert your attention from negative news and search for stories of kindness. Yes, there is hate and fear and anger and disappointment, but there is a lot of good, too. Each day we have the opportunity to focus on that.

Flip the script and challenge yourself to find the good today. And then the day after that.

Even when everything seems upside down, trust it will turn right side up again.