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Tag: perspective

Good start, better end

Most of our efforts are concentrated on beginnings.

We are taught the importance of starting off on the right track and putting our best foot forward. We want to barrel out of the gate and make great first impressions.
Consider:

  • We rehearse repetitively for auditions and practice months before the big game.
  • First meetings include an extra something — added charisma, a special lunch, a sharp suit.
  • We introduce thoughtfully, crafting emails and inserting interesting tidbits into conversation.
  • We prepare for interviews and spend hours on applications.
  • Our “hellos” are bright, hinting at the potential of what’s to come.
  • We plan in advance and secure reservations for that first date.

In fact, the importance of beginning well has been so deeply engrained into our psyche, that we sometimes don’t even start at all.

But what about endings?

The final performance.
A career change.
The finished paper.
A closed deal.
Finalized contracts.
A meeting’s end.
Goodbyes.
A thoughtful thank you.

What was once a beginning now has a story.

What if we gave endings as much time, energy, and preparation as each beginning? What if we focused on creating an equally successful close?
Instead of simply walking off the court, saying goodbye, hanging up, how can you leave a trace of magic? Is there a ceremony you can create, a finishing touch you can add?
Your work deserves more than a handshake or a subtle nod. Go out with a bang.

What makes a good manager?

Good managers:

  • pinpoint and recognize individual strengths
  • delegate effectively
  • demonstrate empathy
  • champion success
  • actively analyze and identify areas of self improvement
  • channel enthusiasm while gently nudging staff development and growth
  • share with discretion

Other managers:

  • assign roles without considering natural skills and talent
  • fail to provide benchmarks for employee growth
  • have unclear expectations
  • confuse communication with control
  • let emotions negatively impact the work environment
  • lack perspective

Are you in the right theater?

This may sound hokey, but stay with me.

If you were an outside observer watching the events of your life on a movie screen, would you enjoy what was playing?

When we’re able to remove ourselves and consider our decisions objectively, we gain valuable information. Our emotions no longer dictate action. By stepping back, we can better identify the path we’re traveling on.

Are you moving closer towards your goals and the person you hope to be? Are you creating something you’re proud of?

Envision your life on film.

People are watching.

Get what you want by working backwards

Big Goals — the ones worth mentioning — typically fall into one of two categories:

1. You really, really want something.

Big Goal: I want to … travel around the world, be the company’s top earner, find a fulfilling relationship, double my savings account, change careers.

2. You want to change your behavior.

Big Goal: I am going to … lose weight, eat mindfully, stop smoking, be independent, make confident decisions, become more organized.

Big Goals sound daunting because they’re not easy (if it sounds easy, it probably isn’t a Big Goal). These kinds of goals often entail major life changes — career, relationship, health — and require concentrated focus and energy.

Lately, many of my meetings have involved some sort of goal setting tirade: how to set goals, frustration with achieving them, fear of failing, uncertainty. Since my days working as a probation officer, I’ve encouraged people to set Big Goals, ones that are both lofty and achievable. The trick to success?

Work backwards.

This may sound counterintuitive, but it works.
After you’ve identified and set your Big Goal(s), you must plan smaller, manageable subgoals that point you in the direction of your identified finish line.

Big Goal: I am going to get fit.

subgoal: I am going to start a food diary.

subgoal: I will pack lunch twice this week.

subgoal: I am going to explore different forms of exercise and find what I enjoy.

subgoal: I am going to schedule workouts into my calendar.

etc.

It’s not enough to write your dream on a board and walk away. Your chances of accomplishing Big Goals proportionally increase with the planning and thought you put into your game plan. Subgoals are essential if you’re looking to knock it out of the park.
Set periodic check-in reminders to help you assess whether you are on track. Think of it as a training plan: no marathoner wills himself past the finish line. Successful race days are the result of many mini-runs, planned efforts set with an end result in mind. There’s a reason step-by-step guides work. They take complex processes and break them down into approachable actions.

Big Goal: I am going to get fit. 

today: I am going to start a food diary.

this week: I will pack a lunch twice this week.

by next week: I am going to explore different forms of exercise and find one that I enjoy.

this month: I am going to schedule workouts.

etc.

Set Big Goals. Don’t cut yourself slack.
Just increase your betting odds by making a plan to get there.
 

20 questions to ask as you enter a new year

They work best if you’re honest:

  1. Am I holding onto any beliefs that aren’t serving me?
  2. What do I want to learn this year?
  3. Have I set any long-term goals?
  4. Are my daily decisions setting me up for success?
  5. Do my present priorities accurately reflect my innermost dreams and desires?
  6. Is my work fulfilling my creative desires?
  7. Am I creating time to pursue outside interests?
  8. Do I regularly allow myself to dream?
  9. Is there a specific topic I can learn more about that will help advance my career?
  10. Have I surrounded myself with people who can help me achieve my goals (and encourage me to get there)?
  11. Are my personal relationships fulfilling?
  12. How do I want to be introduced when meeting strangers?
  13. Do I take an active interest in my health?
  14. How can I regularly create a supportive, positive environment for myself?
  15. What lessons have I learned from past failures and mistakes?
  16. What decisions have I made that that support my belief in my own aptitude?
  17. Do I believe that I have art/work/products that will benefit the world?
  18. Am I becoming more of the person I hope to be?
  19. What is preventing me from change?
  20. How can I start today?

Empathy 101

Create one mandated course for high school students nationwide. What does it include?

At a recent dinner, this was one of the prompts for group discussion. Without hesitation, my mind sounded one clear word.

Empathy.

  • The ability to reference another’s perspective, considering their experiences and worldview, in order to better understand behavior and intention.
  • “Putting yourself in their shoes.”
  • The capacity to recognize another’s emotions and experiences, closing the gap between self and other.
  • Identifying a [valuable] perspective different than your own
  • Requires: self awareness, confidence, openness (personal traits)
  • Requires: listening, open communication, careful observation (communication skills)
  • NOT sympathy
  • NOT pity
  • Often a precursor to compassion
  • Integral for collaborations, understanding, effective and worthwhile discussions, conflict resolution

Ask me to summarize my clinical training into one concept and this would be it.

Harry Prosen defines empathy as “an emotional understanding which allows one as a therapist to resonate with one’s patients in depth emotionally, so that it influences the therapeutic approach and alliance with the patient.”

Yet empathy belongs in more places than clinical environments. We need it in our schools, our personal lives, our government, our businesses. We need to practice it on a daily basis and teach our children to do the same. We must find ways to listen, to converse, and to respond in ways that are considerate and cognizant of the person sitting across the table.

We get into trouble when we are unable to see us in them. This is when valuable information is lost and we lose the opportunity to connect in a new way. Empathy reminds us of our collective humanity.

If you’ve noticed, the best businesses are conducted in an empathic way. The best connections are formed when two parties consider the other’s frame of reference. When empathy is involved, relationships flourish, conversations become meaningful, and solutions address the heart of the real problem.

It’s never too late to learn, and you don’t need a special appointment or degree to practice awareness. Can you bring empathy into your interactions today?

“Empathic connection is an understanding of the heart in which we see the beauty in the other person, the divine energy in the other person, the life that’s alive in them.” —Marshall Rosenberg