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Tag: experience

The unusual gift of fear

If you feel afraid, there’s a good chance something big is about to happen. You have a choice: run away or step towards it.

With fear resting on one side of the scale, desire to change sits on the other. Either you desperately want something different or a situation has become so unpleasant it leaves no other possible choice. If you let fear win, you may find yourself in the same position next year, or even five years down the line.

Fear forces you to prepare and plan, to collect information, and to consider possible outcomes. But giving too much power to fear welcomes anxiety, lets the mind to travel to far too distant places, and distorts your perspective. From an evolutionary perspective, fear triggers fight or flight. Your heart rate quickens, breathing becomes shallow, and your vision narrows. Unknown situations and unfamiliar circumstances trigger the responses our ancestors once had at the hiss of a snake or bear or enemy.

Each time you embrace fear, you become stronger. The spaces fear once lingered become smaller, and in time, you’ll have so much light that only a small shadow is cast. The next time fear creeps into shadowy places, you’ll know how to cope.

Recognize fear for what it is. Write down all of the possible situations that might occur — the mistakes you’re afraid of, the “maybes” that might happen, the potential disasters (yes, even the ludicrous ones), your fears of success.

Then get ready to act. Committing to a decision will increase your confidence, and fear will be the one that begins to tremble.

Breathe deep and go.

Confrontation and rejection: an opportunity

Confrontation and rejection are both uncomfortable, unpleasant situations that no one likes to encounter. Those with a less developed sense of self may interpret confrontation or rejection as a hit to their ego, their self-esteem dependent upon approval and positive feedback from others. As life begins to deal more social situations (and success), rejection matters less. The sting of disapproval doesn’t hold as much weight, and a healthier attitude towards potentially unkind situations develops. In fact, people who learn to deal with rejection and confrontation realize that these unpleasant circumstances are part of life, and to avoid them would create an insulating boundary that would limit the magic of living. These people accept that they won’t be a match for everyone and that this impossible expectation is too heavy a load to carry.

The first rejections are always the hardest to hear. When you begin to face the fear and anxiety of negative situations with a more positive attitude, the experience changes. The power of rejection lessens, and valuable learnings can be gained in potentially troubling situations. Conflict often isn’t as bad as we rehearse it in our own mind.

Scared of letting your feelings and emotions known? Practice first, by writing them down. Write down what you hope to say and explain how you feel. Dealing with confrontation and rejection is an essential skill no matter your line of work. Taking time to gather your thoughts before entering a charged situation will empower you to remain grounded and present when emotions run high.

Restoring health

An ayurvedic center in Nepal offers one month programs for people who have fallen out of good health. The team of practitioners systematically target different elements in the body in the belief that once balance is restored, the person will return to a calmer, more peaceful state of wellbeing. Throughout the month, clients receive weekly recommendations designed to detoxify and restore the body. Therapies incorporate diet, yoga, cleansing, and a series of ayurvedic practices. Participants are discouraged from engaging in unnecessary work — especially online — and follow a daily schedule, waking around 6:30am and sleeping by 10pm.

The center is simply decorated, a table of organized bottles of herbs and oils resting beneath a bright window. “What happens when clients return home?” I asked.

“One of two things usually happens,” the manager replied, his smiling eyes gentle and kind. “The person returns to same challenges with a renewed perspective, better equipped to make decisions, or they make changes after realizing their situations no longer serve them.”

The truth is we all have some habit that could be reevaluated. I don’t think you need to come to Nepal and spend a month in a health facility to make adjustments in your life, but you will need focus and a commitment to yourself. And if you need guidance, please don’t hesitate to find a suitable health practitioner near you.

By bringing mindfulness to each day, it is possible to assess whether the decisions we make are helping us become healthy, informed, and balanced.

Do that thing you think you can’t

A small voice whispered, “Don’t bother, it’s a waste of time, it will never happen.” I listened. But thankfully, just for a day. My mind kept swirling, dreaming, going back to the idea. After last summer at the Byrdcliffe Artist in Residence program, I have been fantasizing for more uninterrupted time to devote to my manuscript.
My fingers hovered over the application. Why should they pick you? What are your chances? I revisited the site again and again, closing the browser, reopening the page, googling pictures of the area and reading reviews of past participants.
This tiny voice often appears. Sometimes I listen, other times I ignore. But it seems when I risk those scary words — EXPOSURE, FAILURE, REJECTION — beautiful things happen.
“Apply,” I told that voice, “You will regret it if you don’t.”
Do that thing you think you can’t. Even if you fall short and your efforts are flat, you’ll be glad. You’ll always wonder “what if” if you don’t at least try.

What if nobody knows?

What if nobody knows you’re the one who dropped the ball?
What if nobody learns about the mistake you made?
What if nobody finds the great work that you’re doing?
What if nobody compliments you?
What if nobody knows you failed?
What if nobody clicks “like” or responds to your email or answers your call?
What if nobody sees the progress you’ve made?
What if nobody buys your product?
What if nobody recognizes your worth?
Would you switch your goals? Would you make different decisions? Would your behavior change?
You’re the one person who knows all of your mistakes, all of your successes, all of your growth and progress and milestones.
Remember whose opinion matters most.

Let’s go to an art residency for one hour, every day

Writing residencies spoil people.

I just finished one month completely devoted to artistic creation. The schedule was up to me, when I wanted to work, for how long and on what. I was surrounded by other energetic artists who were on their own programs — some stayed up all night holed up in their studios, others spent afternoons baking cakes and cookies in the communal kitchen. I could go for long walks in the morning or take a yoga class at night. Aside from a weekly group check-in, the agenda was totally up to me.

The setting was magical (Woodstock, NY) and buildings historic (founded in 1902), but the greatest gift was time. I was taken from my day-to-day responsibilities and placed in an entirely new environment. My sole aim: To focus on the creative pursuit of my choosing.

It was luxurious.

And I realize, not entirely practical.

Two days before the residency ended, I panicked. How am I going to finish what I started? I am going back into the “real world” where tasks and duties and meetings and schedules and a full email inbox await. I understand residencies are temporal and intermittent and not everyone can take a month out of their life to do art.

A fellow writer at the residency had a invaluable answer I want to share with you.

One hour.

One hour a day, she said, whenever it suits you. In the morning, in the evening, in the late afternoon. Set a timer and write. No more, no less. One hour. When that alarm goes off, you turn off, put the pen down, close the computer and walk away.

I can do that, I think. And so can you.

For this next month, let’s commit one hour every day to focus on our goals. To create. To write. To do the work, whatever that means to you.

Note: I’m not saying a finished piece in thirty days. We’re only holding each other accountable for clocking in time. Sixty daily uninterrupted minutes. We’re creating our own artist residency together, and it doesn’t require travel or communal living or time off from work/school/family.

Let’s do this. Tweet me, message me, let me know what you’re working on.