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Tag: create

7 steps to finding happiness

1. Put yourself in the position of opportunity. Go where there is more.

2. Do what you’re good at.

3. Big goals are great but don’t become so focused on them you can’t reroute if necessary.

4. Focus on the now: does your heart sink or flutter? Is there a rock in your stomach when you head to work?

5. What is taking you away from your present experience? How can you limit these distractions and refocus your attention?

6. Find people you can “do your thing with.” People who accept you for being 110% you. People who sit with you when you’re feeling less than your best, who can pick up the phone and give you two minutes of their time when you really need it.

7. Stop trying.

I’ll repeat that last one: stop trying to be happy. It’s temporal, elusive, impermanent. Those low points — depression, sadness, emptiness, loneliness, dejection? They serve as a barometer, an unexpected gift to let you know whether you’re on (or off) track.

Hard times are gifts.

There are moments you’re sick or tired or bored.

You’re not sure whether to stick or quit. It’s unclear whether progress is being made. Patterns seem hardwired, destined to repeat. Nothing makes sense, and the future is uncertain.

You’re questioning your work, your decisions, the motives of people around you. You’re questioning yourself.

These are the defining moments. This is when you find your passion and what really matters.

Power pack: 5 questions

I use questions to help my clients uncover their best selves, whether it is work or personal goals they are after. I’m sharing five here in hopes they spark your own journey:

  1. How are you different, what can you do that no one else can?
  2. What do people ask from you? (clients, family, friends, organizations, managers)
  3. What one word embodies your vision, your company, your principles?
  4. What top two dreams are current priorities?
  5. Tomorrow you wake up and everything is as it should be — simply perfect. What does this look like? From relationships to work to home to money. Get specific.

Unlearning problematic beliefs

Certain beliefs have been hardwired into our minds. From a very early age, our behavior has been molded by rewards and experiences. Thought patterns have formed impressive grooves onto our brains, so much in fact, that twenty, thirty, even forty years later, these patterns persist — some without us knowing, some incredibly damaging to our progress as human beings.

A few of mine, for example:

As fast as possible is always best (efficiency!).

“Doing nothing” is bad.

Self-sacrifice is noble.

Money means struggle.

I’m not sure what they are for you. They’re not always easy to uncover. Typically the worst ones manifest in subtle ways until slowly, overtime, their cumulative effects create disturbance. This is why thousands of Americans flock to doctors: there’s an issue to fix (depression, anxiety, disinterest, fatigue, high blood pressure, panic). These symptoms can result in lost jobs, broken relationships, low self-esteem, hopelessness or worse.

One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the space and time to look at possible causes of such symptoms. What is the root of the hardships you’re enduring? When you think you’ve identified the issue, push yourself to go even deeper. But please, don’t be afraid to consult a qualified therapist to walk you gently through this potentially dark and lonely forest. The right person can be a light as you find your way home.

It can take months, years to unlearn damaging beliefs. Be patient with yourself and stay focused on what you really want your life to look like. You’re worth it.

Help someone find their way.

There are people in your world who need to meet.

Send an email introduction today between two people you greatly admire, people who can benefit from knowing each other and will appreciate your thoughtfulness. Your introduction can spin one person’s life into an entirely new direction.

Fellow impresario, make it happen.

When you find your passion, people will hate you.

“I think your [sic] passionate about your work and I know it turns people like me off.”

The message pinged in my Facebook inbox as I was going to sleep.

Maybe because I was in a particularly fragile state — two days in bed with high fever, my arms and legs raging with sunburn, pimples dotting my face, constipation, tension high with continued visa struggles, pressure to find funding for our annex building while trying to keep dinners in NYC going strong — I’ll admit, the comment stung. It got me thinking about what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been going about it. I instantly starting writing and analyzing.

You see, even when you’re shining and radiant and doing good work in the world, there will be people who don’t like you, who don’t understand, who aren’t supportive.

Ignore them. Write a list of all your wins and keep going.

P.S. If I had good wifi, I would download and listen to James’ podcasts.