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Category: Information

7 steps to find your purpose

“How do I find my purpose?” I hear this one a lot. It’s a big question, and in Western society, a lot of weight is placed on the answer. When I came across mine, I wasn’t looking. In fact, I had given up the pro/con lists and analysis charts, and I donated “What Color Is Your Parachute?” to the local bookstore. I very well understood what I did and did not like. I knew exactly what caused me pain and what made me feel good. I knew that giving to others and serving communities made me feel at ease and alive and redirected self-absorption away from myself and onto something positive.

While the path to finding purpose is hardly straight and narrow, there are steps you can take to find your way.

1. Know what you’re good at.
This requires a bit of truth-telling on your part. If you have dreams of joining the MLS but lack coordination and athleticism, it might not be the best use of your energy to focus on what’s unattainable. Instead, consider the skills and talents you do have. What do you do well? What are you known for? Ask a friend if you need help identifying your plus points.

2. Know what you hate.
Sometimes knowing what you DO NOT LIKE is easier than figuring out what you do. It’s pretty straight-forward if you have a visceral reaction to something, and you know when you dislike a certain kind of work. It’s simple: don’t like it, don’t do it.

3. Identify your “non-negotiables.”
This is a phrase often used by matchmaking extraordinaire Patti Stanger. Not only can identifying a list of “must-haves” in a mate help you find The One, it can also help you find The Work. The process forces you to drill down those items that are most important to you while simultaneously reminding you of the fact there will always be shortcomings. No situation is perfect. Compromise and exchange is inherent to the most valuable relationships and life experiences. You will have to give up something in order to do the kind of work you love. What that something is depends on you.

4. Change your environment.
From the clients I’ve worked with, the ones most looking for their purpose are the ones feeling the most stuck. Altering your environment can help. It doesn’t need to be a trip around the world. Changing the furniture in your office, hanging new paintings, even going for long walks can freshen your perspective.

5. Establish routine.
This sounds counterintuitive, but creating a daily routine builds the framework to invite sparks of imagination into your world. It’s like a creative brief: without one, creative people go crazy. Provide a bit of guidance, however, and ideas can be channeled in such a way that finished projects satisfy and delight clients. You also need structure to feel good. Eat frequent meals, sleep at consistent times, exercise regularly. Having a schedule will give your mind a break in routine areas so it can focus on what really matters.

6. Realize nothing is perfect.
Even when you do find the work that makes you come alive, there will be days that feel like death. Once you realize this, there is less pressure on daily ups and downs, and you can relax into projects that bring you satisfaction. I’m not talking about settling, I’m talking about coming to terms with moments that are challenging and hard (typically these tumultuous times are good for you, serving to recommit yourself to your purpose).

7. Don’t stop.
Don’t quit. Don’t give up. You’re too important. The world needs you.

15 links to supercharge your bookmark bar

Mix it up. Read good writing. Read bad writing. Learn something new. Remember something old. Get inspired. A few of my bookmarked favorites (in no particular order):

  1. Alltop
  2. Fast Company
  3. :zenhabits
  4. Brain Pickings
  5. Derek Sivers
  6. Farnam Street
  7. Zig Ziglar
  8. Steven Pressfield
  9. David Lee
  10. McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
  11. Reid Hoffman
  12. Lifehacker
  13. ReadWrite
  14. Lean In
  15. Medium

Would you stop eating for a cause you believe in?

That’s exactly what Dr. Govinda KC did. A senior orthopedic surgeon and professor at Nepal’s prestigious Tribhuvan University Teaching Hospital, Dr. KC didn’t eat for twelve days. Citing malpractice and corruption in Nepal’s health and education systems, the doctor demanded change. His hunger protest urged government leaders to intervene and take action against dishonest office holders and reassess current policies and practice.
Thousands of medical professionals showed their allegiance, refusing to work and crippling hospitals throughout the country. Civil society members urged Dr. KC to show flexibility as many patients suffered. On the twelfth day of his hunger strike, a several-point agreement was drafted and signed.
I’ve never seen or heard anything like this. For someone to choose to starve themselves for days on end, to refuse food and risk their health in the name of a cause they believe in requires courage, bravery, and perhaps, questionable lucidity.
Regardless, it worked.
The government has formed a task force to monitor and assess existing medical programs. Current appointments will be evaluated and granted based on seniority and merit. Medical colleges that fail to meet standard requirements will be banned. Baseline fees for nursing, paramedic, and medicine courses will be set to eliminate the development of education as a business sector. Free government education has been promised. Policy will be written to ensure the availability of government medical college for all citizens.
While it’s clear a hunger protest seems a drastic means to achieve a desired outcome, it raises the issue of the level an individual must fight to combat corruption and demand good. It’s clear Dr. KC’s actions spurred response from higher authorities. But his act raises questions about one person’s life in context of the collective — and the sometimes drastic steps an individual must take to enact change.
Overthrowing long-standing institutions requires indeterminable patience, some measure of self-sacrifice and relentless hard work. I’m not suggesting we all go on hunger strikes, but I would like to see the equivalent of Dr. KC’s passion and determination more often in our world.
This is the fifth time the doctor has staged such a protest.

Teaching people how to think

I send students home with newspapers and tell them to come ready to discuss one article tomorrow.

Newspapers are incredible learning tools; they don’t carry the “uncool” stigma of textbooks, they’re lightweight and can easily fold into bags and purses and pockets. Not only can papers be scribbled upon (great for note-taking and analysis), they have an inviting quality: “Pick me up! Read me! Pass me on!” I know when newspapers are brought home, it isn’t just the student reading it but family and friends as well.

I stress 6 Ws in these newspaper assignments:

who

what

where

why

when

Instructing my students,

Who wrote it?

What’s the point of the article?

Where does it take place?

Why was the article written?

When was the article written or when did the events take place?

And most importantly,

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

It seems many of my students haven’t been asked this question before. Public schools in Nepal teach obedience and power hierarchy, not critical thinking or self-expression. Unfortunately, even native English speakers aren’t necessarily adept at communicating their own thoughts and opinions.

As you read articles, yes, read them for content, but read between the lines. Formulate your own ideas about the topic at hand. Do you agree or disagree, strongly, or not at all? Why?

The whole point of language is to communicate. To release your thoughts into the world, to express what’s inside. Beyond the grammar, theory and parts of speech, it comes down to expression. Can you express what is in your mind and your heart?

New York City restaurants

I receive many emails asking for restaurant recommendations. Client dinners, hidden gatherings, networking events and fun nights out — here’s a list of some of my NYC favorites, in no particular order:

Cafe Select – Their secret back room is home to one of Project Exponential’s very first dinner parties.

Beauty & Essex – Hidden behind a pawn shop. Go here for an experience.

East Village Robotaya – Food + Environment + Entertainment. Sit at the bar.

Bacaro – Downstairs candlelit dining rooms are perfect for groups. Tell Kama Michelle sent you.

The Fat Radish – Tucked into the Lower East Side. Make reservations in advance.

PDT (Please Don’t Tell) – Look for the phone booth to enter.

Smith & Mills – This one can be tricky to find. The round, red “71” light is your indicator. 

Hudson Clearwater – Private wine room is great for meetings and events.

Buttermilk Channel – American comfort food in Brooklyn. Brunch extremely popular.

Catch – Meatpacking District’s seafood spectacle.

Eleven Madison Park – Unique. Experience. If not, very close to art.

Ippudo – The place to go for Ramen. Make reservations. 

Death + Company – Cocktails.

On beginning, career change, and empathy

The following is derived from an interview. For the full article, click here. 

How did you begin Project Exponential?

MW: I was living in New York City, bored out of my mind after finishing my masters at Columbia University and working in their admissions department. The creative in me wasn’t satisfied, and the realist in me knew I couldn’t afford to stay in Manhattan on a social worker’s salary. I began moonlighting as a copywriter and slowly weaseled my way into the advertising industry.

How does a social worker enter advertising?

MW: The same skills I’d use in the therapist room I would use while consulting with larger companies: asking questions, trying to dissect possible causes for a person’s behavior, trying to understand what they want and what drives them. In advertising, it’s the same thing. You identify your audience and imagine who they are, what they want, what motivates them. Then you build campaigns that successfully reach them. The method is similar but the population is different.

How did the first dinner come about?

MW: After directing New York City’s Social Media Week, my contact list became an eclectic mix of social do-gooders and non-profit leaders, tech experts, marketing gurus, entrepreneurs and a various assortment of athletes, entertainers and minor celebrities. I imagined what might happen if these accomplished, talented people found themselves in one room. The therapist from the South Bronx has something to offer the Wall Street executive; it’s just a matter of giving them the opportunity to exchange ideas and talk openly.

Who was invited?

MW: The very first dinner was a list of academics, entrepreneurs, investors, therapists, writers, performers, and marketers. I invited around twenty people to SoHo’s Cafe Select. They have a great back room, a hidden dungeon that you have to walk through the kitchen to enter. It’s lit with small lights and candles, and the magical environment added to the evening’s serendipity.

One of the key ways I separate Project Exponential from other networking events is I don’t tell people who is coming. I don’t list names or titles. I want people to connect on a real and personal level. If they want to reveal they’re the CEO of whatever company because they feel that is important, fine, but I’m more focused on relationship building and what someone has to give. That’s where the real magic happens.

What do people talk about at dinners?

MW: Dinners are loosely structured with questions; the exact format depends on who is attending. I encourage people to talk about their struggles and challenges because everyone in the room is some expert. It’s an incredible resource for people. Sometimes the best insight comes from someone looking at a problem from an entirely different perspective, and work can be inspired with a fresh set of eyes.

How are dinners structured?

Dinner questions often focus on empathy and giving. The topic of empathy is one that has been derived from my social work training. The ability to recognize what contributes to another’s worldview, what influences the way they assess and analyze situations, and how to put yourself in their shoes is a skill that can be utilized both personally and professionally.

Seating charts are designed based on what I’ve come to learn about each person and what I think they can offer. The number of attendees is limited because I have found small groups allow the type of intimacy that enables people to connect and get honest.

You have a large roster of clients who want to attend. How has the word spread?

MW: It’s been word of mouth. A lot of thrashing happened in the beginning. I tried different formats and researched the history of the salon. Trial and error came helped me define the ideal size and format for the dinners. The evening unfolds like an onion: the beginning is creative and exploratory and by the end of the evening, people are helping each other with real life problems. They’re asking each other questions and using each other as resources, even sometimes hugging as friends.

What is the process of selecting guests for the evening?

MW: That’s my social work background: how to analyze and assess and identify areas of need and opportunity. My work is to get the right people in the room. I evaluate each attendee’s experiences and look to match skills and interests. I look at it like a big puzzle piece, putting people together in a way that makes sense.

My opinion is that most everyone is trying to get somewhere. If I can make introductions to someone who is already “there” or knows how to move in that direction, that is value. Very few people are exactly where they want to be. And that’s a good thing. We’re all in this together — exploring and failing and achieving goals. The beauty is that people have different experiences across different verticals.

How do online interactions affect these offline encounters?

MW: Technology has been instrumental to bridging gaps that once existed. We have the opportunity to develop so many different connections and reach out to people we didn’t have access to before; however, I believe certain things can only develop in person, away from computers and gadgets.

Project Exponential has been founded on blending both worlds to create meaningful relationships. I use social platforms to introduce and connect people yet emphasize the value that stems from real experiences. The most authentic, vulnerable conversations take place when you step away from the screen.

What has been most rewarding for you?

MW: The emails I get from people whose career paths have changed because of someone they met, people who have started projects together. Others have found business partners, friends, mentors. My work with Seth Godin showed me the value of connection and what can happen when people build relationships in a real way.

My best success is when I’ve helped someone move in the direction that’s closer to what they want for themselves, both in business and in life. As a probation officer, I found great satisfaction in seeing positive change. It’s the same thing now: I love hearing I’ve helped people achieve their goals by introducing them to the right people.