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Category: Information

When DENIED doesn’t matter

Recently, I’ve been receiving a lot of “No’s.” The proposals and emails I’m sending are falling flat, and my inbox is filled with rejections and denials.

Denial

I could let these responses discourage me, but I’m not. I’m using them as fuel. Like my friend Jodi says, “Care enough to push past the ‘No’.”

Rejection doesn’t have to mean failure; it can be a wonderful teacher. Jodi once set out to be rejected by 100 people in one week. Instead of feeling disheartened by negative responses, she only felt confident and more certain. She also raised money for five scholarships in the process.

Care enough to keep going, even if other people doubt your abilities or ideas.

Give, give, give and ask (not take)

A few days ago I listened to this podcast with Gary Vaynerchuck and James Altucher. There are many gems packed into the hour-long segment: advice on entrepreneurship, goal setting and finding your passion. Gary encourages listeners to gear up for the long haul and keep sights focused on that seemingly distant finish line — where freedom, self worth, pride, and a life [well] enjoyed await. He says that most people give of themselves with expectation, giving in order to receive. That’s the wrong approach, he says, and encourages people that the process should be: give-give-give-ask.

Almost three years ago, I came to Nepal was a volunteer. First in a monastery and now at a learning center, I have lived alongside locals struggling to put children through school, build fires to cook, cope with natural disasters, and handle political strife. Yet they encounter personal hardships with grace and admirable resilience, and I want to tell their stories.

I have been selected to participate in the Artist in Residence program at Woodstock Byrdcliffe Guild, and I will be traveling from Nepal to attend. The program lasts four weeks and “provides artists of exceptional talent with uninterrupted time and creative space to research and create new work.” I have been granted a partial fellowship and will be joined by 4 writers, 7 visual artists, 2 ceramicists and 1 musical composer.

My aim is to write a piece that is beautiful, compelling and describes both the injustices and strength I witness here in Nepal. To learn more about what I’ve done to support education and leadership locally, please visit Khata: Life and Learning House Nepal.

I’m asking now. I’d like to ask you to consider helping me participate by visiting this Generosity page. You can also share using this link: https://igg.me/at/G7dVeTfHb5o.

It’s not easy to ask. You’re putting yourself out there and your mind becomes filled with worries and doubt and insecurity. But when a community rallies behind you and supports you and your work, it opens up new experiences, creativity and joy — and opportunities you might never had expected. (For more on this topic, check out Amanda Palmer’s The Art of Asking.)

Thank you for your generosity and encouragement of my work.

Writing tips for non-writers

If you’re trying to get something done (build a business, raise funds, get a job, find employees), writing is a helpful skill to have. But if you think writing is best left up to the pros, follow my three-step recipe for a writing process that’s both easy and effective.*

Step 1: What are you writing about?

Think about what you want to communicate and who you are trying to reach. What do you want to say? Once you decide your position or attitude about that thing, you can begin to make notes about your ideas. Jot down words and phrases that come to mind. You can go back and edit later, but for this initial step, get down on paper as much as you can.

Next, structure your writing. If you’re presenting or trying to convince an audience of something, try to organize your thoughts logically. Think about your writing as a hamburger: the top bun is your introduction, the meat and filling is the body (your main points!), and the bottom piece of bread is your conclusion or summary. Leave out any part of this, and your hamburger presentation just isn’t as tempting.

There’s a reason beginning/middle/end works in storytelling.

Step 2. Begin writing!

Don’t overthink this. Go! Start! With Step 1 in hand, you’ll have the framework and parts you need to write something convincing. If this is writing someone else will be reading, you may want to focus on grammar and punctuation. If it’s a love note, your handwriting should be clear enough your lover can read it.

Step 3. Proofread & Edit

Re-read what you’ve written to check for blatant errors. It can help to read out loud (or whisper) to make sure what you’ve written makes sense. Have you repeated words? If so, is this on purpose or can you use better, more colorful synonyms? If this is an important document or email, save yourself future embarrassment and remember to edit spelling and grammatical mistakes.

As with any skill, improvement require practice and dedication. Keep writing! And reading! What articles attract you? Notice what draws your attention and what repels it. What makes you keep reading a story? Surround yourself with quality writing, and you will become a stronger writer.

*I teach these tips to my students in Nepal.

Depression, mood and what you can do

Last year, around 15.7 million adults experienced at least one major depressive episode; this is about 6.7% of the American population. Anyone who has been there knows once you’re in, you’re in. A dark, downward spiral takes over and it’s difficult to climb out. Depression and anxiety paralyzes even perceptive, bright minds and can kill creative endeavors.

In these moments, it feels almost impossible to think about any benefits or plus sides. Yet during these dips and lulls, there are strategies to be learned and tools to pick up to help fight these dark monsters when and if they return.

I’m listing what has helped me. It’s a long road, and I’m grateful for the caring coaches and counselors and friends and mentors who have helped along the way. I hope some of these tips can also help a few of my friends, no matter where you are in the world or what you’re dealing with. Please know you’re not alone.

Number 1: Return to basics

During periods of depression, basic human needs tend to get out of whack. Some people sleep all day while others can’t sleep at all. It’s important to try to establish a regular schedule and routine. Aim for 7-9 hours each night and try to be awake when the sun is out. Even if you’re tempted to take naps, get outside and soak in some rays, they’re good for you and carry Vitamin D.

Try to eliminate or cut down stimulants. Coffee, sugar, drugs and alcohol give you a temporary high and make you feel good for a moment, but when the effect wears off, you’re left feeling even more drained and tired than before.

From my own experiences working with and counseling clients, I’ve noticed that people who suffer from depression tend to be quite sensitive: emotionally and physically. Take care of yourself from the inside out.

Number 2. What are you eating?

Choose to eat healthfully whenever and wherever you can. Whole foods are unprocessed and contain more vitamins and minerals that help boost moods. Again, sweets and alcohol can be tempting for a temporary high, but your blood sugar levels will crash and can push you further downwards.

Vitamin and mineral deficiencies can make everything worse, so put the junk food away and reach for greens, veggies and whole grains. (Omega-3s have been shown to fight depression.)

Number 3. Get moving

Exercise revs up endorphins, helping you feel better as you move. Walking, stretching, going to the gym — it doesn’t matter, as long as it works for you. Be good to your “Earth Suit.”

Number 4. Look up (and around)

Take a moment to think about the triggers that feed your depression and create anxiety.

Facebook? Surfing the net? Watching episode upon episode of TV shows? Staying in the house all day? Talking about certain people? Eating certain meals? Limit these energy suckers and replace them with creative activities:

  • go for a walk
  • volunteer
  • dig around in the garden
  • visit a local bookstore

Make a list of what makes you feel GOOD. These don’t have to be elaborate, expensive activities. Things like:

  • light a candle
  • listen to music
  • visit the farmer’s market
  • call a friend
  • take a class
  • read a book

are easy, cheap and instant mood boosters.

Number 5. Are you independent?

Many people who struggle with depression are powerhouses. They’re capable, strong and fearless. But being too much alone can make depression worse.

Make yourself get out and connect with others. You don’t necessarily have to interact with anybody, just be around people. Go to a place where you can observe life happening: the library, the park, a coffee shop. Step out of your home, away from your thoughts and into the company of others.

Number 6. Connect

Don’t suffer alone, reach out. Message or call people you like: your best friend since high school, that crazy aunt, your neighbor who comes over with hot soup. It feels good to help others, so let your friends and people who care about you help you. You’re not selfish or weak for asking for help.

Also consider your daily habits and lifestyle. Are they isolating you or helping you build a supportive community?

Please remember, reach out. Contact a therapist, join a group, don’t be alone. You’re not.

Number 7. Your thoughts will still be there.

So take a break.

Getting out of your head and away from yourself can be the best way to gain perspective. To do this, direct your attention outwards. Distract yourself if necessary and meditate on expansion instead of restriction. Try not to focus on the depression. Step away and start focusing on small steps you can take RIGHT NOW, in this moment, to feel better.

Another alternative is to volunteer. When you’re giving your time and energy to a positive cause, you’re getting a vacation from your mind. Contributing to something bigger than your own problems and yourself moves your energy and focus away from yourself and your thoughts and onto someone/something else.

Your thoughts will still be there. You can always return, possibly with a different perspective.

Things will be OK. It can get better, and it will. Just take a break.

The path to purpose may not be straight

Employees, employers, job seekers alike have recognized there is no direct route to The Role, The Position, The Job, The Title, The Mission. What was once seen as a liner progression has evolved into a winding, twisting path in which many skills are acquired along the way. Because of this, overlaps have found themselves folded between industries, and relationships blossom in places once before unrealized.

This is what makes Project Exponential successful: areas of commonality and unexpected crossover. The finance manager and singer-songwriter connect over adventure. The marketer and social worker trouble-shoot failing education systems. The artist and the therapist talk honestly about mistakes they’ve made and the value they found through them.

For over three years, dinners have resulted in friendships, mentorships, new ideas, inspiration, even romance. Why? Our dinner guests are open, eager, curious, generous, and they want to learn.

I could have never imagined my varied experiences would lead me to my life’s work — from social work to probation to university admissions; counselor, artist, marketer and writer; fundraiser, social worker and entrepreneur — but they did. My work has been punctuated by mentors, students, clients and teachers; relationships and friendships have blended with passion and pure guts to steer my course.

Please, please remain open to experiences and opportunity, but most importantly, be open to the people who cross your way.