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Tag: empathy

When you find your passion, people will hate you.

“I think your [sic] passionate about your work and I know it turns people like me off.”

The message pinged in my Facebook inbox as I was going to sleep.

Maybe because I was in a particularly fragile state — two days in bed with high fever, my arms and legs raging with sunburn, pimples dotting my face, constipation, tension high with continued visa struggles, pressure to find funding for our annex building while trying to keep dinners in NYC going strong — I’ll admit, the comment stung. It got me thinking about what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been going about it. I instantly starting writing and analyzing.

You see, even when you’re shining and radiant and doing good work in the world, there will be people who don’t like you, who don’t understand, who aren’t supportive.

Ignore them. Write a list of all your wins and keep going.

P.S. If I had good wifi, I would download and listen to James’ podcasts.

Write a research paper: a lesson in empathy

During the past week, I’ve taught my most advanced students how to write a research paper (for more about my time in Nepal, visit here and here). The sixteen- and seventeen-year-old monks have never heard the term research before, and words such as “references,” “introduction,” “outline,” and “conclusion” are new additions to their vocabulary.

When I first explained their assignment, their charming smiles hid their bewilderment. As I despondently watched one student copy paragraphs directly from his grade-school English book, I realized my lesson wasn’t well received. I was quickly reminded of the importance of empathic communication.

In attempting to describe the purpose of writing and the value of communicating opinion, I’ve had to consider what already exists in their world. What might help them understand the (already challenging!) writing process? I’ve drummed up analogies such as making sandwiches (“Your introduction and conclusion is like bread. You need meat in the middle for a tasty sandwich!”) and playing soccer (“The introduction is the kick-off, when the whistle blows. Your conclusion is putting the ball in the back of the net. Goal!”). I’ve asked my wide-eyed students, “What do you want someone to remember after they’ve read your writing?”

The process has reminded me of flexible thinking, the ability to consider another’s world view, and the universal demand for effective communication.

The next time you find yourself frustrated and struggling to get your point across, pause for a moment to see if there is another way to convey your message.

The medium is only half of the art. The interpretation is the rest.

What connects us

Understanding that first and foremost, the life you want to create for yourself, the type of person you want to become, the parts of yourself you’re most excited to develop will attract individuals who will help you get there.

Realizing that true, authentic connection is expansive. The right relationship discovered at the right time can help you soar, find freedom, create, and see a limitless future.

Recognizing that relationships are catalysts for growth and independence — for supporting both reckless abandon and providing the foundation to carry the wisdom that comes from experience, failure, frustration, pain.

Acknowledging that your highest highs and lowest lows are probably different than mine; the value lies in sharing and discovering what these experiences were like for each of us.

Accepting that at your very worst, you are someone’s pride and joy. Knowing this helps reveal the very best parts of you.

That through the fog of confusion and longing, we can help each other find shared laughter and bouts of success, punctuated with gratitude and contentment along the way.

That our mutual appreciation for life — the ups and downs, the hard lessons and the easy ones — may or may not happen at the same time. Your up might be my down, but no matter, when we find ourselves on the same plane, we can share the lessons we learned and the tricks we used to get us through.

That the whole point is to create tribes, to build and create and be generous — to others and to ourselves.

Embracing that this is all really about compassion, about elevating each other and pushing one another to succeed by sharing our struggles and our wins.

We collaborate because our ideas become greater. Like a brilliant prism, the unique perspectives we each offer leads to undiscovered treasure.

It’s our gift to find it.

prism

Success + generosity = no accident

Observation #1: The most successful people I know are also the most generous.

  • Leaders who give their time and of themselves endear those around them, building trust and respect among teams.
  • “Scarcity mentality” repels and detracts from passion, energy, and fulfillment.
  • Altruism and great financial success are not mutually exclusive.

Observation #2: Some of the best connections arise from places of abundance and giving.

  • When you are focused on “the other,” conversations are more meaningful, authentic energy is exchanged, better solutions can be brainstormed.
  • Folks can sense greed and selfishness; it is not attractive.

Observation #3: By giving to others, you can more clearly identify what brings you joy.

Thanks to Pictomins for The Generosity Spiral!

  • True growth comes from helping others, encouraging someone’s dreams, furthering their project.
  • Helping may be learned as a practiced skill but can emerge as a core element of your being.
  • Most artists, creators, and makers are givers — they share physically, mentally, and emotionally of themselves. Dedicated to their craft, they put their art into the world expecting little (if anything) in return. The emphasis is on the work, the sharing, and not necessarily the outcome.
  • Meaningful dreams evolve from a special sauce of individual enthusiasm, passion, sweat — and the generosity of others.

Tweet at me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on generosity and success.

This post was inspired by this week’s #cxchat Q3: How has generosity helped build your network? You can read a summary of responses here or join our next #cxchat Monday (6/17) at 2pm ET.

The power of weakness

In moments of confusion, doubt, insecurity and despair, we feel least like connecting. It becomes tempting to create distance, sit in the corner, and focus inward when feeling less than. We convince ourselves that failures and struggles are better left unspoken.
Yet these moments often proceed sparks of brilliance and unstoppable action.
Too often we rob ourselves of the full spectrum of human connection. An empathic word or kind touch can help us identify the right direction and move closer towards greatness. Genuine communication has the ability to convert despair into hope.
Challenge yourself to trade feelings of unworthiness for opportunities to authentically connect. Embrace moments of weakness and maximize every facet of the human experience. Hiding seldom heals.

What makes a good manager?

Good managers:

  • pinpoint and recognize individual strengths
  • delegate effectively
  • demonstrate empathy
  • champion success
  • actively analyze and identify areas of self improvement
  • channel enthusiasm while gently nudging staff development and growth
  • share with discretion

Other managers:

  • assign roles without considering natural skills and talent
  • fail to provide benchmarks for employee growth
  • have unclear expectations
  • confuse communication with control
  • let emotions negatively impact the work environment
  • lack perspective