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Tag: connection

Disappointing relationships? It could be you.

I often hear the following:

  • My relationships aren’t fulfilling.
  • I’m not meeting the right people.
  • I’m not as connected as I’d like to be.
  • My employees don’t respect me.
  • My team isn’t as close as when we first began.
  • I’m not introduced in the way that I’d like.
  • I can’t find people who share my interests.

It’s easy to place the blame on outside factors and fault something external, something beyond our control — a difficult situation, a partner’s deficit, the inability of a client to clearly communicate. The challenging route is an active one, requiring self-discipline and honest assessment. For example:

  • How do I represent myself across different areas of my life (to friends, acquaintances, strangers, colleagues, my family)?
  • Are the activities I participate in an accurate representation of my innermost dreams and ambitions?
  • Do I frequent similar kinds of situations expecting different results?
  • Am I investing time and intention to create meaningful relationships?
  • Do I carefully and thoughtfully communicate with others?

Self-analysis can be trying, confusing, and difficult to navigate; however, it is an essential step in identifying the roles we create in our lives.
How do you contribute to common perceptions of your character and personality? What behaviors do you repeat that fail to serve you in your most valued personal and professional relationships?
Most often, the gate towards fulfilling, meaningful connection begins with you.

Essential ingredients of great dinner parties

Seating matters.

I’ve attended dinner parties with incredibly talented, driven individuals. But for whatever reason, the energy isn’t right. People who should be brainstorming and dreaming together end up at opposite ends of the table. Conversation seems forced and inauthentic.

This frustrates me beyond words.

You want people to tell stories.

A dinner can be a long time to sit next to someone in which no connection is shared. Guests don’t need to stay in the same spot all night, either. Make things interesting and shake things up.

Introduce individuals from complementary industries. Instigate unexpected relationships. Create a welcoming environment that acts as the backdrop for stories and connection.

Deliberate planning is the difference between good and great.

When a guest enters a room and knows he’s been considered in advance, a shift happens. Suddenly, he steps up his game. He’s no longer a passive observer and is encouraged to play an active role as participant.

A seating arrangement is an easy way to convey advance preparation. The right pairing of personalities can focus the energy of the party, and proper introductions is a subtle nod to the talents and expertise of those involved. Seating complementary interests next to each other is a detail appreciated by any dinner guest, and, when planned with intention, can optimize opportunities for individuals to shine.

For more tips on hosting a great dinner party, download my free ebook.

15 things that can happen when you meet the right person

  1. You are encouraged to continue your plan.
  2. Your beliefs are questioned, challenged, possibly scrutinized.
  3. New solutions are brainstormed, and different outcomes to existing situations are imagined.
  4. A new approach is considered.
  5. You learn something about yourself and/or the world.
  6. You are prompted to change, grow, create, question.
  7. Unexpected commonalities are uncovered.
  8. Mutual beliefs are shared and exchanged.
  9. An authentic emotional exchange takes place.
  10. Meaningful conversation occurs, and a deep connection is experienced by both individuals.
  11. A deep respect develops.
  12. Your confidence is strengthened.
  13. You are inspired to explore a new path.
  14. Additional introductions manifest as a result of the meeting.
  15. The meeting leaves you with energy — with new ideas, zest for life, passion.

Empathy 101

Create one mandated course for high school students nationwide. What does it include?

At a recent dinner, this was one of the prompts for group discussion. Without hesitation, my mind sounded one clear word.

Empathy.

  • The ability to reference another’s perspective, considering their experiences and worldview, in order to better understand behavior and intention.
  • “Putting yourself in their shoes.”
  • The capacity to recognize another’s emotions and experiences, closing the gap between self and other.
  • Identifying a [valuable] perspective different than your own
  • Requires: self awareness, confidence, openness (personal traits)
  • Requires: listening, open communication, careful observation (communication skills)
  • NOT sympathy
  • NOT pity
  • Often a precursor to compassion
  • Integral for collaborations, understanding, effective and worthwhile discussions, conflict resolution

Ask me to summarize my clinical training into one concept and this would be it.

Harry Prosen defines empathy as “an emotional understanding which allows one as a therapist to resonate with one’s patients in depth emotionally, so that it influences the therapeutic approach and alliance with the patient.”

Yet empathy belongs in more places than clinical environments. We need it in our schools, our personal lives, our government, our businesses. We need to practice it on a daily basis and teach our children to do the same. We must find ways to listen, to converse, and to respond in ways that are considerate and cognizant of the person sitting across the table.

We get into trouble when we are unable to see us in them. This is when valuable information is lost and we lose the opportunity to connect in a new way. Empathy reminds us of our collective humanity.

If you’ve noticed, the best businesses are conducted in an empathic way. The best connections are formed when two parties consider the other’s frame of reference. When empathy is involved, relationships flourish, conversations become meaningful, and solutions address the heart of the real problem.

It’s never too late to learn, and you don’t need a special appointment or degree to practice awareness. Can you bring empathy into your interactions today?

“Empathic connection is an understanding of the heart in which we see the beauty in the other person, the divine energy in the other person, the life that’s alive in them.” —Marshall Rosenberg

 

your dream job is on your desk

What if someone told you that you missed the boat? That the golden ticket to a beautiful home, a happy heart, and an adventurous life was in your back pocket?

What would happen if your phone rang and your boss declared you an asset to the company? If the grocery store clerk looked straight into your eyes and called you a visionary?

What if you found out that “perfect moment” you’ve been waiting for already happened?

What if…

It’s time to find out.

I’ve designed a new offering — part seminar, mentoring circle, book club, networking accelerator, an experience like no other — to challenge you to think beyond “what if” and start venturing into this is it. The first session begins after the holiday season, so you can launch your dreams and your life in a whole new way in 2013.

Learn more about the why and the what here.

The company and the cook

There’s a lot you can control in this world. There’s a lot you can’t.
Focus on what you can, and the rest will take care of itself.

“The success of the dinner depends as much upon the company as the cook. Discordant elements – people invited alphabetically, or to pay off debts – are fatal.”

–Ward McAllister