Tim Ferriss told a group of Princeton college students that he’d buy them a round-trip ticket anywhere in the world if they could get a celebrity on the phone. Out of the group of twenty eager jet-setters, not one attempted the challenge. He posed the same contest to a different set of students one year later. In two days, over 35% came back with results.
The separating factor between these two groups is action. It’s easy to come up with excuses, set low expectations, or dismiss the successes of others. It’s difficult to commit to your own goals and dreams. Action takes courage, confidence, and commitment.
Sometimes you need to set an expectation that seems unrealistic; a mark so audaciously high and unfathomable you convince yourself to try it. Maybe you hit that banner, maybe you fall short. Either way, you’re propelling yourself into action. And that action alone sets you apart from the rest of the crowd.
We’re afraid of making our desires known. It’s scary to show pieces of ourselves to another, parts that make us vulnerable, the gentle spaces we perceive as fragile. It’s easier to hide behind accomplishment and labels and somebody else’s dreams.
what if I’m alone
what if I can’t make rent
what if it never happens
what if I’m found out
what if I fail
Fear morphs into competitive comparison as we scan the lives of colleagues and peers, anxiously wondering if we measure up. Our minds stop us fromliving, from allowing ourselves to just be.
Imagine if all that watching and playing it safe on the sidelines turned into focused energy.
Who do you want to be?
What do you want to do?
When I finally pushed doubt to the side, I became a writer. I became generous, forgiving, loving, and daring because I stopped caring about what didn’t matter in the first place and started paying attention to moments that made my heart swell.
“Sometimes I feel that society likes to trick us into thinking that we cannot, or have no interest in, getting along, working together, and standing in support of one another.”
Relationships are important. Now more than ever before.
By encouraging those around us, we can set the bar even higher for ourselves.
Examples for inspiration
Ella Fitzgerald and Marilyn Monroe
At a show in Colorado, Marilyn Monroe saw Ella Fitzgerald turned away from the main entrance. She then refused to go inside until both were allowed through the front doors.
Shrinkhala Khatiwada and Maggie Doyne
Nepal’s beauty queen advocate and CNN Hero recently collaborated to provide care and support for workers returning to Nepal.
Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez
“She’s encouraged me when I’ve had nothing to be encouraged about,” Selena Gomez has said about Taylor Swift. The songstresses have supported each other for over a decade.
Maitreyi Ramakrishnan and Mindy Kaling
“You famously auditioned with 15,000 other young women… What stuck out about you was there’s an authenticity about your performance… yours was just completely authentic,” Mindy Kaling gushed.
Patty Arquette wins an Oscar, uses her acceptance speech to talk about wage equality, Meryl Streep enthusiastically hollered support.
Ariana Grande and Lady Gaga
“i met a woman who knew pain the same way i did… who cried as much as i did, drank as much wine as i did, ate as much pasta as i did and who’s heart was bigger than her whole body. she immediately felt like a sister to me.” Ariana gushed for Lady Gaga.
Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King
Friends since 1976, this duo continues to defend and cheer each other on. “We have talked about everything and nothing,” says Gayle King. “I’ve been to five therapists…Nobody has been a better therapist than Oprah!”
Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus
Since 2009, Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus have exchanged consistent praise.
Helen Keller was 19 months old when she lost her eyesight and hearing. 20-year-old Ann Sullivan became her teacher. The rest is history.
Tracee Ellis Ross and Samira Nasr
“…she is not a shapeshifter, changing her point of view with the times, but has a clarity and continuity of vision built from life experience, impeccable taste, a hunger for knowledge, and a love of people,” says Tracee Ellis Ross of friend Samira Nasr.
Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert
From sports rivals to supportive allies, Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert built mutual admiration through sport and have shared commendable leadership, grace, and friendship.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
“Weirdly, I remember thinking, ‘My friend is here! My friend is here!’ Even though things had been going great for me at the show, with Amy there, I felt less alone.” Tina Fey’s friendship with Amy Poehler is one for the books.
Women in U.K. Parliament and Meghan Markle
“We share an understanding of the abuse and intimidation which is now so often used as a means of disparaging women from getting on with our very important work.” Women of U.K. Parliament issued a strong statement in support of Meghan Markle.
Eleanor Roosevelt and Pauli Murray exchanged hundreds of letters throughout their friendship, uniting over debate and civic cause. Roosevelt notably wrote about her “firebrand” friend in the Feb 1953 issue of Ebony, years before the Civil Rights Movement.
14 people from around the world signed up to join me in a small experiment: For two weeks, I would commit to daily discussions focused on Good Things.
I spoke with Italians, Brits, folks in the United States, Sweden, and Nepal. On some days I had to talk myself up for the session; other days I looked forward to thirty minutes of positivity.
At the beginning of each call, I asked participants to rank themselves on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 for on-the-floor depression and 10 for something close to contagious joy). At the end of our call, I asked for another self-ranking. 12 out of the 14 participants reported an increase in positive feelings. The other two reported no change, having already reported high levels of feeling. I, too, found myself feeling better at the end of the calls.
But beyond feeling better, I felt seen. Those thirty minutes became a plug-in of support, encouragement, and connection. Many participants echoed battles with imposter syndrome — “Am I good enough, capable enough, strong enough, ready enough, productive enough, gentle enough, prepared enough?” Time management was another expressed hurdle, but it was rephrased as a goal that could be conquered.
And in all of these calls, it became clear that even when the world seems upside down, we have the ability to write our own narratives. We have the choice to fall into old, self-sabotaging coping strategies or tap into traits that can set us up for something greater. We can choose to see ourselves through a compassionate lens, or we can cling to memories that no longer apply. Our stories can become ones of curiosity and growth.
There’s no telling when or if things will return to “normal.” This experiment, however, reminded me there are many things still in our control. We can make time to connect, and we can train our minds to focus on creation, empathy, and compassion — for ourselves and for others. I’m thankful to all those who participated in this experiment with me.
Try for yourself: Set a calendar of participants (ask friends, family, and colleagues), keep a journal of notes, and record pre- and post- rankings for each call. Let me know how it goes.
“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.”
