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Tag: community

Can questions foster closeness?

I believe they do.

This is why all of Project Exponential’s signature dinners use questions to bring attendees together.

It’s scary to reveal parts of ourselves to others, but in order to nuture relationships and develop closeness in both personal and professional networks, we must establish rapport, build trust and pave the way for future communication.

The questions listed in a recent NY Times article parallel some of the questions our attendees face at monthly dinners. The article groups queries in levels of vulnerability, with the first set serving up light appetizers (“When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”) and leading up to the heavy fourth course (“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?”).

Print out the list and ask your partner questions over tonight’s dinner. Let me know how it goes.

Top 10 blog posts

Before I list the Top 10 most popular posts I’ve written, I want to acknowledge something big: Project Exponential is coming up on FOUR YEARS of existence, and I can hardly believe it.

I remember that first dinner as if it happened last month. I had to talk myself into calling friends and a few famous people I didn’t know all that well and ask them to join me for something new, an experiment of sorts. I was a nervous wreck in the days leading up to that initial event, second-guessing my planned ice-breakers and seating arrangement. At the end of the night I was so worked up, I couldn’t let myself admit a grand success had just taken place.

Countless dinners later, I continue to receive emails thanking me for thoughtfully creating these kinds of dinners: invaluable introductions; new friends, new ideas; old friends, old ideas; surprising conversations; delight. It’s all come together beautifully, and I couldn’t be more grateful to those who have participated and referred clients seeking meaningful connection.

Top 10 posts:
10. I stopped trying.
9. Figure out what you want to learn and go do it.
8. Stop trying to find your purpose
7. 7 sins of crowdfunding
6. The people in your life will make or break you.
5. 10 questions to ask at a dinner party (instead of “What do you do?”)
4. What brings people together?
3. A coffee riddle
2. 5 rules of hustling
1. 12 questions to turn small talk into real talk 

Thank you for your support, your daring, your ambition, and thanks for coming along this journey with me. Becoming an entrepreneur is not easy, and there are no roadmaps for the many winding, twisting roads you find yourself on. If you have a budding entrepreneur in your life, send them a note to keep going (or share one of these blog posts); if you’re thinking about getting started yourself, GO.

Being human

Recently I was rejected. I spent a lot of time crafting the perfect letter, re-writing and re-reading and editing the hell out of my argument to compose a convincing, logical, matter-of-fact and to the point submission. I sent in my proposal confidently. The rejection was prompt, and, of course, it stung.

I received a phone call several days later. “You have to explain why YOU want this,” the man instructed, “You have to say why YOU, not anyone else. They didn’t buy it.” I removed too much humanity from my writing, and the panel wasn’t pleased. They didn’t want perfect. They weren’t looking for politically or grammatically correct. They wanted the messy version: gritty, personal, detailed. They wanted human.

I submitted a second letter, this time writing for a friend. I wrote truthfully, about relationships and desire. I mentioned insecurities and inserted myself back onto the page. It worked.

Panels, bosses, review boards and government agencies — yes, they have a pulse, too. This is the place where we connect, where we can build bridges, where we can learn from each other and help ease our suffering.

Let’s not forget our where our commonalities lie. Our hearts beat the same.

Today’s opportunity

Everyone is busy and tired. Even with “nothing” to do, people still find reasons to worry. Stress is a worldwide experience, but our response differs. Consider an interview or an ESL speaking test; everyone is nervous, it’s how you’re able to manage your anxiety to perform.
We’re all hurting. Relationships disappoint, jobs are tiresome, families demand. Whether you’re in the top income bracket or the lowest, money is always an issue.
You have a choice today, a unique opportunity. It does’t need to involve a fundraiser or a charity or a huge demonstration, although it might. It’s simple: alleviate another’s pain.
Is there a kind word you can say? A message you can send? A smile? A gesture? Could you be a little more patient, more loving, more understanding towards someone else’s circumstance? Can you manage your anger, that embarrassing knee-jerk response and see the situation from a different angle? Can you listen?

The magic of community (why dinners work)

“Wow! Truly special, wonderful conversations, learned about others, shared a lot, philosophized, laughed, so much fun. I’d love to do it again.” Another positive email from an enchanted dinner attendee.

You carry a unique story. When placed in a room with others, a collective energy forms. Add thought-provoking questions, topics that strip away pretense and ego, and humanity and commonalities emerge. Minds are sparked. Hearts are lit on fire.

I see the greatest momentum coming from those who recognize it isn’t just them. They recognize we’re in this together; we can encourage each another to create, explore, to make a dent in the world. Even when tragedy strikes, communities can rise up and build. Small moments — quiet dinners, smiles on a train, random acts of kindness — are collectively powerful.

Gestalt Theory claims the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. But it’s up to you to hold up your end of the deal.

New York City restaurants

I receive many emails asking for restaurant recommendations. Client dinners, hidden gatherings, networking events and fun nights out — here’s a list of some of my NYC favorites, in no particular order:

Cafe Select – Their secret back room is home to one of Project Exponential’s very first dinner parties.

Beauty & Essex – Hidden behind a pawn shop. Go here for an experience.

East Village Robotaya – Food + Environment + Entertainment. Sit at the bar.

Bacaro – Downstairs candlelit dining rooms are perfect for groups. Tell Kama Michelle sent you.

The Fat Radish – Tucked into the Lower East Side. Make reservations in advance.

PDT (Please Don’t Tell) – Look for the phone booth to enter.

Smith & Mills – This one can be tricky to find. The round, red “71” light is your indicator. 

Hudson Clearwater – Private wine room is great for meetings and events.

Buttermilk Channel – American comfort food in Brooklyn. Brunch extremely popular.

Catch – Meatpacking District’s seafood spectacle.

Eleven Madison Park – Unique. Experience. If not, very close to art.

Ippudo – The place to go for Ramen. Make reservations. 

Death + Company – Cocktails.