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Category: Questions

The rebellion of questions

As a school girl, I found myself in detention for asking questions. I was threatened to be kicked out of academic programs for challenging authority. You were permitted one question after your name was called, and superiors always had the last word. Too many questions meant insolence, disrespect and delinquency.

The problem is the greatest inventions arise from asking questions. When we dare to ask why, archaic systems can improve and new ways of doing things emerge.

Questions can take courage, and perseverance is sometimes needed to find the right answers. Honest leadership will welcome such speculation and discussion.

Unlearning problematic beliefs

Certain beliefs have been hardwired into our minds. From a very early age, our behavior has been molded by rewards and experiences. Thought patterns have formed impressive grooves onto our brains, so much in fact, that twenty, thirty, even forty years later, these patterns persist — some without us knowing, some incredibly damaging to our progress as human beings.

A few of mine, for example:

As fast as possible is always best (efficiency!).

“Doing nothing” is bad.

Self-sacrifice is noble.

Money means struggle.

I’m not sure what they are for you. They’re not always easy to uncover. Typically the worst ones manifest in subtle ways until slowly, overtime, their cumulative effects create disturbance. This is why thousands of Americans flock to doctors: there’s an issue to fix (depression, anxiety, disinterest, fatigue, high blood pressure, panic). These symptoms can result in lost jobs, broken relationships, low self-esteem, hopelessness or worse.

One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the space and time to look at possible causes of such symptoms. What is the root of the hardships you’re enduring? When you think you’ve identified the issue, push yourself to go even deeper. But please, don’t be afraid to consult a qualified therapist to walk you gently through this potentially dark and lonely forest. The right person can be a light as you find your way home.

It can take months, years to unlearn damaging beliefs. Be patient with yourself and stay focused on what you really want your life to look like. You’re worth it.

Surefire ways to get attention

I spent a good chunk of my early career worrying about finding the right kinds of business, attracting smart clients, generating the best PR. I’d worry if my work was good enough, if my talents and skills were evident, if my angle was unique.

Through trial and error, I realized there are two surefire ways to catch the attention of an audience (they’re fickle and quick to move on, so you have to be powerfully concise and to the point):

1. Show “why you.”

Behave in a way that gives me no choice but to see you. Your track record is an active testament to your character and to your work as a professional. I don’t care what is listed on your resume. I want projects and completed work that demonstrate your capabilities and promise as a leader.

2. Ask a question that can’t be avoided.

Put something in my head I can’t ignore. You’re here as a professional, so ask me something that proves you are what you say. You’re not here to be ordered about. Create an itch that leaves me wanting more.

Make me care.

5 questions to measure success

I’ve been thinking about the American Dream and how we’ve come to define wealth and achievement. I’m turning 30 soon, a benchmark to pause and reflect on life’s work and progress.

Yet the ways in which I was taught to measure “success” don’t seem to apply to me.

I don’t own a house or a car. What I do own fits into a duffle bag. I sleep under a mosquito net. My savings account is negligible, I have student loans I will probably never be able to pay. I’m unmarried, I have no children. In full disclosure, it’s been awhile since I received a regular paycheck.

According to the American Dream, I’m a complete failure.

It has me wondering if our notion of wealth has become distorted. If the scales we use to determine value and impact are skewed, if we’re asking the wrong questions — both of ourselves of the organizations we trust.

As I enter a new decade, I consider:

Are you helping others?

Are you accomplishing set goals?

Do you feel welcomed into a community? 

Are there people in your life who support you?

Are you learning, getting just a little bit better, more patient, more compassionate, more understanding, more loving each day?

For more on redefining success, wealth and the American Dream, read my original post on Medium.

Are you near or far sighted?

10 questions to help you decide:

1. Can you describe the life you want?

2. What does a perfect day look like, from the moment you wake until the moment you sleep?

3. Do you have an end goal in mind?

4. Is there a problem you want to solve?

5. Do you want a thriving business that lasts after you’re gone?

6. Are you wanting to make someone’s life easier?

7. Are you putting work into the world that is fulfilling?

8. Do you regularly experience love, prosperity, joy?

9. Are you creating a legend you’re proud of?

10. Have you found time to honestly ask: what makes my heart soar?

I don’t know about you, but I’m over titles, degrees, labels, accolades.

I want to know about the work you’re proud of, the art you shipped, the dreams that light your face with promise.

I see “hope” as wishful thinking. I believe there are concrete steps you can take — today — to make your wildest dreams come true.

Focus your vision on what really matters to you.

What skill/tool/lesson do you wish you would have learned earlier? Read responses from yesterday’s #cxchat here.

Is quitting an option?

Quitting might be the best thing you can do.

Quitting is a largely underrated skill. By removing yourself from situations that are detrimental to your growth, you place yourself on the fast track towards opportunity and success. Read more on why quitting might be good for you in this NY Times article.
A few things you might consider quitting:

  • where you live
  • your career
  • relationships
  • your job
  • destructive habits
  • irrelevant projects
  • time wasters
  • negative thoughts

Why (and when) should I quit?

Questions to help you decide if quitting is the best option:

  1. Is this person / situation / job / environment helping me move closer to the person I aim to be?
  2. Do I find this person / situation / job / environment supportive or destructive?
  3. Am I inspired to think big, create, start, and finish?
  4. Is the work I am doing meaningful, important to me, bettering my community, and/or changing lives?
  5. Do I mostly feel calm, confidant, and secure?
  6. Am I able to nourish most aspects of my being (mental, physical, spiritual) and accomplish the goals I’ve set for myself?

[You can also check out this Should I Quit? online questionnaire. Or find someone who can help you walk through this process.]

You always have options.

Instead of quitting, you could:

  • hope the situation improves
  • wait for things to change
  • complain about them
  • work to improve them
  • ignore them
  • get fired
  • settle

The important thing is that you realize you have choices.
The difficult part is honestly assessing which one is right for you.