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Want to change your life? Change your conversations

If you’re searching for change, one of the easiest things you can do RIGHT NOW is to evaluate the conversations you are having. Chances are they can use some editing.

  • What are you talking about?
  • What topics keep repeating?
  • Who is involved?

Monitor your conversations, both online and off, then prioritize the kind of world you want to live in:

Creation, not lack
Goals, not complaint
Care, not brokenness
Change, not stuckness

The best conversations will be rooted in the question Who do I want to become? These conversations can help you reach goals and dive into deeper levels of living.

First you must find people with similar goals. These are the people you want to spend time with: People who are equally invested in exploration, growth, process, and evolution. Don’t tolerate negativity. Those people who can’t seem to stop talking about others? Refuse to participate. Change topics. Don’t entertain abusive, destructive, or derogatory remarks. 

If you can’t find positive people, make adjustments. Be intentional. Use online resources and set boundaries. Time limits can also be helpful.

Think of your conversations as currency. Meetings, phone calls, chats, emails, even text messages. Be strategic about the way in which you invest.

Greatest hits

442 posts published since 2012. Here are the top 12 most visited:

  1. 12 questions to turn small talk into real talk
  2. 5 rules of hustling
  3. What brings people together?
  4. A coffee riddle
  5. The quiet room
  6. 19 things you can do instead of grad school
  7. 10 questions to ask at a dinner party (instead of “What do you do?”)
  8. The people in your life will make or break you
  9. 7 perks of growing up
  10. Stop trying to find your purpose
  11. 7 sins of crowdfunding
  12. No one has it figured out

Thank you for reading, for asking questions, for exploring, and for committing to make the world a kinder, more generous place.

Career counseling

I was asked to speak to a group of Nepali students on “Career counseling.” I wrote a few things down.

When you’re uncertain, you’re uncomfortable. No one likes being uncomfortable. That’s why we go to doctors to get medicine instead of taking vitamins.

In addition to telling you to take vitamins and take good care of your health, I’m going to tell you to make mistakes.

Yup, you heard me. Mistakes. Galti. Galti haaru. 

Lots of them.

See, we think that once we graduate and get a degree, we will have a good paying job and maybe a family to look after. This perfect recipe will bring happiness and joy, maybe even success or fame, and definitely enough money to take a vacation once in awhile.

It rarely works that way.

In fact, the happiest moments in life will come after devastating blows, points when you convince yourself you have made a bunch of mistakes that can never and will never be fixed.

These winding, dark roads reveal who you are and what you are capable of.

Before I came to Nepal, I was living in New York City. In a pretty decent apartment next to Central Park. I was working in advertising with unique clients, and some of them were famous people. But I wasn’t 100% satisfied. I had gone to Columbia University for my Masters in Social Work, yet I didn’t feel like I was making the contribution I was meant to. I was doing interesting work, sure, but I didn’t feel like I was helping people who really needed it. I knew there was something more.

After a bad breakup and nights sleeping on friends’ couches, I found myself trekking to Everest Base Camp. I ended up volunteering after the trek and saw things in Nepal I couldn’t walk away from. Bit by bit, I set out to learn more about Nepali culture.

I used my social work degree to understand more about systems and community.

I practiced empathy I learned as a probation officer to listen to people’s stories, hear their worries and stresses and pain.

I used my experiences in advertising to come up with plans.

And then I used my professional and personal connections to fundraise money to start Learning House, which maybe some of you have heard about.

My life was set into an entirely new track. All because I was open. I wasn’t fixed on a particular goal, but I knew what I wanted and what I was good at.

I knew I liked bringing people together in unique and fun ways, and that I wanted to encourage leadership and education.

I knew that I wanted to create and make things. I also knew that I wanted to be my own boss, but that I wanted to work alongside fun, energetic, and passionate people.

Nothing is impossible. Especially not with the internet at your hands.

Now, I’m able to work as a travel writer and freelancer to pay my own bills and keep Learning House going.

I am able to keep in touch with friends and mentors all over the world.

I can get business advice when I’m totally confused (remember, my training is in psychology and social work, but I am happy to say that I will be entering an alt MBA online program in a few months).

So, what’s my point?

Find people whose lives you admire. People who you want to be like. Then copy them. Ask them questions. What keeps them going? What motivates them? Where do they find inspiration? Set up an informational interview: Ask them for fifteen minutes of their time, write down a list of questions, and go to their office to meet them. Leave after fifteen minutes, not a minute more, then send a thank you note to them afterwards.

Always stay grateful.

You never know where life will take you. You never know who you will meet or how they might help you later on down the line. We have a saying, “Don’t burn bridges.” Watch your mouth, how to speak to others — and how you speak to yourself. You are your biggest advocate and cheerleader. Be positive to yourself and to those around you.

It may sound cliche, but you really can do anything you set your mind to.

Including building a learning center from nothing.

Make mistakes. Galti haru.