“Say who you are, really say it in your life and in your work. Tell someone out there who is lost, someone not yet born, someone who won’t be born for 500 years. Your writing will be a record of your time. It can’t help but be that. But more importantly, if you’re honest about who you are, you’ll help that person be less lonely in their world because that person will recognize him or herself in you and that will give them hope.”
Aging seems to get a bad rap in some circles, but I’d like to think I’m becoming a stronger, wiser, more patient, more grounded, and overall more confident person.
Leading up to my birthday, my goal is to complete 35 acts of kindness. I will make them public in hopes of inspiring a few of my friends to look for ways to spread kindness and love in their own communities and friend circles.
Kindness should be the norm, not the exception.
I think we can all do our part to make neighborhoods around the world more accepting, more tolerant, and more loving. That would be the best birthday gift, really.
Surprise a friend who is stuck at work with chocolate, snacks.
Coffee coupons. Make “vouchers” to give to friends for coffee dates.
Send a birthday cake to a friend in a different city.
Buy movie tickets for friends.
Volunteer at a local school (bring school supplies while you’re at it).
Be kind to yourself. Join a gym, eat well.
Support a friend’s business.
Throw an epic theme party and invite your closet friends.
Now, I’m going to let you in on a secret.
This isn’t easy.
Before I posted notes all over my gym, I was anxious as all get out. Is this silly, is this Too Over The Top, am I being childish?
We have to get comfortable with stress. In fact, we have to work to create it.
Not many people know this about me: I’m a Pretty Freaking Anxious Person. I worry. A lot. I get nervous. But with time and practice, I have learned to manage.
(My mom deserves some cred here for encouraging me to join various musicals and stage performances when I was a kid. Years as a street performer forced me to tackle anxiety head on.)
What do I tell my students? Fake it ’til you make it. I tell them this because this advice has gotten me through more situations than I can count: Entering a prison to interview a convict, switching careers and landing a job at a Manhattan ad agency, organizing my first 500+ person seminar, cold-calling famous people to invite them to events, starting crowdfunding campaigns to build something from scratch.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to better manage my anxiety. I’ve also learned that when I don’t feel stress, I get bored and restless and am probably not pushing myself in ways that I should be.
True evolution and meaningful growth come from those places you want to run and hide from: Tension and Discomfort. It is a worthy challenge to learn to settle into these moments. Instead of running away, ground down. Pause. Sit in silence.
And then go. Give.
Here’s to 35.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson
BONUS, if you’re still here:
Tell me about a surprise you’ve received OR given. How did it feel?
Last, and certainly not least, how do you manage discomfort and anxiety?
There’s strength and power in gratitude. Gratitude for self, gratitude for others, gratitude for challenges and successes and failures and opportunity.
When you learn to see gifts everywhere you look, your world expands.
Take time to recognize and honor the people and circumstances in your life. Thank those who have helped you along your journey.
Where you set your focus is where you will see growth.
“During my first internship out of college, Stella Lai gave me this tip and it has been the best professional advice I ever received. Try to practice this tip as literally as possible. The obvious areas are how you dress and how your house/apartment/room is organized. I would suggest not stopping there. Your emails should be written/composed clearly and beautifully. Your conversations with individuals should be designed through how you listen, how you maintain eye contact, how you respond (both spoken and unspoken). Everything you do should have a reason, no matter how small. Design requires constant practice, this is a great way to keep growing.” -Some Random Dude
If you’re searching for change, one of the easiest things you can do RIGHTNOW is to evaluate the conversations you are having. Chances are they can use some editing.
What are you talking about?
What topics keep repeating?
Who is involved?
Monitor your conversations, both online and off, then prioritize the kind of world you want to live in:
Creation, not lack Goals, not complaint Care, not brokenness Change, not stuckness
The best conversations will be rooted in the question Who do I want to become? These conversations can help you reach goals and dive into deeper levels of living.
First you must find people with similar goals. These are the people you want to spend time with: People who are equally invested in exploration, growth, process, and evolution. Don’t tolerate negativity. Those people who can’t seem to stop talking about others? Refuse to participate. Change topics. Don’t entertain abusive, destructive, or derogatory remarks.
If you can’t find positive people, make adjustments. Be intentional. Use online resources and set boundaries. Time limits can also be helpful.
Think of your conversations as currency. Meetings, phone calls, chats, emails, even text messages. Be strategic about the way in which you invest.
